How do you move on?

Discussion in 'Advice (Dear AE...)' started by jenny10, Apr 8, 2014.

  1. jenny10

    jenny10 New Member

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    2 months ago my girlfriend broke up with me, we had been together for 5 years, she was 4 years younger than me, she decided since she had been with me since she was 19 that she now at 24 wanted to do other things with her life, be able to talk to whoever she wanted and go wherever she wanted and not have to worry about how that effects me, basically she was just over being in a relationship and just wanted to do her own thing. As much as I can understand, its her life she's entitled to live it how she wants, it still horribly hurts, I didn't want to leave her, I was picturing our life together, I didn't want to be with anyone else, I was and still am in love with her.
    She originally said that she still wanted me in her life as a friend but within a few weeks she got fed up of me moping about and begging for her back that she slowly just started to close me out. I'm not allowed to mention our relationship or wanting her back or she threatened to delete my number and take me off social networks and all that.
    It just feels like she came out better from this and I didn't. she was already talking to other girls before leaving me and is surrounded by friends and family that are supporting her through this and I just don't have the same amount of people in my life, I spent all my savings on her cause it didn't matter to me cause I thought we would never brake up, so now she's off partying all the time and i'm left sat at home with nothing to think about but her.
    I still see her maybe once a week but she spends the entire time attached to her phone talking to anyone & everyone, an I know its prob better for me if I just cut her out completely but I just don't think I can do it. if I cut her out I basically don't have anyone to talk to on a regular bases, to suddenly go from 5 years of having someone to talk to every day to just having nothing is so lonely.
    I want her back but its never going to happen, I just don't get how to move on or deal with it in a healthy way so I don't go completely insane over this. I mean its been 2 months and im still crying nearly every day an just feel so down all the time. :cry: its pathetic I know but I just don't know what to do with myself anymore. I'm not that outgoing and kinda shy so its hard for me to just go meet new people and move on that way.
    How do you get over someone when your broke an on your own? :( I've tried distracting myself with things, reading, watching tv shows on Netflix endlessly, even tried to make myself workout more but nothing sticks and im just reminded constantly of how alone I am now. I could be the poster child for never making one person your everything!
    I've looked at dating sites but I just don't want to date right now, someone to talk to maybe but not date, im not over her and still feeling hurt by it all, im not at all ready to have someone else in my life.
    This is just turning into a lonely rant now lol but yeah any advice on how to deal with the new found loneliness I have now & how to move on would be appreciated :)
     
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  2. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

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    It is good that you are reaching out for help. Please do that as much as you can. I hope you know that you are worth the effort to feel happy. It is ok, for this too shall pass. Some things that help would be to separate properly and financially. If you use all your money to prop her up she should not leave you with nothing. However, the best thing for you emotionally is to get the hell away from her.

    She is no good for you and you have lost her already. Only now you get a good reminder once a week she has a social life and you don't. Shut those social media accounts. Move in with friends/family till you get back on your feet. You are young and you can start over. Who says you have to date? Just go on outings even if it is just you. Go on meetups for your favorite activities. Find some social thing here on AE. It is now for you to pick yourself up, stop the mourning and tell HER to go fly a kite. You can do it.
     
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  3. bleckitybleck

    bleckitybleck Member

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    When someone ends a relationship with you, it's important to do things that will raise your confidence. No matter how strong you are, it does sting the ego when someone doesn't seem to love you anymore, especially after you've invested so much into the relationship. Perhaps you can find the things you're good at and do more of those things. You can also spend more time with friends or people who can offer support to you, but don't spend the time moaning, spend it doing some activity that will refresh you.

    No matter what people say, there is always some element of power in a relationship. The fact that she sees you moping about all the time makes her LESS inclined to take you back. Building up your confidence also has the side effect of showing her that you are worthy because you will feel more worthy. Of course, I'm not advocating "game playing", I'm just saying confidence can boost your sense of self-worth and this can have a dramatically positive influence on many aspects of your life, as well as open up more opportunities.

    Don't do things that encourage you to feel inferior in any way (such as comparing yourself to "friends" on facebook). Take your hurt and channel it into something that requires a lot of attention in a positive way, such as some new life goal like making new friends or pursuing a hobby or activity you used to do a lot of before you dated her. Seek out people who encourage you rather than commiserate with you.
     
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