Have a Boyfriend. Might be gay.

Discussion in 'Advice (Dear AE...)' started by queird, Oct 15, 2016.

  1. queird

    queird New Member

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    Hi! My name is B and I'm new here. I've been out as queer for about 6-7 years and have dated men and women. But my attraction to men has always been largely personality based, I never REALLY got into it at a real physical level. I found my male partners attractive, but it was always because of how in love I was with their personalities. I was only dating women when I met my current boyfriend, and we fell in love. But it's getting to the point (that I reach in ALL of my male relationships) where I find myself missing women. It's not just about the sex, because I'm not a hyper sexual person anyway. But it's just this feeling that I have that sometimes I think about snuggling a woman, and kissing a woman. But at the SAME TIME, I am very in love with my boyfriend. He is wonderful and I get sad when I think of breaking up with him. But also I really imagine myself marrying a woman. It is very confusing, and I'm just looking for some guidance I guess. Would love to hear any and all advice you wonderful humans can provide :)
     
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  2. Spygirl

    Spygirl Well-Known Member

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    If you don't picture yourself marrying your boyfriend, then he's not the one period. Take sexual orientation out of it. Love spans broad definitions and if you don't see a future with him, then he's not the right one for you. You can love him, sure, but if you're thinking of breaking up with him...isn't it really about the fact that he's not "the one" for you?

    Maybe you're gay...maybe you're bisexual...and maybe, just maybe, you haven't met the right woman or man yet that the love you feel is that...stop and catch your breath - I can see marriage....kind of love.

    At some point the mixture of personality and sexual attraction will be found in one person for you...and you''ll find yourself in a position where you won't have to question whether this is about gender, but about one person bringing exactly what you need to a relationship.
     
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  3. queird

    queird New Member

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    It's
     
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  4. queird

    queird New Member

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    It's not that I don't see a future with him. There's no one else. I just always imagined having a wife. But there's nothing in our relationship that makes me think we don't have a future. It's just all internal where I'm not sure if I'm just gay.
     
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  5. T.S.

    T.S. Member

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    :):):) Some really solid advice in this thread, that's been helpful.

    I'm going through a similar thing, except with the inside person, I'm only attracted to females, bi based on character, something which I think you can understand. Yes, it can be so confusing. For me I've dated some 50/50 women and that seemed to fit best on all fronts. Too butch and I don't feel it, feels awkward, to feminine and hot as she might be, I may be attracted or it feels like a friend or sister, no or little attraction, at some point, without judgement, for lack of better words. Those 50/50 types are pretty rare to find I've found.

    It's like I enjoy watching romantic movies, but also if 'he' drives and is handy, at the same time butch can really turn me off, no offense, and miss the softer sensual side with a woman. Sooo confusing, I understand.

    In a way it's not about sex, but in another way it is, for me with fem women until now, some exceptions, the sex is so much more, maybe because you feel/think the same. I don't know, I'm a rabbit though, and most 'men' can't (and/ or don't want to) keep up and/or don't like what I like, so sexual preference is important, because with some women we share the same, and OMG LOL, what a difference LOL :-D LOL

    If you keep reaching the same point, it might be time for a personal makeover, and find what people better suit you. This for the other person as well. The advice I found is to make a list, with friends, honest and serious, about what you are looking for in a partner. I was amazed by how much closer I came to finding people that fit, on different fronts, and how so much more amazing it feels, and my dating has so much improved in that sense, not judging, but in the sense of finding a partner that suits.

    Some days I'm like never dating 'men' again, other days I miss them, totally understand you. That marriage thing is a good tip to learn. Learning quite a bit on this forum. Thank you. :)
     
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    Last edited: Apr 14, 2017

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