How do you know you like like like someone?

Discussion in 'Advice (Dear AE...)' started by akingtiger, Apr 9, 2014.

  1. akingtiger

    akingtiger Member

    Aug 31, 2013
    Likes Received:
    So this might not be posted in the right spot…

    So how do you know you like someone? I think I have a crush on two people (A and B for simplicity’s sake)... and by crush, I mean I’m interested in knowing more about A and B, but I’m not sure how to go about it. I met A the first week of orientation for my program. I think the first time I met A, I wanted to get to know A better, and hang out with her a bit (and we did a few times). Throughout the semester, while I was occasionally hanging out with A, I also got to know B (who was in my classes). Although we have never made plans to specifically hang out outside of class, we’d usually sit together during class, and if we saw each other in the dining hall we’d also sit next to each other. Along the way I think I started developing feelings for B (more like wanting to know more about her). I’m not sure if the feelings I developed for B were because I tried to convince myself that my crush on A was just a passing infatuation (and that I ended up crushing on probably another straight girl, and we all know how those end), and so maybe my feelings for A were projected onto B…

    As of now, I think I’m more attracted to A (I can’t really explain it, but the feeling to want to know more about A is a little stronger than the feeling to want to know about B). But at the same time, I feel like it’s easier to get to know B better; I don’t get tongue-tied. Basically I can naturally be myself. But whenever I’m with A, I get all stiff and tongue-tied and pretty much act like a statue. It’s easy to get along with B, but I don’t want to lead her on (I think she might like me too, as of this semester I noticed she always greets me with this huge smile, and I often catch her checking me out). Of course I could just be delusional, and she’s also straight too… but she’s checked me out one too many times for it to not be noticeable. Obviously if they’re both straight then all bets are off, but I don’t really know about that aspect of them (and I’m not quite sure how to broach that topic without being so obvious). Last semester my buddy made a joke about setting up A with his roommate, and A was like I’m not interested in finding a boyfriend (which I know is not an indicator for one’s sexuality), but then my buddy jokingly said, Oh well if you’re interested in girls here, [and he gestured to me], and A replied I could consider it. I wanted to throw up a victory flag, but past experience has taught me to not read so much into words, and plus she was probably just being polite.

    Sorry long story short, how do I go about figuring out I like someone enough to go onto the next step (like actively pursue/find out if they feel the same about me)?
  2. bleckitybleck

    bleckitybleck Member

    Apr 9, 2014
    Likes Received:
    Re: How do you know you like like like someon...

    I think it's tough when you haven't known the person for a long time, you can't really predict how they will react if you were to put yourself out on a limb. If you don't feel 100% that you "have to have it now" then I think it's better to find more time to hang and get to know each other better and let nature take its course. At least find out more about her sexual orientation.

    Are you a socially brave person? Do you handle rejection well? If yes to both, then put yourself out there and see what happens. How well do you know her? If you think you know her reasonably well, then the risk may be worth it, as the worst thing that might happen is she says no. If you think she can say no without getting all weird then risk it. Feelings for another person usually get clearer the more you know them. If you're not sure, then take more time until you are more sure, one way or another.

    The most important thing you can do is reflect and see what the real reason for your attraction is. That requires being really honest with yourself. Are you just lonely? Do you just want a GF for the sake of having one? Are you really into her as a person, not just as someone who can fulfill your need to have an object of affection? If you can be honest with yourself, then I think you'll know what to do. My own personal standard for judging whether someone is worth pursuing is whether we bring out the best in each other and want to improve for each other. For others, they might be looking for the heart-thumping and being swept away. What's your standard? (Standards do evolve over time as well.)

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