Help with delicate situation

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by Hellagood, Mar 27, 2018.

  1. Hellagood

    Hellagood New Member

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    Hi folks, I'm new and in need of advice for a tricky situation.

    My girlfriend and I have been together for about a year now and things are going well. However, while I am out to my parents she hasn't told hers we are together, and we haven't met. She kept saying she would tell them but it kept getting put off. Initially I was quite upset but made piece with the fact that gf and mom don't have a good relationship, so I didn't want to push it.

    Now, horribly, my girlfriend's mum is very ill and may not recover. I want to support my gf through this time but feel stuck. I know I
    can support her emotionally from a distance but worry the family will ask questions if I am around all the time. I don't want my gf to feel like she has to come out because her mom is sick. It is an awkward situation. My main concern is that my girlfriend feels supported. I would love to go further and help her family too but as of now I am a total stranger.

    Sorry this hasn't been very concise. Essentially how do I support my girlfriend and her family through her mom's illness when her family don't know I exist?

    Thanks everyone
     
    #1
  2. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

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    I think it is great that you are sensitive to your gf’s needs and not press for her to be out. I would also let her be the lead as to what kind of support she needs from you during her mom’s illness. Your love and concern for her is a background but important thing to sustain her at this time. It is not uncommon for women to have fast friends who are always there. She can easily navigate the explanation. Again let her take the lead on this.

    May you find peace in your relationship during this difficult time
     
    #2
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  3. Zionne Days

    Zionne Days New Member

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    Hi there,

    Firstly, I hope this message finds you well and since your post, you and your girlfriend have been able to speak about this matter. If not, my advice is this... speak to your gf delicately about the concerns above. Try and frame it in a way that doesn't sound overbearing or too much about how you're feeling. This as you've put it is a "tricky situation", one where your gfs feelings are likely to be all over the place and emotionally charged.

    Although the concerns you have about her family finding out who you are are valid, I doubt you'll play into their minds too much at present. In such circumstance, I can't help but feel that they'll be far less concerned about who you are and far more occupied with your gfs mothers health to really care at this moment in time. I would stress to your gf that you'd like to help her as much as you can and gage her response. Tell her that you love her and want to be there for her and work off what she says. You're obviously a very kind and considerate person, and if she's anything like you, I'm she she'll be receptive to this.

    Wishing you all the best
     
    #3
  4. Blueeyedtiger

    Blueeyedtiger New Member

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    Why can't her family know you exist? Can't you at least be her best friend? You probably are any way.

    I enjoyed reading that you want to support her and not be selfish about the situation. At the same time I want to protect you and say you are worth someone being out for you two, but I get it isn't progressive in all areas, with all families, and in all situations.
     
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