High School Crush Asked Me Out?!

Discussion in 'Does She Like Me?' started by PooleContract, Dec 6, 2015.

  1. PooleContract

    PooleContract Member

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    So, it's been almost 10 years since we've been done with high school.
    I told her I liked her when I was 18? We were both the same age.
    We used to go clubbing and things would get heated.
    So I assumed maybe she was bi at the very least.
    She denied it! And said she was 'straight.'

    Years went by. We kept in touch.
    We graduated university. Now we're both in the same city.
    We met for dinner in our hometown back in spring (I asked her out to catch up--she was seeing an on-again-off again guy).
    Last month, I messaged her to see how she's settling in her new city (where I've been living for a few years now).
    A few days ago, I got a message from her asking if I'm interested in going out to dinner or drinks with her?!

    In my book, if someone told me they 'liked me' and if I wasn't on the same team as them--I'd stay away! Mostly because I wouldn't want to lead someone on.
    I've never been in a situation where a straight girl asks me out to dinner or drinks.
    Yes, I'm gay.

    What do the lesbians in the house think?! I feel like she's being friendly but i really feel like there's tension between us. Or maybe that's the gay girl inside me talking. Objective views are welcome.
     
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  2. rainydaze

    rainydaze Well-Known Member

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    hi, PooleContract! (you are my first official response on AE! haha! So I may not be so great at this yet)

    Well, in my opinion, I think you don't have enough information to know exactly what is going on. Given your long history of staying in touch, now living in the same city, and you recently asked her out to catch up, she may assume you two are friends and really enjoy the connection. She wouldn't necessarily see it as purposefully leading you on by asking you out to dinner, like you asked her recently, just because you told her you liked her 10 years ago... (unless, maybe, you told her again last spring???).

    Would there be any harm to you if you went out to dinner with her? I mean, is your crush so strong after all of these years, that you can't see her, talk to her, and see where it goes naturally without it being unbearable to you? Do you value your rekindled friendship enough that you can keep good boundaries, if she still views you both as good old friends from high school? Because if she tells you that, you need to believe her...(and then, it's ok, I think, to call her out on any confusing "heated" stuff if it is still happening these days, not from 10 years ago). You are both experienced adults now, you can talk about stuff that was difficult to discuss articulately when you were so young, right?

    Side-note 1, but probably incredibly important before you make any plans: Are YOU single and available to see where it goes with her??? If You are in a relationship, you are playing with fire by hanging out with an old crush whom you are not over. Whether it stays a friendship or not, you clearly still have feelings for the high school crush, and that could cause trouble in your own world if you are not open/honest with yourself and a current girlfriend. Choose wisely the situations in which you place yourself.

    Side-note 2 - Back when I was a "straight girl"(late teens/early 20s), my best friend was a lesbian. We talked openly about the fact that she was gay, although she never outright acknowledged a crush on me until she was in her first long-term relationship with a woman and quite over the crush. I sort of guessed early on that she liked me, but I didn't treat her differently because of it. I didn't view it as leading her on; I would never be cruel to her that way. I respected our friendship and didn't back off from her because I was scared that she liked me. To me, that felt insulting (unless she had asked me to, and then I would have honored her request, of course). I adored her as a friend, but was not attracted to her. I was also aware at the time, (in her life) that there were limited ways to meet other lesbians, so it was natural that since she wasn't dating, and we spent so much time together, that she developed feelings for me. We never did the cuddling/kissing/flirting things that other posters talked about with their platonic friends. Our friendship was very much just friendship/connection, nothing hot or heavy. And her crush eventually waned.
    When I eventually fell in love with a woman, it wasn't her. Our friendship survived that and she was a great help to me as I was coming out to family, friends, and everyone who viewed me as a "straight girl." My point is we are raised with the default of "straightness" so some of us believe we are (or we are seen as "straight") until we discover or announce that we are not. What I'm trying to say, I guess, is she may or may not be "straight"...and she may or may not be into you....And if you are considering pursuing friendship with her, you may want to examine if you could accept all of that without being hurt by it or pining away over her.
     
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  3. rainydaze

    rainydaze Well-Known Member

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    Ps: PooleContract - I wish you the best either way. It sounds like this has been a long, enduring unrequited love....so if she ends up being the "One," or if she is a friend with benefits, or if she is a good, platonic friend, or if she is someone you need to say good-bye to, or a million other possibilities: I wish you the best and hope you are able to make peace with all of it.
    (sorry for the long-winded response. I Need to get better at being concise!)
     
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  4. Eloise

    Eloise Well-Known Member

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    I'd have to agree that you have reached out as a friend and so now she just wants to stay in touch. Plus, it's been a long time since you said you were into her, so maybe she thinks that you just want to be friends now. If you do decide to have dinner with her, go with the idea that she just wants to be your friend. If you can handle that, great. If it turns out she is interested in more, you'll find out soon enough. Let us know what happens.
     
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  5. Coffee Addict

    Coffee Addict Well-Known Member

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    I agree with other, I think she is reaching out to you as a friend. Also, consider that she is kind of new to town and she doesn't have that many friends, and I am guessing you have been friendly to her, so it doesn't seem too out of the ordinary to contact you.
     
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