Got myself in a huge mess. How to choose. Pl...

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by inglepri19, Aug 11, 2014.

  1. inglepri19

    inglepri19 Member

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    I am so confused and could really use some advice... I'm sure many of you have heard this one before, so I'll try to be brief. I dated my first girlfriend and love for 7.5 years, but a job transfer last year took me to another country. It was temporary job assignment, and we did long distance and it worked for most of the year. But then I met a girl here and things got out of control. My long term girlfriend I never had any real troubles and were generally very happy together. But I met this girl here, who is ten years younger and has never been in a relationship, and we just clicked. As things fell apart with my long term girlfriend, I got closer to this new girl. Honestly, I think I let things fall apart because I was into this new girl. I know, I am a complete dick. And now, many many months later, the new girl and I are 'dating', while I sometimes talk to my ex, who still loves me and is being very patient with me, waiting for me to come around. The problem is, this new girl has said she loves me, and I love her too, but it doesn't quite feel like the love I felt when I fell in love with my 'ex'. And also, I am on the verge of being transferred back to the USA, which means the new girl and I will be faced with a long distance relationship for at least a few years. I just do no know what to do. I do love my ex, she was my first love. But I do also love this new girl, and although things are different with her, I know we could have a great future too. She is funny and has an amazing attitude and is beautiful and a genuine person. My ex is also funny and is the most sweet and caring person who really makes people feel loved. The new girl isn't as open with her feelings, so that has caused a few issues already... and anyway, I am just rambling now. But the point is, I am an ass who, for whatever reason, has two fantastic girls who love me. I know I don't deserve either of them, and I definitely do not want to hurt either of them. Can someone share any advice or similar stories? Has anyone experienced this and how did it work out? Which to choose? I know my future with the ex would be secure and stable and loving, while the new girl is so young, and even though she is definitely not a serial dater, I'm just not as confident... I don't even know what I am saying anymore... thank you for listening.
     
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  2. AprilMay

    AprilMay Active Member

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    Re: Got myself in a huge mess. How to choose....

    Forgive my rudeness and being so blunt, but yes you do sound like a shellfish dick and if I where your ex I would so not take you back. Ok with that said let me ask you what one do you love the most? the love that you have for both girls are different, so which of the two do you love the most? be honest with not only yourself but be honest to them. They deserve to know the truth.
     
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  3. MizzLadyPants

    MizzLadyPants Well-Known Member

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    Re: Got myself in a huge mess. How to choose....

    Well all things considered, I don't think your cut out to try & make another long-distance relationship work.(Then again not very many people are able to do it.)
    But honestly maybe you should stop worrying about your feelings, and think about the other people in this situation. What do the deserve? And can you give it to them.
     
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  4. Mags

    Mags Active Member

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    Re: Got myself in a huge mess. How to choose....

    I'm not sure where you're at with this as it's been a little while but I'll assume things are relatively the same as when you posted.

    We all get ourselves into messes from time to time, and it sounds like you're owning that your actions have inevitably hurt other people. I wasn't 100% sure from your post but I assume you and your ex broke up before you started dating this new girl? 7.5 years is a long time, and as you say she was your first love. While this is evidence that you two had something that was really special and strong, it may be that you have outgrown this relationship and are wanting to explore other possibilities, even if this new girl hadn't shown up. It sounds like you're trying to think your way into why you and your ex would be good together, but ultimately it comes down to what the heart wants. You can still love her and thinks she's amazing without it being that kind of love again. Still, I don't know you two and I can't be sure. Regardless it sounds like this new girl has shaken things up a lot for you two and that relationship will need some work, whether it's rebuilding as friends or more.

    As for new girl, it's a new exciting relationship that took you by surprise and was your first experience of finding love not with your long-term partner. It sounds like there's been a few difficulties (what relationship doesn't have them,) that could probably be easily worked through if you were staying in the same country - but you're not. You have to ask yourself, "do I really want to do long distance again?" Think of that question independently of anything else, and try to answer it. It clearly posed some difficulties for you in the past, and trying to resolve your friendship with your ex could get very cloudy with a long-distance gf in the way.

    My advice would actually be to be with neither of them. You're moving back to the US and are going to be away from new girl, and you and your ex have gone through a really rocky patch and may need to resolve that between you. It could be that your ex is the one for you and you end up back with her in time, it may be that you decide to keep exploring and find someone completely different, or it may be that you are single for a while and feel completely content with that. Either way, I wish you the best of luck. Hope this was of some help!
     
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