How do you know if you're in love?

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by Kade, Mar 15, 2015.

  1. Kade

    Kade Member

    Mar 15, 2015
    Likes Received:
    I just wanna start off by saying thank you to everyone on here. You guys have all helped me through a lot even if we've never talked or commented or anything to each other :)

    Now for the real story. It's another one of those in love with my best friend type thing, and maybe it's really obvious as to what's happening in my life, and I'm just blind to it. Either way, it's all I ever think about. So there's this girl, let's call her K, who is now my best friend. I met her Freshman year of high school and we became friends sophomore year. I've always had a crush on her. I thought she was gay because she was so dorky and geeky and just not girly girly. I went through some family stuff sophomore year, and we became closer because she really helped me through it. I admitted to liking her and told her, and she told me that it was alright, but she didn't feel the same way. But then my other friend told me she texted him later freaking out about it because she felt bad and guilty and didn't like it. Which made me feel pretty bad. But nonetheless, I still had this crush on her and it kept growing. Junior year came and we became pretty close. It was the end of this year that K was back stabbed by her best friend and they stopped talking and I thought it was unfair. So I was the one that stood by K and helped her through it all because a bunch of her friends were just treating her like she had no feelings.

    Anyway, now it's our senior year, and we've grown really close. She's my closest, best friend, and I'm hers. She knows I'm gay, and she's changed a lot over the years and got more open minded and is the most supportive friend I have that I trust the most. My dilemma is what should I do? I always want to be around her, I miss her even at 3pm when I'm busy doing something and we're not together, not just at 2am when I'm lonely. I dream about her all the time, and it's either of us fighting and me ending up losing her and waking up crying, or something good happens where we kiss or something. She's the first thing I think of when I wake up, and the last thing I think of when I go to sleep. I get insanely, INSANELY, jealous when she talks to other friends and hugs them. We always hug, and it makes me feel so happy and safe, but then I get really jealous when she hugs other friends. I get really happy whenever she plays with my hair or we lock arms and walk to class or little things like that. Like when she got to school one day and came up and hugged me from behind >.< I always want to talk to her, even if we're fighting because even then, she still makes me unbelievably happy. I always want to text her and everything and when I do I constantly check my phone for her reply. I think I'm falling in love with her, but I don't know what to do because there's a huge problem. My "girlfriend". I put that in quotations because I don't even feel like we're in a relationship. I mean, I'm closer to K than I am to my gf. My gf's parents are pretty strict, and they are completely against homosexuals. They found out we kissed and they made her move for about a year, but then she came back, but it's super strict and she goes to a different school. So we never see each other and we barely talk and when we do, it's just through a screen on a phone for about 2 minutes. I understand she can't really do much. I've been going through a lot of health stuff and K has been there for me for everything, but my gf knows almost nothing because we never talk. I try to tell her, but when she messages it's like I never said anything and she'll just say hi and tell me something that happened in her day and she logs off. I thought she was the one. Maybe that was just the honeymoon phase. And maybe I'm still bitter that she left me three times in the span of about two weeks all because she was confused and scared. I offered to help as much as I could and told her that I would do everything to keep her safe and happy but she just left. Three times. I took her back after all of that, but I just don't feel the same. I used to smile whenever I thought of her. Now that only happens when I think about K. And all I ever do is think about K. I want to break up with my gf because this isn't fair to her, even though I would never actually cheat on her. And K is straight anyways. It's just like I'm more in love with the past than the person in front of me. I'm praying that K and I stay friends once we graduate and go off to college, but I'm not sure. Should I tell K how I feel? I know I can talk to her about anything, but I don't want to make her feel bad or awkward or anything. I can't lose her. This is just driving me crazy.
  2. Spygirl

    Spygirl Well-Known Member

    Jul 2, 2013
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    Ok...two things (and I'll take these in reverse order):

    1. You should end it with the g/f because you're clearly thinking/have feelings for someone else. You're not being fair to her if you're not giving her the best of yourself. By thinking about someone else, you're not even giving 100% to the so-called relationship you have.

    2. As for K -- you told her you liked her in the past -- and she is straight. Nothing good can come of confessing anything to her now unless she's realized that she's not entirely straight at all and has feelings for you as well. By what you've written it doesn't seem like she's given you any indication that she feels anything beyond friendship for you. And you're clinging to every little thing she does as a potential sign of growth, change in her feelings, etc. If you say anything, you risk creating a completely awkward situation and even pushing her away entirely. Trust me, it's HARD to want to stay friends with someone when that someone has confessed to having more than friendship feelings for you. I've been there and had to tell someone in no uncertain terms that "anything beyond friendship will never happen and if you can't keep your feelings in check, then we need to end the friendship b/c I'm always going to think that you have ulterior motives."

    You're still in high've got a whole world of experiences waiting for you -- after graduation, in college, beyond college. Trust me -- the "one" may not be the person you date in high school or college, either. The fun is getting to grow, make new friendships and find happiness on your own accord. If things are meant to work with K..then she'll let you know in some way that she's reciprocating what you feel. Right now, enjoy that you have a spectacular friendship with someone and leave it at that.
    Narley, jellohead, Just Me and 2 others like this.
  3. Bluenote

    Bluenote Well-Known Member

    Jul 4, 2013
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    @Spygirl pretty much nailed it.

    Your gf isn't really your gf. You should end it with her, but nicely. 'You are a great girl, but the distance is too much.'

    K is just a friend. You have a pretty bad crush on her, but she is straight. She knows how you feel and would have acted on it if she felt the same.

    It is painful having an unrequited crush. The good news is, they don't last forever. I had one on a good friend- it just kinda faded over the years. Enjoy your time with K and cherish your friendship. But don't try to make it something that it is just not.

    And don't sacrafice your future for K. It can be tempting to try and go to the same college as her, etc... But don't do it that way. Go to the best situation for you - don't just follow friends.

    I know this hurts. Just try to keep your head up.
    Narley and Spygirl like this.
  4. jellohead

    jellohead Well-Known Member

    Mar 6, 2015
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    Agree. Put your college applications in, have a bunch of flings and enjoy yourself with some hot chicks who want to rock your world all night. We all had high school crushes on a straight girl. It's part of the official lesbian curriculum. Carry on.

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