How can we be together?

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by hannah4, Dec 26, 2013.

  1. hannah4

    hannah4 Member

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    I was born and live in America and my girlfriend was born and lives in Australia. For the past year we have struggled with what to do and how to be together. The state I live in doesn't recognize same sex unions nor does any state surrounding me and Australia does not recognize them either. Months ago we decided we were going to try and move to Canada. She for a working holiday and I for a masters degree. That way we could work on becoming Canadian citizens. Unfortunately it looks like that idea is going to be put on hold as she owes money on a loan and I have no money to get to Canada. It seems like all we do is work our asses off day in and day out to support ourselves financially and we never have enough left over to set aside to make our dreams of being together come true. I love her. I have loved her since the second she smiled at me on the train in Sydney. Since the moment I heard her say her name and my heart melted. And I am terrified of losing her. I am so scared that no matter how hard we try we will never be able to get in the same country or even the same continent. I know she is getting down. I see it every night we Skype. I see how she tries so hard to hide the tears from me and I know the pain she is going through being apart because I am going through the same hell. If anyone knows of anyway for us to be together please tell me because I am so afraid. So afraid that I'll lose the only good thing in my life.
     
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  2. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

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    I could be wrong but I thought in Australia you can sponsor a same sex partner to stay.

    http://www.immi.gov.au/legislation/key-changes/2009/migration-key-changes.htm

    Since she cannot relocate the best way is for you to.
     
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  3. hannah4

    hannah4 Member

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    We've looked into it. The new rule now is that you have to be married legally in Canada, America, or Australia for the territory that she lives in. We're hoping that Australia reinstates their same-sex marriage soon so that we can legally get married there or we'll have to figure out a way for both of us to get to a state or country that allows same-sex marriage. Sometimes I really wish that I was straight because it would just be a matter of stating we were engaged and then we'd easily be granted temporary citizenship til we got married in either country.

    P.S. Thanks for the website. I am getting a lot of good info off of it.
     
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  4. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

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    I am sorry I am not up on the info. Perhaps it is a bit cheaper to travel to Hawaii to get married? I don't know what it takes to get a marriage license there. I think people are fighting to reverse gay marriage laws all the time. The fares are cheaper after the holidays and in winter. You can fly to Oz and use Hawaii as a stop over. Get cheap lodging on peer to peer rentals.

    Hopefully better informed people can contribute to this thread to help. Good luckz
     
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  5. lorienczhiu

    lorienczhiu Well-Known Member

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    I'd really like to be able to tell you there's an easy way out... but there's no way around it (and there would be no way around it even if you were straight, because the visa doesn't solve your problem without the plane ticket): to make this happen, you need money. To sponsor a visa, you need to be able to get married. To get married, you need to travel. To travel, you need money. Ergo.

    So I can give you tips - fly into a gay-friendly hub! find a temporary job for her that will sponsor a work visa (WOOFing, summer camps, whatever)! - where you can reduce your costs, but the real solution to your problem is moving beyond the hand-to-mouth survival you're both experiencing to a secure situation where you can save the money you need to travel. It's not romantic, and it's not instant, but: build a serious budget, with all the things that involves. I'm sure you're already working on it, and don't want to imply otherwise - but systematizing it can help you set goals. I like the program YNAB (syncs with your bank and phone to keep track of all your money and help you plan), but there are free programs out there. You will feel better when you have steps you can take to end the situation - when you are working your ass off not just to survive, but to move forward. The kind of buffer you need to sponsor her travel to you, and the both of you getting in a car and driving to the nearest gay mecca, will probably take both of you at least six months of focused saving and hard work, deliberate choices, and lots of lots of side jobs. Maybe longer.

    Until then, build your rituals and communication and loving care. Ask for help from your support networks, to keep your costs down and your spirits up. There's not much you can do except dive in and make it happen, and while you're not guaranteed success, trying is the first and most vital step.

    (And if you're going to relocate, I think it would be much easier to just move to another US state where you can get married, rather than trying to both get new citizenship. With DOMA gone, you can sponsor a US visa once you're married, too - and there are 19 states now where that's a possibility. I've done a bunch of driving around these united states, and looking at the map I don't think there's anywhere except AK that's more than 1.5 days' drive from a friendly courthouse.)
     
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  6. hannah4

    hannah4 Member

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    Thanks. I really appreciate your advice. :)
     
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  7. sundancer

    sundancer Well-Known Member

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    Have you already graduated? Have you considered actually getting a job in Australia? Marriage probably isn't the answer here.

    And her loan - are you referring to HECS/HELP? Or is it an actual bank loan?
     
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  8. Anonymus

    Anonymus Well-Known Member

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    Hannah,

    What is your major & your gf's? In Canada you can get funding with pretty much every graduate program/ there are lot of work+study opportunities.. for funding (Tuition+living expenses= enough for 2 people to survive :)) all you need is good grades. If you need help with stay/administrative work let me know, I may find someone to help you out!
    P.S Canada is a great LGBT friendly country, if you are serious I strongly suggest that you should think about it!
     
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