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Discussion in 'General Advice' started by Mel123, Oct 11, 2015.

  1. Mel123

    Mel123 Member

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    How do I get to know my crush if she is busy with school all the time? I know she isn't lying to me when she tells me she has to study because I see her studying in the library all the time. Should I just take it as a sign that she doesn't want to be with me. We talk before class starts but after that she seams distant. To be honest I am not even sure if she is a lesbian or bi let alone if she actually likes me. But for the very least I would like to be her friend but I can't even seam to do that when she is too busy.
     
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  2. Bluenote

    Bluenote Well-Known Member

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    If she is really busy all the time, there is no way to get to know her. If she is that busy, she would be too busy to spend time with you if she was a gf. Some people just have a lot going on in their lives (school, work, family stuff) and aren't in a place where they want to date, or even make new friends. I know that it is hard to say 'just move on to someone available' - but - move on to someone available.
     
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  3. Spygirl

    Spygirl Well-Known Member

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    She's just not that into you. Period.

    You're not even her friend yet; she's distant when she talks to you before class; and she's made no effort to initiate any kind of anything with you. You have an unrequited crush who's given you no indication that she's lesbian, bi, straight -- and even if she were, she's apparently not divulging anything to you. Think about it...even if she were up for friendship, she'd probably be a little more interested in your conversations, wouldn't she?

    Based on what you've said -- her constant studying is one of two things: 1. it's really studying and she's just too busy to have any new friendships or relationships; or 2. she can see from a mile away that you're into her but doesn't have the heart to break it to you that it's never going to happen.
     
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  4. lorienczhiu

    lorienczhiu Well-Known Member

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    I checked out your previous post. You've got it bad, and you're feeling lonely, huh?

    Girl, here's how to not be a creeper and flirt without invading someone's space: pay attention to what they are telling you. And this girl is telling you - with her body language, her distance, her privacy, and her busyness - that you and your friendship are not an interest or a priority for her. If she wanted you to keep pushing, she would sit next to you in class, walk with you afterwards, drop hints about her ex-girlfriends to confirm her queer status, make study dates for after dinner. These are all things I did to prolong flirting as a busy stressed out student, mostly with people who just ended up being friends.

    Look. It's hard to want to make friends, and it's hard to have an unrequited crush. 100%. But friendship, relationships, even flirting - they all require two consenting participants to make them work, and this girl is showing you that she is not on board. Continuing to push is disrespectful. Step back gracefully, and look elsewhere for your friendships and potential dates.
     
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  5. Bluenote

    Bluenote Well-Known Member

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    I guess I would like to add that there is no magic secret to making someone like you if they don't. Or making someone want to get to know you if they don't. If someone isn't interested, in dating or in friendship, they just aren't interested. It doesn't really matter the reason - if they are busy, or stressed, or sort of seeing someone else, you aren't their type, or they not in a good place to date - there is nothing that you can do to make them interested. You can't charm / push / manipulate / etc... someone into being your friend or dating you.

    Now, if someone is kind of interested in you, your behavior can draw that person closer or push them away.

    But this woman has shown zero interest in you. Continuing to pursue her will probably make her feel uncomfortable and will leave you frustrated.
     
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