Honestly, I don't know.

Discussion in 'Does She Like Me?' started by _leonm, Dec 25, 2014.

  1. _leonm

    _leonm New Member

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    Hi you guys. I've been following this site for a while, but never had a reason to sign up.
    Well, up until now.

    I've been breaking my head for the past few days because I honestly don't know what to do.
    But first let me tell you what exactly the case is (and please bear with me, it might be long)

    Soooooo there's this girl (no shit, sherlock).
    I met her a few months back through mutual friends, and well, aside from being pretty, I didn't really think too much of her. I also thought she was straight. Like, very outgoing and will kiss girls and blabla, but, still straight.

    Anyway, fast-forward to somewhere at the end of October, we were at the same party, and we got drunk and we laughed, and she kissed me. And we kept on kissing for quite a while.
    After a while, we went outside for a cigarette, and there we kissed again. Some guy was like "wow are you lesbians?" and I - obviously - was already annoyed by his curiousity, but my girl here, let's call her L, was all like "No. Well, maybe. I have been in a relationship with a girl before but I'd say I'm more into guys."
    I was like "No." (because well technically I'm bisexual so I wasn't lying, and I really wanted him to leave us alone).
    And the guy did leave us alone after a while, and I was like "reaaaally? You've actually been with a girl?"
    Turns out she has been with a girl, for almost a year, a few years back. But then she kinda 'went back to men' (according to one of my mates).
    Aaaaanyway, I didn't really care that much, I mean, I liked her, she's really good looking and hilarious, but I just don't easily fall for people so that was that.

    Then, about one or two weeks later, we were at the same party again, and we kissed again (who would've guessed, right?) and she was all over me, like, she actually wanted to push me against the wall when we were kissing, but it turned out to be an emergency exit aaaand yes we fell through the door (whoops).
    Anyway, we kept texting after that, and kinda flirty (I tend to have a flirty personality, but it was definitely flirty from both sides).

    Then, after two weeks of (still kinda innocent) texting, we saw each other again at another party, but I arrived very late because I already came from a different party, and she couldn't stay long because she had to get up early the next morning. When I arrived, I first said hi to my best friends (one of them kissed me full on the mouth right in front of her, we do that often but well L didn't really know so she did kinda laugh, but she knew it was just a friendly kiss so yeah) and L then hugged me and said Hi as well. I didn't want to immediatly turn all my attention to her, as there were many of my good friends at that party. So a while later I ended up outside, where I was talking to a guy, and she then came and hugged me again, and went "I gotta go later" but didn't kiss me because this guy kept talking to me.

    I felt like we didn't flirt as much that night so I didn't text her for a few days, but that weekend (I was away with a lot of friends), I got a text from her, asking if I wanted to come and hang out with her and drink some wine. I couldn't, obviously, but she got reaaaally flirty so I felt like ok this is still on

    But for the next 3 weeks or so, we couldn't see each other, because her finals are coming up and she has to study a loooot. But we still occasionally texted. Sometimes she responded quite 'dry', and sometimes she reacted all flirty. Last week, I barely heard from her, and friday she kept sending me snaps, and asking me if I'd go to the same party that night (she was finally going out again, kind of like 'the last party before she really has to study'). I was going to a friend of mine's birthday, which was a homeparty, so I said I probably wouldn't come. When I was there, some of my friends said "Oh we're going to 'that party' later tonight, wanna join?" so I was like uhhhhh yeaaaah. And I knew L would be there, so I didn't text her, I just felt like kind of surprising her.

    So when we arrived, she already somehow knew I had arrived because she stormed outside, yelling my name (sidenote: we had both been drinking quite a lot already). And she kept on hugging me at random everytime we saw each other (which was kind of funny because there were many people I knew at that party, so I had to like introduce her to everyone). And when her friends joined her, she introduced me, and they were like "ahhhhh so you are the famous ...!"

    Later on, she was dancing, and she was gesturing for me to join her, but I knew she'd kiss me and I didn't want to kiss her in front of all these people, so I just asked her to go smoke a ciggarette with me outside. When we were outside, she started hugging me again because she was cold, and her friends started tapping the window we were standing next to, lol, kinda awkward. But when they stopped, the tension was all back and we kissed. A lot. And afterwards, I went to go look for my friends again, and she went back inside. I was kind of tired so I decided to go home not much later, also because I had to get up early that morning.

    I was already home, and in my bed, when she texted me "where are you? I'm coming over to spoon with you"
    and even though I said I had to get up very early and everything, she was quite persistant, and actually came over. So she spent the night (we didn't have sex, just kissed heavily and a biiit of dryhumping eww hate that word but then fell asleep spooning).
    The next morning I was kind of in a hurry, and she just got dressed quickly as well, as she wanted to go sleep in her own bed for the remainder of the morning (we both were pretty hungover as well).
    So I let her out, we kissed goodbye, and that was that.

    But the past few days she has barely spoken to me, I haven't contacted her alot, but I swear she is acting extremely distant. And I know, she is studying like CRAZY much (she's a lawstudent), but still...
    I do really like this girl, so I do feel bummed out. I don't know what to do now, I guess it's best if I just don't talk to her until she actually talks to me?
     
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  2. Spygirl

    Spygirl Well-Known Member

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    The one thing you haven't said is whether you've told her that you like her (if you do...you haven't said that to us either, so....)...It seems to me that this girl is practically throwing herself at you. She's finding excuses to come over; she's spending the night, inviting you to parties. You don't tell her you're going to the last party...

    Maybe she's being distant because she's putting out what she's getting from you. Maybe in her head she's been the one initiating contact, trying to get your attention, and you seem to be playing calm, cool and collected. Not that there's anything wrong with that...but, nothing you've written suggests that you've told her that you like her. That would make me standoffish if I were in her shoes as well -- if I'm not getting anything back, I'm not going to keep making efforts.

    You need to figure out what you want from this girl -- occasional drunk kissing, hooking up or something more? Why should she be the one to initiate contact once again if you're not reciprocating?
     
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    Last edited: Dec 25, 2014
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  3. Bluenote

    Bluenote Well-Known Member

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    She could probably say the same about you. You're there and then you're not. You don't want to kiss her in front of people (OK, PDA, I get it...)

    I think if you just want to randomly make out with her at parties, you're doing alright.

    I think if you want something more regular with her, you're going to have to put your cards on the table. You know she's been with girls (as in a 1 year relationship). "Going back to guys" doesn't mean she went un-bisexual. She just may have met guys easier than girls. And she has been being pretty forward with you.

    She may feel like it's your move. Or she may feel weird about coming over and then having to leave so early (even if she knew that was the situation).

    I dunno. Why not ask her out on a proper date. Not maybe we'll meet up and make out at a party. But I real 'let's get together for coffee / beer / other' kind of date. If she says 'no' you haven't lost anything - as you say she's been a bit distant. And if she says 'yes' you can break the ice from 'we bump into each other and sometimes make out' and into 'we actually make plans to see each other.'
     
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  4. _leonm

    _leonm New Member

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    Thanks for answering!

    I may have not mentioned it clearly, I see now, but I have been pretty straightforward with her, like two weeks ago I asked her if she wanted to spend one of her studybreaks with me, and she seemed kind of up for the idea but well she never seemed to have time. And like I said before, I do tend to have a very flirty personality, especially when I like someone. And I do like her, I'm not sure yet what exactly I want, all I know is that there is definitely a spark, and I really have been flirting. And when she came to my place the other night, I was the one who kissed her and initiated most of the things soooo...
    It's not always easy for me to put myself out there in the 'I like you'-way, but actually I really have been doing that this time. She'd have to be really blind not to notice.

    Yesterday was the last I heard from her, I had sent a snap with 'when will I see you again?' because I hadn't heard from her in two days, and she answered, half a day later, with 'february' (her exams are 'til the end of january) and the next one she sent was just 'studentlife = toughlife'... And I know she's busy but she can make time for her friends if she has to I think, and if she'd really like me she'd make time for me too I believe.
    I just really don't get how she was all over me last week and now it feels like everything I say is just annoying her. Soooo for now I'm just shutting my mouth
     
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  5. Bluenote

    Bluenote Well-Known Member

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    She's in Law School.
    When my wife was taking her Med School entrance exams, I got one text a day. It was like a 'thing' - she had 10 minutes in the evening to text and everything else was study, study, chow, study, study, sleep, repeat. She really liked me, I really liked her. But we had to wait a bit.

    She really might not have time until February. Or at least, she might not be sure how much time she can carve out for you, because you guys are just a very casual thing. And you both seem undecided about each other. Like there is a spark, but you don't know how it fits or where it goes.

    I'm not trying to be rude to you, but you don't mess up your law school studying for someone that is a 'spark.'

    If you can't deal with someone who is so busy, you're gonna want to let her go and move on. If you think she might be worth it, you can see if she'll see you in February.
     
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  6. Spygirl

    Spygirl Well-Known Member

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    I get the law school thing. I was there (literally, as in I went to law school). I was also working a job at the same time. There's very little free time -- and when you have it, you really have to devote it to something or someone worthwhile or else you begin to resent the feeling like a hamster in a perpetual wheel thing (not so much different in real life either, though). And it does feel like that and it is crazy. Law school isn't like college..so much crap is thrown at you that, it's like boot camp, really, and it's difficult to wade through it all.

    As @Bluenote said..timing could be everything. If she's worth the wait, find a way to let her know that you're a bit more serious (if you are) than a casual flirt. And, she hasn't told you "no"...so...maybe there's hope.

    Good luck.
     
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  7. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member

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    I read this post last night and my thought was maybe I should ping @Spygirl and now I don't have to :)
     
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  8. Coffee Addict

    Coffee Addict Well-Known Member

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    I know you said your text are flirty but it seems that most of your interactions are while you are under the influence. I am not sure how much I trust that to make a statement. However, I think: 1) study takes a lot of time so it makes sense the scarce response, 2) she has not rejected you directly, so there is hope, and 3) you might need to wait.

    Good luck
     
    #8

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