Having the safe-sex talk (or not) with the li...

Discussion in 'General Advice' started by anonymousgirl7, Feb 22, 2014.

  1. anonymousgirl7

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    Here's the situation. My younger, teenage sister is dating her first girlfriend. I'd like to be in a bubble where she's still five and thinks kissing is gross and that things beyond kissing are grosser still, but I do function in the real world where she's a young woman and has all the feelings and such that go along with that. I'm pretty sure that the standard sex-ed in public schools don't yet adequately cover the safe-sex rules of same-sex relationships, at least not in our town. Also, her parents (we have different moms, same dad) likely figure that "hey, she can't get pregnant, so that's that" and think it's a non-issue. My sister's girlfriend is a few years older and has had more relationships, but that doesn't guarantee any more knowledge or responsibility.

    The atmosphere at home has been very tense and difficult ever since their relationship came to light, and we don't have the typical, old-school sister relationship where I can plop down and say, "So can we talk about the nitty gritty parts of lady love for a sec? You should know this". I want her to be knowledgeable about sexual safety and health, but I'm ill-equipped because a) communication is a constant challenge for us, b) those things she should know are things I don't know myself because c) I haven't had to know them and she very well knows that I'm not an authority on the subject.

    Where do I go from here? Is there a good way to approach the subject? Are there some good resources I can send her way? Is there no way around the awkward topic part and I just have to go for it? I just want to do the right thing here
    and not neglect any older sisterly duties.

    Thank you for any wisdom!
     
    #1
  2. TADinUS

    TADinUS Well-Known Member

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    Re: Having the safe-sex talk (or not) with th...

    GIYF (Google Is Your Friend)

    Type in: safe sex lesbian
    There are articles and posts about first time.
    If they are both teenagers, it maybe easy to direct them to their own research. I myself was having sex before sex-ed.
    For most people, there is usually one who has more experience than the other.

    Honestly thou... I don't quite remember my first time. Other than WOW, what is this? what new smells / taste... and not quite something you want to talk about with mom or sisters. You don't need to present her with a manual.

    When I meet my wife, I asked her about her STD status and I had just taken my tests 2 weeks before and we knew we were both clean.
     
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  3. anonymousgirl7

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    Re: Having the safe-sex talk (or not) with th...

    Thanks for your reply. I realize that gentle guidance is the way to go, if anything. She does have a brain, and resources, and the like...maybe that post was more helpful to me than the help I wanted to be.
     
    #3
  4. lorienczhiu

    lorienczhiu Well-Known Member

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    Re: Having the safe-sex talk (or not) with th...

    She has a brain, and access to google... but I think she still needs a big sister talk (and kudos for being that person! but it's gonna be a hair awkward.) When my sister started dating, I told her that I wished I'd had someone closer to my age to talk to, and I had just a few things I wanted to share but that I promised I wouldn't be too gross about it.

    So, your job isn't to teach her how to have safe lady-lovin' sex... but you CAN tell her that this shit probably doesn't get talked about in school, but that sex between women can transmit STDs and she should be safe - the sad truth is that most young lesbians have really irresponsible sex, and that dental dams are hard to find. (See: http://www.girlswithslingshots.com/comic/gws-1322/).

    More importantly, that sex can be scary and fun and confusing and silly and exhilarating, and it probably won't be all that all the time. That it's okay if she has sex, and okay if she doesn't. Tell her what you wish you'd known before having sex. For me, that would be - that you wish you'd thought/talked/not been so embarrassed, that you had thought about safety beyond pregnancy, that you were comfortable with saying yes and saying no. Don't tell her what to do, but let her know that you trust her and that she should do some thinking and talking with her partner, and that you know it's weird and awkward but you are there for her if she wants to talk, needs a ride to a clinic, or needs help later. Your door is open. You love her.

    And hug her, and tell her you're happy she's found someone she likes and that if anyone ever hurts her, you are 100% in her corner. Be her big sister; you know how to do that.
     
    #4
  5. TADinUS

    TADinUS Well-Known Member

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    Re: Having the safe-sex talk (or not) with th...

    Communications is always important...
    I recall that there are support groups for homosexual teenagers.

    (Found edit button)
    That comic is funny... actually, it could also be good for young women... even the Army uses comic books to teach safety when dealing with weapons, etc.
     
    #5
  6. hanginround

    hanginround Active Member

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    Re: Having the safe-sex talk (or not) with th...

    Hey there,

    I agree that a sex talk with your siblings is a good thing. I didn't get the talk from my older sibling but I made sure to do so with both my younger sister and brother. I don't think sexual orientation should make the conversation much different, I'm a lesbian and both my siblings are straight. To me the idea was to give them to opportunity to have an open and honest conversation about how to be safe both physically and emotionally. I figured that the conversation was of adult content so I spoke to them as adults, directly and respectfully. I found that it was usually a few conversations to make sure they had a full understanding rather then just one. I made sure to fortify that our conversation was completely private and that I would always be available to them as a resource. This of course meant having to come through when they needed condoms, day after pills, and visits to doctors to make sure they didn't have an sti.
    I have had to play similar roles for my partners nieces and cousins and I can assure you even if they are bashful at first they will almost always turn to you for advise or help.

    Best of luck.
     
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