He refuses to meet me

Discussion in 'General Advice' started by starbuck_80, Mar 30, 2014.

  1. starbuck_80

    starbuck_80 Member

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    I've been dating my girlfriend for just over a year and we live together in London. She is American and her family live in the US and I get on well with her mum but her brother refuses to acknowledge or meet me. He is happy to see my girlfriend alone and let her spend time with his kids, but doesn't want to get to know me or let me meet his children. This has been the only cause of arguments in our relationship as I have to leave the room when they Skype and last year she went back to the US for 12 days without me to see them. I'm finding it harder and harder to deal with as I feel completely excluded and when I try to talk about it my girlfriend just says that he finds it hard and to give him time. If i'm honest, I don't think he will ever come around and she will never challenge him on it as he is her brother and she obviously loves him. I love my girlfriend but I am really struggling with the way she puts her brother's feelings above me and her own. Coming out and struggling to find your place in the world is hard enough, but having to deal with this type of exclusion on a weekly basis is heartbreaking.

    Has anyone else experienced this or have any advice?
     
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  2. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

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    It is the brother's loss for not wanting to be fully a part of his sister's life. Unfortunately your girlfriend is not having the reaction to his behavior as you want. Surely she is just as distressed as you and self conflicted besides. I hope you can find a way to love her unconditionally and support her.

    It is a serious situation to be discriminated; however, bringing a little levity to your girlfriend's mind before she leaves for the states maybe the key to diffusing this affront to both of you. Say something, tongue in cheek, "okay, go, but you are going to pay!" Also one thing that might be important along the line of her compensating is just to let you vent. Being able to talk it through with your partner without her being defensive and feel beaten up is important. In other words, let her know you are there for her and you support her, but just let you be able to voice your feelings every time this comes up.
     
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