GF wants to have a baby. Gets back with her ex fiance

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by Tato, Feb 11, 2015.

  1. Tato

    Tato Active Member

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    Hi guys. I don't know if anyone could help me with this or do I need help for it or do I only need some outlet?

    We're both working abroad and everything was perfect with us living together (i thought, as she always tells me before that it is the life that she wants and she wishes that it would last forever). Then one night she came home acting so weird, I asked her why, i felt that somethings bothering her,. then she blurted out that she had dinner with her ex fiance who happened to visit the country, and she thinks that shes still inlove with him. Man that was a shock on me as if the world stopped turning and I can hear my heartbeat pumping so loud. I turned and cried hard but quietly as if i'm gonna die. that was the first time she saw me cry so i guess she felt guilty. and said she also loves me and she dont know what to do. she said she still wants us to be together that she cant imagine life without me.

    To make the story short there was a confrontation as I wanted to understand why. These are the reasons she told me: 1. She don't think that her family can accept her being gay (said her family are different "old fashioned") 2. Her family are expecting her to marry her ex fiance (who happens to be family friend). 3. She wants to have a baby of her own.

    So now I don't know if I can still call her mine anymore as she admitted that she was back with her Ex F and they are seeing each other since then. She even blocked me in social media and all sorts of communication except on one mobile number (company phone) which she said the only way we can communicate sometimes as the guy is always checking on all of her accounts and phones. But she promised to call me from time to time.

    I attempted to totally forget about her but the more I try, the more I miss her. I even can't concentrate with my life anymore. I quit my job and now looking for a new one .. I cant find any urge to meet with friends anymore. I cant eat nor sleep normally anymore. I dont know guys, I guess i'm already crazy.

    P.s. This isnt my first time to have a broken heart but this is the hardest and I don't know how to handle it.
     
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  2. Tato

    Tato Active Member

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    Oh I forgot to add..she said she will do something to make things work for us and she asked me to wait if I can so she can speak to her family whenever she's ready. I don't know when as she said she don't know also but for now our situation is really cloudy.
     
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  3. Bluenote

    Bluenote Well-Known Member

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    The situation isn't cloudy. She has dumped you and moved on with him. You are now the ex and he is her bf. She is just giving you a little contact to assauge her guilt from having dumped you like a used kleenex.

    I'm sorry she treated you this way. You sound like a sweet person and you don't deserve this.

    But you are better off without her. Delete that one number, let her go and move on. Let yourself greive, but your ex is not a good person and you are better off without her.

    ps, she cheated on you with him.
     
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  4. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

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    That was so abusive, Tato. You were the legitimate couple and she cheated and now she made you run and hide like you are the other woman. It is cloudy only because this is sudden and she is letting you hang onto some thread of hope. It is only cloudy because of the way you feel. I don't know what it will take for you to snap out of it and one day, heal completely. But you got to try and put that one foot in front of another and count your triumphs one day at a time. Vent here, vent away. *hugs*
     
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    Last edited: Feb 11, 2015
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  5. Spygirl

    Spygirl Well-Known Member

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    You were dumped. As @Bluenote said, she's trying to make herself feel less guilty by stringing you along. You can't make someone love you or want to be with you -- and in reality, she's broken trust. I'm sorry this happened to you.
     
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  6. Tato

    Tato Active Member

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    Thanks guys. I guess you are all correct. I'm just so blinded by my stupid love towards her that I cant see the things you see.

    This is another downside of being abroad as you cant find people whom you can actually talk to specialy with a place like middle east.

    I'm glad I remembered that there is this site (AE) where people like me could ask for advice and or help each other like this.

    I'll try to move on now and I have to really mean it this time.

    Thanks again @Bluenote , @greylin and @Spygirl. You just made my mind lighter this time.
     
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  7. Just Me

    Just Me Well-Known Member

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    Awe dude... Life is too short for indecisive mind games, let the head case go you deserve better...

    Ps ANY WOMAN lesbian or not (unless she legitimately medically doesn't have working parts) can have a baby... Welcome to 2015, that shit's no excuse!

    I'm really sorry to hear you're stuck out of your environment during this. I know it's a lame saying that we've all heard 4663235789754 times before.... But it will get better in time. At least you've got some red flags to be aware of before setting into another relationship... The great thing about fuck ups, you learn a lot from them.
     
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  8. Tato

    Tato Active Member

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    Right! Spot on @Just Me. You know what, i'm not sad anymore. I'm angry. Angry for all her $h*+. I treated her good even if shes blatantly cheating on me. To hell with her. Just leave karma do its thing.
     
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    Last edited: Feb 12, 2015
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  9. LPretreat

    LPretreat Active Member

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    I agree with everyone here. She wants to please her family by having a traditional marriage and avoid the conflict that would come of doing otherwise. Coming from a family with roots in India, I've faced similar issues. A lot of people want children so that's easy to understand, but that is something you two could have had together. A more difficult process, but not impossible. Also, you don't owe her anything. I would be completely devastated if the woman that I love came home one night and said she met with her ex and might still be in love. Jeez, that's horrible. I'm sorry you're going through this, but you definitely have the people here on AE to talk to. My heart goes out to you
     
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  10. Tato

    Tato Active Member

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    Thank you @LPretreat. Yes i've known some acquaintances from India and Africa who struggled with that issue. But hey we're from the Philippines so that family issue is not that hard to handle anymore, unless you are not willing to try and really not into fighting for it. So yes, as most of the commenters have said. She's just making things up to make up for her guilt.

    Thank you again for your compassion.
     
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  11. rac

    rac Well-Known Member

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    It's alright to be angry at her right now but don't let it consume you. So cry if you feel like crying, vent when you need to, allow yourself to be sad not because you lost her but you invested in this relationship and it's ok to mourn parts of you that got lost along the way. Maybe put a timeline to the sadness and anger. It hurts like hell right now but trust me, the pain will go away.

    Take care of yourself.
     
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  12. Tato

    Tato Active Member

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    Thank you @rac thats the plan i'm trying to do now. diversion is my worst struggle but i'm trying hard..
     
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  13. sundancer

    sundancer Well-Known Member

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    What she did was just really bad and she's trying to be "nice" but not really and/or have it all. Just block her phone and if she calls or messages you from a new email/phone/social media account then just delete. Don't even bother reading it or answering the phone. I get the whole cultural aspect (I'm Asian) but what she did was plain wrong.

    Have you considered making a list of things that you'd like to do? E.g. join a sports team, learn a musical instrument, paint, etc? Just keep yourself busy and invest in a hobby and exercise. Excercise helps keep down your cortisol level and stimulates seratonin (ie lower stress, helps you be happy).
     
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  14. Tato

    Tato Active Member

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    Thanks @sundancer I've been planning with the exercise thing but could find the strenght to get out of my room. Damn this is killing me slowly. I wasn't prepared for it. Never got a clue that it would happen in an instant.
     
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  15. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

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    Miss Tato, do you have a favorite activity from when you were a kid, indoors or out? May I suggest going back to your roots of sorts and rebuild and regroup? Do you have pics of when you were a kid?
     
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  16. Tato

    Tato Active Member

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    as far as I can remember. I was a boring child. I'd just read books indoors or if they force me to go out, i'd go help my grandfather who was a carpenter. I like fixing things, putting things together. But here I am abroad with no means to do that anymore.
     
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  17. Bluenote

    Bluenote Well-Known Member

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    If you are that down and struggling to find work, maybe you should go back home? Ditch the abroad thing?
     
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  18. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

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    Bluenote is right, maybe it is time to evaluate where you want to be. Being a problem solver things fixer your world and your future is quite bright. Work for a place like ikea furniture or hardware store while you get started with something like code.org. Try stabbing at different online learning courses and see what shakes loose as what you enjoy doing as an alternate career. Sorry I don't know if you are in a career you like or not.
     
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    Last edited: Feb 16, 2015
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  19. rac

    rac Well-Known Member

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    I think it's safe to say most of us here went through mind-numbing heartache before and we all dealt with it differently. If you need some downtime, then take some. If you need to contemplate about things because nothing else makes sense until you do, then go ahead and do that. But eventually, you need to get out of that room and accept it is over. You need to say enough and get up and live your life. Because you gotta. Because life goes on, with or without her. And frankly speaking, I think you're better off without her.

    Sorry if that sounded a little harsh. I agree with @Bluenote and @greylin, maybe you need a change of environment. Maybe what you need right now is to be surrounded by your family and friends. Will it be difficult if you move back home?
     
    #19
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  20. sundancer

    sundancer Well-Known Member

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    There's nothing wrong with taking some down time. And there's also no set time to get over someone even if they were horrible to you.

    As you were an avid book reader, have you read any books lately? What kind of books do you enjoy?
     
    #20

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