Help Is she afraid to admit her feelings?

Discussion in 'Does She Like Me?' started by Cs171, Apr 1, 2016.

  1. Cs171

    Cs171 New Member

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    Hi. Im bi and my best friend is bi also. We have been friends for
    Almost 10 years now. We have had situations in the past where she was
    Very flirty towards me and in many ways came on to me. I was
    Scared in the past and didnt really give in. Even though i knew i liked her
    But for some reason i had fear. And i just tried to ignore it. But over time
    I sarted to listen to my feelings more. But then over time we finally made Out one night . We were tipsy though. But it was great and
    Made me feel worse cause i realyzed more that i liked even more after
    And she seemed to enjoy it and say i was a good kisser. So a couple months after that. I finally just had to tell her what i was feeling
    And i told her. She seemed weird but She said she didnt feel the same
    But she kept on just sayin how would this work anyway? It would have to be a secret and i dont think i could come out with it and all that. Sooo i was confused because she said she didnt , but acted in a way she thought about it. And i just felt like she was not being truthful. Or am i wrong?
    We actually are friends still. Thats the good part. But i still have the same
    Strong feelings. And it really sucks. And im afraid to
    Bring it up again. But the strange part is that she does
    Know how i feel now. And she still sometimes gets flirty with me
    And the way she looks at me so it makes feel that she does. And there was
    One night while we were out with other friends and she started acting like
    We were a couple. And she was dancing with me in a flirty way and getting
    Really close and she even tried to kiss
    Me! And thats not the only time. Sooooo i was taken back. And confused. What should
    I do???? Am i crazy? She says one thing but then she acts flirty at times to
    Me still and gives me
    Looks. Then she pushes away. So what should i do? Anyone?
     
    #1
  2. becsgotswag

    becsgotswag Member

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    I can only judge by what you posted but seems like your friend wants to have her cake and eat it too.
    She doesnt want you, but wants to use you for her own personal entertainment and ego booster when it suits her. Its extremely easy to misinterpret things and see things when we want something.

    Personally i would let go of the idea that something is going to happen, do not let her manipulate you or use you. Treat her like any other friend and nothing else. If she wanted you, and wanted more nothing would be stopping her. She is enjoying the tease and the game (it is fun afterall. everyone loves attention)
     
    #2
    Spygirl likes this.
  3. Spygirl

    Spygirl Well-Known Member

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    You have to take what she says at face value. That is, she said she didn't feel the same. And that will hold unless and until she flat out tells you something different. End of story.

    The flirting and everything else -- well, it could be that she likes the attention and is using it, as the poster above said, as an ego boost. She's taking advantage of the situation.
     
    #3
    becsgotswag likes this.
  4. Bluenote

    Bluenote Well-Known Member

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    One of the tough things about life is that it can be very hard to step outside of ourselves and be neutral. It is very easy to see things the way we want to see them, which sometimes is very different from how they are.

    In your situation you are adding things up - 'I am bi, my best friend is bi, she knows I am into her, she flirts with me' and the conclusion you would like is 'she likes me, but is afraid to act.' Almost willing the situation into a dynamic - 'be assertive back, help her get over her fear and we will wind up together.'

    I don't know enough about her and the back story of your interactions to be able to tell for sure. But it seems pretty clear that being flirty doesn't mean the same thing to her as it does to you. To you, it seems like a sign that she likes you. To her, it seems like something that she does in the moment, enjoys in the moment, but doesn't seem to want to take beyond some kissing / dancing / PDA.

    You gave her a chance to confess her feelings and - well, she didn't say "I really like you." She was "weird" and said she "didn't feel the same." That is a pretty clear 'no, I don't like you in that way' message.

    As for the dancing, almost kissing stuff - the truth is, lots of people compartmentalize between sex and emotion. They do things that are sexual because they feel good, but don't necessarily have a big romantic attraction to the other person.

    All you can do is set boundaries for yourself. All you can do is tell her 'I have feelings for you, please don't flirt with me / act like my gf / kiss me unless you have some feelings for me too. It is just too confusing and hard for me.' If she can't understand that, then she is kind of a crappy best friend.
     
    #4

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