Hi ladies, I need advice

Discussion in 'General Advice' started by Deleted member 64647, Oct 24, 2019.

  1. Hi, well.. how can I start? ... this is my first time here... But ... let me introduce myself. I am a lesbian,29 years old. I've been with my gf for 4 years now. The only problem I have is that she lacks communication & she is in the closet. Her mom and aunt are basically her moms" and she has me as a secret from them. At first I thought it would be temporary but it's been four years now. I basically share her cause she stays one night here one night at her moms. I love her with all my heart but the lie of being a secret is haunting me. I love her so much. I have spoke to her about this a few times. I never push her to come out. That's no ones duty but hers. I was troubled when I was 12 I came out to my mom. Whom back then didn't accept it. Kicked my butt & kicked me to the curve. I've basically been on my own since I was 16 years old. So, I find it a bit hard when it comes to people being in the closet for so long. Idk what to do.
  2. By the way she is about to be 26 years old and I am her first gf , not to mention she has only had one guy before me. What hurt me is she was a minor and he wasn't when they were together and her mom knew about it. But she says her mom has high pressure and she doesn't accept gay people.
  3. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

    Jul 4, 2013
    Likes Received:
    Not being out with her close relatives sucks and it can sure get old. Community acceptance can be really important to relationships. The only way to stay with her and deal with this is you giving up the thought her ever coming out. Not having expectations of her coming out probably helps your mental state.

    What you can do is help her strategize to make both your lives easier. Skipping around town every other day can get really old as well. She has youth on her side that allows her to do these things but it can take a toll really quickly. She is old enough to be on her own and have her own place with a roommate, (you).

    The other thing that is important is having a community of support on your own. Maybe go to some meetups with some kind of interest you both share that accepts you. (Even better if they are lgbtq.)

    Or, you can always move away from family. Don’t do it just to move away but do it if you find a town you like better. Go travel to different places to see for yourself. Good luck.

    Oh, and the hypocrisy with the way her mom knew about her ex is really annoying.
  4. Writer23

    Writer23 Well-Known Member

    Jul 14, 2018
    Likes Received:
    I think it is completely ok for you to feel as you feel. It seems as if you feel a sense of guilt in wanting her to come out. Four years is very long time and anyone in your position would likely feel uneasy with her reluctance. Let her know everything that you think and feel and express it to her with utter kindness and love. Talk to her in Ernest. Make it clear that you love her. Tell her that you are proud of who you are and recount again your struggles as a child. Make it clear that people who are closeted often fear rejection from love ones. Also, some are ashamed of who they are. Let her know that her Journey is her Journey; however, it is killing you... Again express yourself. Then when you are done, if she is still in her same space, decide what you want for yourself. In the end, you have the right to be happy too. In the end, you have the right to find someone who loves you unabashedly and is courageously comfortable in her skin.
    lilacblush likes this.

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