How does one know?

Discussion in 'General Advice' started by BiCuriousMaybe?, Feb 17, 2014.

  1. BiCuriousMaybe?

    Feb 17, 2014
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    here it goes..

    I am 24 y/o female, currently in a relationship with a man (for the past 2 years). I like girls I find them attractive, have been since for as long as I can remember. I am not a lesbian nor a bisexual. or am I? I don't know. how does one know?

    it took me a lot of effort to post here so I hope someone takes me seriously. Thanks
  2. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

    Jul 4, 2013
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    I think I get into trouble when I try to define stuff or use labels. But I will try and hopefully nobody gets mad at me or get offended if I do not have the latest memo on how things are defined. Ok, if you like your man just fine but you like women then you are bisexual. If you are getting with your man just to pretend to be hetero but you think you secretly like women then you are probably a lesbian. Now, it is confusing because it is a continuum, your sexuality and your feelings. Sometimes even when you are singularly in love with someone forever and ever your feelings about that person can still be in a continuum. We are just complex creatures.

    As far as how much you like women, it really depends. I remember being attracted to certain people, some of them men and got really excited about getting together with them and one minute into making out I lost all interest. There are different levels of admiration and attractions. Some people are just fun to look at and fantasize about but they may not be your long lost soul mate or even good for a one night stand.

    Is your partner someone you can talk to about this? Do you want to go as far as trying to date a person to find out? Or you are very much into your current guy and just wondering about your attraction, like you just want to know more about yourself?
  3. Racquel

    Racquel Active Member

    Aug 21, 2013
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    Just ask yourself would you be able to be in a monogamous relationship with a woman? Can you see yourself doing sexual acts with a female? If you ever get a chance to explore sex with a female , ask yourself do you like both sexual experiences or one more than the other. It takes time. Good luck :D
  4. TADinUS

    TADinUS Well-Known Member

    Jan 25, 2014
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    Nothing wrong with being bi-curious. And hey, you could be a lesbian for all you know. Look at Elton John who was married twice to women. In the 80s he was "bi" but my the 90s, he realized he really just like guys. He grew up in a rather strict home.

    The two posts by others are good.
    Same for me, well into my 20s before I tried sex with the same gender. I'm rather enjoyed it, had fantasies for years here and there. Your current relationship will determine how you move forward from here. You can be in a "relationship" with someone for years that you know, has no future. If that is so - then it'll be easier. If this guy is someone you plan to stay with and "LOVE" - then its complicated. Either you cheat and test the waters... or you talk to him about it and see if he supports you or dumps you.

    I am a guy... and I've dated at least 3 bi-curious girls (2 of them before I was actively bi) and I did help support them, never pressure to JUST DO IT. I've made arrangements "okay, we're at an apartment - there are two girls here WHO want to have sex with you" - and she backs out. Nobody forced anything or tried anything... she had fantasies and other issues. I know there are guys out there that demand such things - not cool in my book.

    Also, is the guy really... a good lover? That makes a difference. So, if you're not seeing a future with this man, break it up. Its fairly simple and happens quite a bit. I woman broke up with me - because we were not CLICKING and no future and the feeling was mutual. But don't "I'm breaking up with you to experience love making with a woman" - no need to break a guy's ego (unless he's a jerk) - and even still - that can hurt.

    Now, if you live in a major city or a college town, you only need to search and find a lesbian or gay bar/club. I did this myself. 1st time was nervous and I went home after 15 minutes. But I was shy to anyone back then. Go to such a place, don't DO anything different as if you were going to any other bar/club for drinks and playing pool.

    Just people watch... talk to people, watch people dance... don't try to pick anyone up. Just evaluate, have a few drinks (DON'T get drunk and DON'T accept drinks from strangers) go home and think about it for a day or so about how you felt.

    Here is my experience with being in different club types (non-gay/gay/lesbian)... none. You drink, you dance, you open yourself to have strangers say "Hi, I'm Bobbie... who are you?" and go from there.

    I meet my wife in a non-gay club (which obviously has some gay patrons) who is bi-sexual (90% into girls) and didn't know it when I first made out with her/etc. We continue to go to any club we feel like.

    I don't recommend just picking up some chick on the internet to meet for a shag. Sex is one thing, sexual attraction is another. You should find out if being in a building with hundreds of women effects your feelings, fantasies, desires.

    Women are different from guys, sexually - usually.

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