How do i approach this?

Discussion in 'Does She Like Me?' started by Dezzy, Mar 5, 2015.

  1. Dezzy

    Dezzy New Member

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    Hi

    I have spent many an hour lurking these forums throughout the past few years, often gaining advice from advice directed towards something entirely unrelated to my own personal situations and for that i thank you all. However, i think i might need to ask you all how to interpret something new in my life if that's possible please?

    So, i am a perpetually single, slightly tomboyish but passes as straight, lesbian, I'm so useless when it comes to women, also, the majority of my friends are straight. I'm 30 and i have gay friends but my closest friends are straight and the lifestyle we all lead (as freelancers) suits me very nicely but this is the reason that i need to come here for advice.

    Anyway, a certain beautiful woman has appeared in my life and i have no idea how to approach the situation. I have a habit, well, not so much me, but i have the tendency to attract the bi-curious girls, the ones that 'want to marry a guy but for now they just can't stop thinking about me' girls. So now, i have a person, here in my life, that has flitted in and out and is incredible. Long story short, i've had a lot of bad relationships choices and general choices in my life thus far to leave me feeling numb for two years.

    This girl came into my life about 10 months ago a couple of times and i didn't think much about it, however, she re-appeared a couple of weeks ago and again today and, guys, i felt something. I want to just draw a line and say, well, at least i know that i can feel butterflies still! But i can't stop thinking about HER. I reopened dating websites two weeks ago and, nothing, but i need to know how to approach HER now, i need to know if its

    a) worthwhile and

    b) how the hell do you approach someone that you have to work with under a scruntious environment at work without the fear of rejection and awkwardness

    She's a model and i'm a make up artist. It sounds very Gia or unrealistic but it's realistic enough for my closest friends to think that it's a sure thing. We work in an environment that involves her travelling from a different city to mine for the day to shoot but she's not here regularly for our place. We've definitely always had a spark, i don't have to be doing her face for me to look over and catch her watching me and vice versa, however, whenever i catch her doing it, she'll pull a face, if she catches me, she'll make a scene. There are long periods of time that she will just sit by me on the couch whilst we are waiting to shoot and she'll always sit close by,ask a lot of questions and talk about general flirtatious crap! She definitely flirts with me, and only me , enough for my close and very cynical friends to notice at least. When she leaves to travel back to her city, despite not working with her all day, she will always send me a direct message of a silly photo of what we've been discussing and will begin a conversation with me. I don't know. I hate over analysing enough to write down every detail of every action and word she and i have ever exchanged but, i suppose what i'm asking is, how the hell would i be able to gage if she's into me, really and THEN what do i do?! For the record, she only realised that i was gay today, so there was no pre empting this time around!


    Thank you so much for bearing with me, i now realise that it's incredibly difficult to exchange stories with complete strangers in order to gain advice quickly! I only wanted to write a paragraph!!!!
     
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  2. Bluenote

    Bluenote Well-Known Member

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    Don't go there with someone from work. It can be a ton of trouble.
     
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  3. after_the_comet

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    Hi! So, I don't see too much of a problem if you only work with this girl every once-in-awhile, if it would've been more frequent i would think there would be the possibility for a problem. What I would do if I were you, is I would just ask her out for drinks and maybe food some night after work if you happen to be done around the same time. Offer to treat her even. I would say by your story, I think she is definitely putting out vibes that she likes you and is interested in exploring possibilities further. Asking her out for drinks might give you an opportunity to break down some boundaries, become a little more familiar, and perhaps drop some casual questions (cough cough...ask if she's seeing anyone)
     
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  4. rac

    rac Well-Known Member

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    What to do? How about asking her if she prefers coffee or tea? Then ask if she wants to have coffee/tea with you from that place you like. :)
     
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  5. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member

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    Firstly don't worry about the length of your post @Dezzy.

    Right then let's get down to the nitty gritty. I'm guessing that as a freelancer you don't work with this girl on a daily basis. What you must ask yourself is: Can I keep my professional work professional and keep my private life out of it and vice versa? If you can then ask this girl for a coffee/drink/whatever away from work? Of course you also need to ascertain her sexual persuation, which I definitely recommend doing away from work and in a far more relaxed environment. It's easily done too, just talk to her ask her about past dating and listen out for pronouns. And likewise be open and honest about your previous dating experiences too. However, if you think that pursuing this girl will cause a bad working environment for you, her or both of you, do not continue down this path. Go back to the online dating and maybe try a new site.

    Good luck
     
    #5
    Spygirl likes this.
  6. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

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    I think it would be unprofessional to try to date the face you are working on. I can't pretend I know anything about your world but if someone at work depends on you in anyway (in this case, her looking tip top) it is probaby code for unf**kable. Enjoy the flirts she throws your way and relax, this working relationship may not be forever. In the right moment, if she gives you an opening, say something like you would so ask her for a date if she's not one of your faces (and make sure to indicate that she is the only one you have said this to). That would be a hint you can throw her way if your gig with her ends. She can be the right girl, wrong context but if you go out of what you are comfortable with professionally and ethically then you can lose yourself too much just for someone flirting at you and not showing you definitive interest.

    As to your past love life. You are looking for someone who is perfect for you. Sometimes someone comes along and shows certain things that seemed to qualify but alas she is not it. Figure out what you are really looking for and think of the traits from the disasters that made you squirm and weed those people out. Good luck, you seem like a goodly sort with a sense of humor, try going out of your work context and go into a singles activity that you would enjoy.

    Edit: I think Nancy has a great idea about talking about past love. I may even hitch onto that for and opening on the idea I am throwing about the hint. If she tells of some disastrous breakup or saying she can't find anyone then it maybe a good opening for you. Do it in a way that shows that she is special and you are about what's in her head but you are a professional and would not cross that line.
     
    #6
    Last edited: Mar 7, 2015
  7. Dezzy

    Dezzy New Member

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    Thank you so so much for all of your responses, i totally agree with each and every one of you. I value each opinion too, hugely!

    I've definitely started the ball rolling on the hanging out outside the work place part of the plan. Well, my incredibly cunning friend slipped it into conversation with her in order to try and ascertain how often she's in our city/if she ever stays longer than a day. I'd have no problem asking her for dinner/coffee after work as i always socialise with the out of town girls when they're here but the client books her train 30 mins after our shoot wraps every time...fml! it's a real rarity that she ever stays longer than a day though. URGH! So my wonderful friend suggested that she let us know when she was booked in our city again (she models for quite a few clients here) so that we can 'take her out and show her the sights' and she can spend more time here and stay over...in other words, give me the opportunity to take her on some form of covert date. I'll let you know how that goes when it actually does but (because i was really intensely staring out a small scuff on the floor at that particular moment, i apparently missed the pointed look at me when she replied about how lovely that would be.

    As for the workplace situation, I do totally agree with every one of you, i never cross the line so to speak, i've never wanted to though, except now, It's why i feel like i think i might just need her to make the first move but i've missed out so many times in the past by waiting for them to do that, i actually think the fear of rejection might be greater these days, friendship is always easier in the long run. I did briefly touch on the disastrous dating site story with her actually, this was the moment that she realised that i wasn't straight.

    Aaaaaaaany way...i decided that you all unitedly gave me an underlying push to hand over my phone number so that i can actually take the next step of communication with her (you also gave me the DON'T DO IT push too but...eh) so i'll let you know if that actually goes!

    ...Failiing that...i have no idea when i'll see her again to put all of your wisdom into play. I'll probably be back in the 'Dating website' section of the forums in about two weeks asking for advice on how to create awesome profiles! haha!

    Thank you again for all of your time, it's honestly so appreciated and i will be sure to keep you posted on any developments if you so desire/i need you to bail me out.
     
    #7
    greylin likes this.
  8. Just Me

    Just Me Well-Known Member

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    It sounds like a work place situation that could actually work out! Hopefully you get/got to give her your number and take it from there...
     
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