How do I reply to online dating?

Discussion in 'General Advice' started by u-45597280, Nov 16, 2014.

  1. u-45597280

    u-45597280 Member

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    So decided to try online dating. Started chatting to this girl and it's going really well only for a week now but we've just done the lets be Facebook friends thing and now she's asked me out for drinks!?

    I'm not ready to do it just yet, (I mean we've only just begun to chat online is it too soon?) but don't want to reject her either by saying no.
    I just want to delay it to get to know her a little bit more but I do want to meet her, what do I say!?
     
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  2. Spygirl

    Spygirl Well-Known Member

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    Try being honest -- tell her that you'd like to get to know her a little better.

    At the same time, online is nothing like in person. Anyone can show who she "wants" to be online, so you may not be getting the full picture of who she is anyway. If you're uncomfortable with meeting for drinks -- do something benign first like lunch or coffee.
     
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  3. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member

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    I agree with Spygirl, yep it's scary going to meet an online date but it is the whole point of online dating. Just agree to the drinks, she's not asking you to spend an entire day with you or anything crazy like that.
     
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  4. Eloise

    Eloise Well-Known Member

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    Don't delay meeting in person. There's a lot to be said for face-to-face meeting. You may think you're getting to know her by talking online; however, if your intent is to eventually date meet sooner rather than later. If the chemistry isn't there you won't waste any more time. Take it from someone who knows. If you take too long you'll have unrealistic expectations and imagine her as a completely different person than she really is. It's easier to end things if you meet quickly then if you prolong it. But, nix the alcohol for a first meeting. Make it coffee in the middle of the day.
     
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  5. Just Me

    Just Me Well-Known Member

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    I would be honest with her, like spygirl said. Anybody meeting somebody off the net should only meet when/if they feel comfortable. But you also don't want to wait too long either, there's nothing compared to meeting in real life. You could have a good online connection, and when you meet in real life you figure out they could have completely different mannerisms then you thought. With my experience meeting people, it's best to meet within a month. If you drag things out (and are looking for a relationship online) she might move on and meet somebody else, before you even got the chance to meet. Just remember, the worst that could happen is you've made a new friend. That friend might introduce you to your wife one day :)
     
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  6. Bluenote

    Bluenote Well-Known Member

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    I think everyone has a different comfort level of when to go from online chatting to a 'real' date.
    I think it is OK to want to get to know her a little bit before meeting up in person.

    However, people can lie online and in person. It's fair to want to know a little about her (and maybe do a little googling) before a face to face meeting. But if you are trying to protect yourself both emotionally and physically, you can only do so much by delaying a meeting. She can lie online, give a fake name, really be trying to set up a threesome for her bf, etc...

    If she acts super creepy online, OK, move on. But if she is nice online - she can still be creepy in person.

    So be smart / safe if you decide to meet in person. Public place, low pressure date like coffee. And all the other safety stuff.

    I once made a penpal. (look, I'm older, OK). Anyhow, she wanted to meet in person. She proposed our first meeting be a day trip to another (rural) town - in her car. I said I wasn't cool with that. She got super mad and defensive 'what, am I gonna kidnap you.' Obviously, someone like that isn't really going to make a good friend (or gf, though I wasn't into dating at the time). Someone worthy of your time isn't going to try and pressure you into something.

    If you want to wait awhile before meeting and she pressures you / doesn't understand / gives you a hard time - you're better off without her. You seem like a thoughtful person, so if it doesn't work with her, I think you can find someone nice.

    Good luck and keep us posted!
     
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  7. u-45597280

    u-45597280 Member

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    Update!

    Thanks for all the advice. Really helped. I did end up meeting her. She was as she said online and we ended up having a lot more in common than I thought! There's a second date planned so much appreciation for the replies. :)
     
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  8. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member

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    Cracking news :)
     
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  9. pikatan2

    pikatan2 Well-Known Member

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    oh yayyy for second date, I hope everything went well :D xx
     
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