Her parents know

Discussion in 'General Advice' started by HoneyInferno, Jan 29, 2014.

  1. HoneyInferno

    HoneyInferno Member

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    Hello :)

    Uhm, I really need advice on a current situation I have with my gf because I really don't know what to do anymore. The problem is that we're not really talking anymore because her parents know about us being together. Her parents and mine as well are extreme homophobes, we even go to church together (Ikr). Her parents know but mine don't. The thing is that her parents have asked her to stop talking to me (no communication whatsoever). It's been over a month since her parents found out. She has stopped to a certain extent (replied once in a while) even though I would still send her msgs which I'm actually going to stop now since she basically reminded me not to anymore because “It kind of beats the whole purpose of not talking to each other..but seriously, we shouldn't LOL”. During church, she wouldn't even look at me. Although she pointed out that I can dance during a play we're rehearsing during/for church (only she knows aside from my siblings). When I came back from 1 month vacation, (we stopped talking halfway because of her parents) she tried to avoid me at first. It was during a church friend's b-day and the youth was invited (which we are both part of), when we really got to see each other again after a long time. She would mention my favourite things. She would say “My favourite drink is Sprite right next to iced tea (her fav.), and during dinner she got rice but as soon as she saw/yells spaghetti (my fav), she put the rice back right away and got spaghetti instead. A friend mentioned dancing and she even said “I take dancing lessons” (she doesn't) and other things that relate to me. I found it odd at first that she would even mention these things because I automatically assumed she doesn't love me anymore since we stopped communicating. What should I do? Should I keep talking to her? Maybe more in real life instead of messaging her? She's quite inclined to listen to her parents even though she loves me (Maybe not anymore?)? She never said we broke up, only kept saying how her parents said we shouldn't talk to each other and she made a promise not to since her parents are going through some stuff. I never know what to do when I see her because I just don't know what to say without being awkward. I really love her and she's really important to me. Despite being complete opposites, we are also similar in some ways. Not to mention being best friends after only half a year LOL soul mates even? Ahaha I don't know. I'm confused, please help!
     
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  2. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

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    Please don't do anything in writing and certainly no texting. Her parents might be reading everything if they are that controlling.

    You can only casually say hi and just wait it out. If you really think that she is giving you secret messages, then try reading or leaving this book near her:

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Silk_%28novel%29

    That is "Silk" by Alessandro Baricco.

    But please do not press her or get with a guy and try to pass off being straight.
     
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  3. HoneyInferno

    HoneyInferno Member

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    Thanks greylin! I will follow your advice. I was confident in sending her msgs before because she has a password on her phone but I'll definitely hold back on sending her anything this time. Should I bother giving her hugs? She loves it when we hug so would a hug be alright? She actually hates it more when I hug other people LOL (she gets very jealolus). Just not in front of her parents?
     
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  4. Sagan

    Sagan Active Member

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    This is called forbidden love and is tested by circumstances. Is up to both of you to keep this love secretly alive until you are grown up enough to stand up for what you love.
     
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  5. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

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    Hi HoneyInferno, it really depends on whether she really wants to cut it off with you or not. Asking for anything physical without clear confirmation would be you pressuring her. She will break out from her parent's shadow one day but she might not be in a situation where she clearly knows what she wants, only what she doesn't want. She doesn't want the stress of being on the outs of her parents or be different. Just be kind to her when you find an opportunity but you have got to move on and not expect anything back. Please be okay with yourself in spite of all this and you will be in a good place when you are an independent adult and out of the house.

    There are ways her parents can intercept all her messages whether there is a lock or not. So, nothing written, not even on paper.

    In other words, let her initiate if there is anything there.
     
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  6. HoneyInferno

    HoneyInferno Member

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    Sagan: I guess so. I suppose only time will tell.

    Greylin: That makes sense. I think I was just trying to cherish what little interaction we have with each other because she said she's moving to Calgary too. It's clear she wants to stop talking but I guess the things she would say that only we would both know or things that relate to me when we're around other people got me confused. She would say them out of the blue too but yeah I'll stop pressuring and talking to her unless I really have to (like during rehearsals or parties). There's going to be a party (lady is part of the church) on Friday which she will most likely come to and another rehearsal on Sunday. I'll just have to wait until then if anything even happens.
     
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  7. sundancer

    sundancer Well-Known Member

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    This question is a tad off topic, but how old are you guys? It sounds like both of your are minors. If you two are minors, I would stop communicating full stop with each other because like greylin said, you don't know if her parents are reading everything you're saying whether it's on the mobile phone, emails, etc.
     
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  8. HoneyInferno

    HoneyInferno Member

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    @sundancer: She's 16 and I'm 18.

    *LONG UPDATE: Oook, so on friday my friend that we are both close to said she didn't show up to the party because she was cramming for finals. Both her parents were at the party but I didn't really see them since I was in the basement watching a movie with the other youth.

    During the rehearsal on Sunday, she came in late and acted like her usual self. I didn't talk to her and vice versa. I would occasionally look at her whenever I can. It seemed as though she was dropping more hints again or maybe I'm just over thinking? She was wearing a cat sweater even though she hates cats (said it out loud during rehearsal even though I already knew). I only have a small stuffed cat toy and my favourite animal is a tiger as well. There's a part where we have to line up and beside me on the right is another girl and she's right next to her. She randomly brought up how she has the same sweater as I was wearing that day to the girl between us (She likes it when we match). There's a part of the play where we have to put stars on each other (7 other people) and the reason why I'm mentioning the star is because I sent her this quote before “I feel like a part of my soul has loved you since the beginning of everything. Maybe we're from the same star” LOL I would always bring it up ahaha I also sent it to her when she was angry and it made her feel better afterwards XD Anyway, when stars was mentioned, she immediately shouted “STARS! STARS!” out of the blue followed by an awkward silence since no one else said anything. Before the play was changed, her and our friend were going to be the townspeople of the play and they were the ones who were going to pick out the dolls and put the star stickers on them. Even though the play has already changed for a while now, she would always and still talks about wanting to be a town person instead of a farmer doll, mentioning how she wants to be the one to pick and place stars on the dolls (I'm a doll and I think she wants to put a star on me?). Another thing she did was that she would try to avoid my field of vision, like trying to slightly go behind me and I end up having that prickly feeling of someone directly looking at me on her side (keep in mind we're lined up so only the person next to me can see me). At one point, she also randomly took the phone of the girl that was next to me and flipped it fast sideways into the air and catched it like I always do. I think I heard her say cock blocks a few times. She considered everyone a cock block because it was hard to get touchy with each other before and also since it was hard for us to ever be alone without being interuppted. Idk about this part but she shouted the name of her school a few times while making eye contact with me. Did she want me to visit??

    Anyway after the play, we all lined up to get food in the gym and her parents were there. I had to go pass in front of the table her mom and dad were sitting on. Her mom I believe was looking at me as I entered the gym and past her, while her dad's back was facing me. I freaked out so I ended up avoiding eye contact and looked straight ahead like I was preoccupied looking for the end of the line. When were in the line up, I stayed further away making sure some of our friends were between us. I talked to my sister in front of me and another guy who was behind me. She did the same with the people between her. Her dad was facing us at this point and he would occasionally look up at us. We ended up eating in the lobby where there were chairs and couches. Some of the youth left and the couch next to her was open. I was standing up next to another couch across from her while she sat on a chair. I decided to sit on the couch but on the left end as it was further away from her, also because her parents might see us too close to one another. I gave her a few glances but nothing more. Later on, her mom came telling her that they should leave now but she asked to stay longer. Her mom turned away to leave but turned right around saying “10 mins” and left to the gym. Afterwards, she sat across from me and shared a chair with our friend. I pretended to read on my kobo since I didn't know what else to do. I didn't have “Silk” on my kobo so I read fan fiction (she writes fanfics) and told the guy next to me really loud that's what I was reading. At one point, her parents were waiting for her so they were standing to my right. I could just feel them looking at me XD OMG. She kept talking to everyone else while her parents waited for another 5 mins before leaving.

    So yeah that's what happened. I also haven't sent her anything since last week.
     
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