How do I help my friend?

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by KaraTT, Sep 6, 2018.

  1. KaraTT

    KaraTT New Member

    Sep 6, 2018
    Likes Received:
    Dear AE,
    I'm not great with starting boyfriend/girlfriend relationships, but last year I met this guy and we hit it off right away. He was into the same stuff as I was, had a great sense of humour, and was really cute. We hung out for a bit and ended up boyfriend and girlfriend. However, he was really into me and although I was really into him as well, it didn't feel like the same thing. Over the year that we were together, he never pressured me into anything but I still somehow felt uncomfortable being in that relationship. After about a year, I realized that something wasn't right and we took a break for a couple months. He was really broken up about it.

    Over those months, I started to realize I might be lesbian or at least bisexual leaning towards women. We had decided to meet up again after our break to talk about it and so when we met up, I came out to him. He said he had had a really hard time over our break and that he had been feeling suicidal, but since coming out to him he has never pushed me on anything or made me feel uncomfortable. We've become close friends, and really open about our feelings. He opened up to me about his depression before I had met him and his suicidal thoughts also before, and told me the details about feeling suicidal over our break. There aren't many people in his life he can talk to and so I've become that person he comes to when he's feeling particularly down or suicidal and I've tried to help him through those bouts.

    However, I'm not sure about the affect this is having on me. He really cares about me so if I said I was feeling uncomfortable he would stop messaging me in an instant but I'm really afraid that that would trigger a suicidal episode. I don't know what I can do but I feel like I'm losing him already and I think it might just be getting worse. He's gone with his parents to a counselor a couple of times but it hasn't seemed to help too much.

    What can I do to help? I feel as if I don't have any options here.
  2. sunsetdawn

    sunsetdawn Member

    Sep 4, 2018
    Likes Received:
    Having experience with this, take these words to heart, and repeat as often as necessary: I will not take responsibility for your life. If you threaten to commit suicide I will call 911.

    Contact the suicide prevention center for guidance on how to support him during this time. It is a good thing that he is able to share his feelings with you, however, once someone mentions suicide, it is time for professional intervention. If possible, share your concerns with his parents. Do not keep secrets. It may take time to find the right counselor. Many times the depression is due to a chemical imbalance and not life events. A team of professionals is the best option. You are a loving, caring, friend. Be that loving, caring friend to yourself and draw a line in the sand. If he crosses that line, you will call 911, break off all contact with him, and refuse to accept responsibility for whatever action he takes.
    greylin likes this.
  3. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

    Jul 4, 2013
    Likes Received:
    Everything that @sunsetdawn said...
    In most school settings in the US, if you tell a trusted teacher/counselor about your friend's situation, they have a mandatory obligation to report and refer to services that could help this person. I have know some young people who had to go and do that after failing to persuade their friends to get help and had also felt that their friends' families were unreliable. Also, some kids I know were able to persuade their friends to call a hot line together. There is a lot of pressure on the young nowadays, but there are also a lot of awareness and resources available. Thanks for being a good friend, good luck to you.
    sunsetdawn likes this.

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