Help talking to/meeting lesbians?

Discussion in 'Advice on Meeting Women' started by Noelle, Dec 19, 2014.

  1. Noelle

    Noelle Member

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    So, I've been out now for about two and a half years....and I really would like to practice meeting and talking to other lesbian. For so many years I tried to as straight, and like other posts I have read, I feel as though I am able to talk with guys better and easier than with woman. I feel like woman can be more intimidating in ways, but maybe that's just my perception. I live in a small but open minded town. I'm 30 have already gone through school. There are a couple of gay bars in town, but I don't seem to have much luck. Can anyone recommend OTHER ways, places to meet lesbian other than in the bars? Thanks:). Where do lesbians in their thirties hang out?
     
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  2. Bluenote

    Bluenote Well-Known Member

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    It's harder to talk to women versus guys because you actually care. When you are attracted to someone, you care about the outcome and nerves kick in. The only thing you can do about this is to just talk to women more. As you get more used to it, you get less nervous. Or, you learn to cope with the nervousness.

    Bars, coffee shops, events (like fundraisers), church, volunteer groups, clubs (like a hiking club) are ways to meet women. Also, people use online tools - meetup is a good way to meet people. And, of course, online dating.

    Good luck.
     
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  3. Noelle

    Noelle Member

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    Hey thanks for your thoughtful response....appreciate your help ;)
     
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  4. LiveInTheMoment

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    I have no problem approaching other ladies (straight or gay) well!!!! But maintaining a friendship is a different story!!! so you are not alone.

    THE STRUGGLE IS REAL LOL
     
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  5. Noelle

    Noelle Member

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    Dude, I wish I could say that I have no trouble approaching ladies! I haven't done much of it, so it's probably due to lack of practice?
     
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  6. LiveInTheMoment

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    For me is more like personality. I'm an extravert, so it's very easy for me to approach someone (male/female/gay/straight)
     
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  7. Bluenote

    Bluenote Well-Known Member

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    I think the "setting" can help with that. If you are going to a bar and you go talk to a woman, she figures you are trying to pick her up. So, of course, that is an intimidating situation. But if you meet women in more of a social way - at a meet up, through a hiking club, at a friend's party - then it's not a given that you are trying to hit on her. Then it is more natural and easier to just have a nice conversation.

    My 2 cents.
     
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  8. amy12

    amy12 Member

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    I agree with Bluenote, it's best to try an environment that is less intimidating. I remember when I came out in college and went to the local lesbian bar, was petrified, didn't talk to anyone but my friend and drank too much from nerves. I've had the best luck in non-bar and club environments like coffee shops or bookstores, gyms, etc. I find that those environments (aside from if it is a meet-up for gay ladies) provide me the ability to make eye contact and receive it. Now, the way I present myself would make it easy for many to assume I'm gay, not the case with women who are more feminine. I say this because regardless of how refined your gay-dar is (or whether you believe it exists haha) eye contact is a door opener. Not just once but a few times or sustained eye contact. If you think a girl is pretty you should try making eye contact a few times and see if it peaks her interest, throw in a smile; what's the worst that will happen?

    For me if eye contact is made a few times, and smiles returned--I try to find a way to make further contact but nothing too over the top. I won't go on and write a book but I've had a lot of experience and you can feel free to pick my brain if you'd like!

    As for women in their 30's and where to find them? I would rather say this: It's the "where" you find them that matters. Single women in their 30's could literally be anywhere. Frequent places where you may find someone with something in common. I'd rather hang out in certain places looking to meet someone because they might have similar interests. If you are not a club person, don't go to clubs looking to find someone (who probably likes to frequent clubs. Not saying you don't like clubs but just as an example...) You also say you are from a small town so that may limit your choices. However do try to gear your search towards places that queer folk may frequent? For example: I currently live a few miles outside of Boston so finding tons of lesbians is literally a piece of cake (well, my experience anyways). My gf and I went on a roadtrip this past summer and made a stop in nowhereville Indiana. I wasn't expecting to find any queer people--the breakfast joint was...intense...but we went to a Starbucks near the highway and found that the barista started flirting with me and there seemed to be queer folk there (cause gaydar and other tell tale signs to tip me off). I was pleasantly surprised and chastised myself so assumed there would be no gays around hahaha. Anyways my post has become a book! ;)...hopefully you have some luck! Just put yourself out there! (safely of course)... :)
     
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  9. Noelle

    Noelle Member

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    Thanks for your input! I've read and processed the information and now its just a matter of courageous application:)
     
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  10. Bluenote

    Bluenote Well-Known Member

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    yay. Keep us posted.
     
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  11. Noelle

    Noelle Member

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    Will do! Fingers crossed :)
     
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  12. aussie_gabby

    aussie_gabby Well-Known Member

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    Online dating worked for me.

    I found past a certain age I didn't really want to go out to lesbian bars to meet women anymore. And most women from about 28 upwards are more interested in a good bar that you can have a proper conversation than standing up all night in a ridiculously crowed gay bay (that's been my experience anyway).

    If you do you online dating, have a chat for a a while online for sure, but don't do it for months before you take the jump to meet in person. If you find someone you like, take the plunge and ask them out for coffee or a drink. The worse thing that will come out of it is it might not be a match made in heaven and you get a funny bad date story out of it ;)
     
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  13. sundancer

    sundancer Well-Known Member

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    I didn't find online dating helpful... the matches I got were.... well... I wanted to poke my eye out. That's how bad it was for me. I would prefer to meet someone in person or just meet them at a friend's party or a class or something - and I'm an introvert. I'm trying meetup as a social experiment though.
     
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  14. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member

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    I found online dating a far better option to meet women after I left my 20s far behind and wasn't burning the candle at both ends as regularly as before. Find a site that suits you (hook ups/relationships/friendship) and tell the truth about yourself. It is a bit scary at first as it's new ground, but find someone with similar interests and strike up a conversation. Good luck.
     
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  15. Bluenote

    Bluenote Well-Known Member

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    I have some friends who met online and got married. I've also heard embarrasing horror stories. My (also lesbian sister, mom loved that, lol) had decent results. Though she wound up meeting her partner at church.

    Which is just dating in general, not restricted to online dating.
     
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  16. Spygirl

    Spygirl Well-Known Member

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    I met my better half online..although when we first started talking, it was more a friend thing and wasn't about dating -- she lived halfway across the country, so it was about common interests and good conversation at a time in life where we both needed a friend and weren't looking for anything more. Surprised us both when a relationship happened.
     
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  17. Noelle

    Noelle Member

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    Thanks for all of your responses...I am also an introvert so for me meeting people in general is quite the challenge, not to mention females who I find attractive.Guess I have to find a way to muster up the courage somehow, and just go for it!
     
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  18. Noelle

    Noelle Member

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    I am also an introvert...
     
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  19. SDBonVivant

    SDBonVivant Member

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    You can do it! Confidence is a turn on :D
     
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  20. aussie_gabby

    aussie_gabby Well-Known Member

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    I've had a couple of'interesting' dates off internet dating but i also met my partner through online dating. Now those dates make great stories to laugh about and i am really happy. I think it's no big difference than grabbing someone's number at a bar.

    And meeting in a bar or online dating, if she's not right, not your type or just downright crazy... only time can tell with that!
     
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