Have you ever falling in love with someone but you know deep down you two will never be a couple?

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by LoloAlea, Jan 3, 2017.

  1. LoloAlea

    LoloAlea New Member

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    Last year I met my long distance best friend/love interest on an free therapy site. I never thought I would ever meet someone that means the world to me on a site that was strictly anonymous. We weren't suppose to give each other our personal information.
    I guess our first encounter made us feel like we want to be more than strangers.
    We've stayed in touch for a whole year via text, we've also skype a few times but mainly we text each other daily. Like we were good old friends. She knows of my feelings for her. She doesn't share the same feelings but she was willing to get to know me in person to see who we are offline. She told me "We could have a potential relationship in the future".
    I'm 29 going on 30. I never had a relationship personal choice. Last year I had to end many close friendships with people I knew since we were teens. Those ex friends took advantage of my friendship. They emotionally, mentally and narcissistic abused me. I was too naïve to notice that those friends only wanted me for their personal needs. I was too kind hearted to let these people go cause I feared of abandonment.
    My long distance friend was only one that truly cared for me. I didn't feel like I was a burden, I didn't feel like she was using me, I didn't feel that she would abandon me. Yet I feared she would someday.
    My insecurities and trust issues took a toll on me last year that I didn't want to get too close with her. She was the one that made the effort to stay in touch. To truly be there for me when I felt like no one even cared how I am. She capture my heart but I had to let her go for the sake of our friendship. I told her that we should remain friends (and we always were) because I dont know when we'll ever meet up. I want her to find herself and learn to be independent. She's going to be 20 this year. The only relationship she ever had was with her abusive ex a few years back. She is a smart woman to take care of herself first and choose to being single until she is ready to commit.

    As for me I know I'll always be in love with her. We have a emotional connection that we both don't want to lose. I love her too much that I fear of losing her. It is hard for me to picture myself with anyone cause I am so use to being single. If she ever felt she wanted to be more than friends. I still want us to be platonic, go slow and take our time. To be honest, the distance will destroy us. I rather be present than distance. Because I don't want my first relationship to be long distance. Its already difficult for me to be so far away from her. I hope one day I'll meet her face to face. We still stay in touch I hope it'll continue. This year I need to find myself, stop dwelling about the past and learn self love.
     
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  2. Emm

    Emm Well-Known Member

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    That last point is basically your answer.

    If you need to learn self love...do that first. Because until you do it's really easy to slip back into old habits of putting everyone else first.

    I wish I had some great advice about the abandonment issue, I've got that too. It gets easier when you try to rationalise it and stop having that at the forefront of things. If you enter a relationship thinking already that they will leave you its not going to be a healthy relationship, mainly for you.
     
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    Spygirl and LoloAlea like this.
  3. LoloAlea

    LoloAlea New Member

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    She was making me anxious and very nervous. I'm not ready for a relationship. If I ever met the one for me I would want her to go very slow. As in platonic and ease into romantic. I can't have that type of relationship online. I want to be there by her side. This is why I was letting go. I have insecurities and trust issues. I need space from people. Just enough so I can breath and think for myself. If she wants more she will let me know.
     
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