Have I let this ship sail??

Discussion in 'Does She Like Me?' started by skj091, Nov 13, 2018.

  1. skj091

    skj091 New Member

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    Hi everyone! I'm yet to post in the welcome thread, but will do so!

    I'm Sarah - it's nice to be here! I'm 27 and in the process of coming out to my friends and family (2 friends down, family will likely be last as I'm avoiding..!). I've known that I'm a lesbian since probably 12 or 13, but it's taken me many years to build up the courage to stop suppressing my feels and instead embrace them.

    OK! So here's the brief story:

    About 2 years ago, a friend I worked with told me that a mutual friend of ours has a lady crush on me. (Let's call her X). The. world. stopped. spinning. on. its. axis. This was the girl that I've had the BIGGEST crush on for close to 10 years. She's beautiful, hilarious, and a really, really talented actor. Ticks every box.

    At the time, I was completely denying my homosexuality (so much that when the mutual friend asked me once at work what my 'deal' is, 'straight, gay etc?', I blurted out 'DEFINITELY STRAIGHT' so defensively.

    So, the mutual friend probably told her I'm straight. Anyway, she recently invited me to her 30th last week. I didn't get a chance to speak to her too much because I'm silllllly and wasn't proactive. Played it safe. It was a great party though. It was really quite small so I felt like her consciously deciding she wanted me there was really saying something. I made her a really thoughtful gift and a few days after the party she sent me a thank you text. I replied the following day and slipped in a 'hey can i pick your brain about career advice sometime' (I've just graduated from drama school).

    No. reply. It's been almost a week. I'm a bit gutted. I am so new to this and I'm kicking myself thinking about the possibility that because I did nothing a couple of years ago I've missed my chance :'(. I really can't tell whether she's no longer interested, wasn't 'that' interested in the first place, or IS interested and is simply not actively pursuing anything with me because she's convinced i'm straight....


    Help meeeee!

    Thanks so much, sorry it's long-winded!
     
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    Last edited: Nov 13, 2018
  2. Coffee Addict

    Coffee Addict Well-Known Member

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    There is only one way to know. You have to ask her or at least give her a chance to know you are also interested.

    Asking career advise is not the most obvious pickup line. I am guessing you are friends, so invite her for a coffee or something casual, you can say her party was great but you didn't have a chance to talk alone.

    In the words of William F. O'Brien:
    Some say "Don't ever fall in love,
    Play the game of life wide open,
    Burn your candle at both ends."
    But I say "No! It's better to have loved and lost,
    Than never to have loved at all, my friend."
     
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  3. skj091

    skj091 New Member

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    Hmm you make very good points. I’m so sensitive to every little thing that I’m not looking at it from an objective POV.

    The sad thing is we are living in different cities (Melb and Sydney) so it’s not as simple as asking her to coffee... we won’t be in the same city until feb
     
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  4. Coffee Addict

    Coffee Addict Well-Known Member

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    If going soon to her city is not possible, you need to go the online/texting route, try to make some progress over the phone before going to see her.

    I don't know what her interests are, so just venturing a guess you could start a conversation sending her a picture of something you she likes and telling her you thought of her.

    Good luck .
     
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  5. skj091

    skj091 New Member

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    Good idea. The thought that maybe she might have accepted that there's absolutely no interest from my side (because of how indirect I'm being) huuuuuurts my heart. Imagine if she discovers I like her and then we can just go on a date and get to know each other. That'd be really nice. Sorry, now I'm just thinking aloud.

    Thanks so much for your help. I wish I wasn't so afraid to do things :(
     
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  6. Coffee Addict

    Coffee Addict Well-Known Member

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    Just think about it like regaining a friend, don't put unnecessary pressure on yourself.

    Good luck, and I hope all goes well. Happy flirting!
     
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    greylin likes this.
  7. skj091

    skj091 New Member

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    Thanks :) an update:

    So.... after ruminating/overanalysing for days I've bitten the bullet and taken action! (partly due to the great advice and support here, so thank you!) A good ol' proverb I came across yesterday has been stuck in my head over the last 24 hours: "leap and the net will appear". I've been anxiously going through all of the possible outcomes of coming out/telling her/telling the mutual friend but last night I took the leap and told our mutual friend 1. I'm gay (through an ellen GIF of course) and 2. that I have had a HUGE crush on our friend for 100 years. I explained how when he told me she had a crush on me I think my body left the earth for a few minutes haha.

    Anyway, I've made progress! This friend is so so happy for me and I feel so relieved that he knows. He's gay too so he's happy to welcome me to the club.

    Taking it step by step, but hoping he subtly tells her...... he knows I've only come out to a couple of people but he also said 'now two of the best humans in the world can get married' :D . Soooooo I'm really secretly hoping he tells her. He's a very close loyal friend to me and has my best interests at heart - do you think he might tell her knowing that it's doing me and her a favour? Plus I think he'd love to be the one who was responsible for anything that might happen in the future!

    Thanks all!
     
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  8. Coffee Addict

    Coffee Addict Well-Known Member

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    Congratulations on telling your friend. I know it is not easy to tell someone even if you know they are accepting. Baby steps towards letting her know.

    It is possible that he passes the message along to X; however, it may be more effective if you ask him to help you relay the message. You know, just to make sure. The reason I mention is because we (women) tend to hint at things rather than saying what we want. He won't be able to help you, unless you let him know you want his help. Of course I don't know your friend, so my comment may unnecessary. I guess I get anxious to see what develops ;)

    I am glad for you and the progress you have made in recognizing who you are. Best wishes.
     
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