Hi everyone. So I'm in a bit of an emotional spin and would value your input. Myself and my girlfriend split up in May. She then went home to visit her family and then unexpectedly went to visit friends in Dubai the following weekend (which was the weekend of my birthday). Anyway she came back and told me she was moving out and used the time to clear her head. She has done this several times in our relationship, goes away and comes back plagued with doubts about us. She ended up not moving out for financial reasons and we fell back into a pseudo relationship until I asked what we were doing because I knew my feelings were still there for her and I knew I couldn't go through a break up with her again. She said she couldn't commit and that her next partner has to be the one and she can't say that's me. It gutted me and it unfortunately felt like a break up all over again. Since then she's given me mixed messages, telling me that I could be the one, that she can't be with me and then telling me she'd do anything for me and loves me and I'm the most important person in the world to her. She went home last week for a few days and is still up there 10 days later. She told me when she comes back she won't be coming back to me romantically and I told her that I won't be coming back to her as her best friend (which is what we were when we were together). I also said she should move out and both things appeared to surprise her. I asked why wouldn't this happen as she has decided we don't work and I can't fall into the surrogate girlfriend role again like I did over the last three months. It's not healthy and I don't feel like I can move on and start again. It's been difficult because I know she is the love of my life but I'm obviously not hers. Then she messaged and apologised and asked how she could be with me when she has doubts and self esteem issues with a question mark at the end. I thought you've just said you're not interested in being in an intimate relationship with me so why are you texting me this? I feel like I'm on a constant roller coaster and never feel secure in the relationship. I'm hurting and she's apparently back for work on Sunday and I'm feeling anxious and angry and bitter that I wasted another three months on a relationship only to hear I'm not the one. I'm also feeling incredibly sad at it all. I need support around what to do with myself on Sunday because she'll stroll back in, confirm she's done and then expect us to snuggle up on the sofa and watch a movie and I can't. Every time I bring up my feelings, she shuts down, blames herself for the failure of the relationship and just calls herself shit. What do I do? How do I not show my frustration and sadness but also not pretend that everything is fine?