Gf family problems

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by Smt, Dec 26, 2018.

  1. Smt

    Smt New Member

    Dec 26, 2018
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    Last edited: Dec 31, 2018
  2. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

    Jul 4, 2013
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    I don’t see her family improving so you are wise to consider everything before having children. If you are having children you are creating a family of your own. So you need to figure out if your girlfriend is willing to be on the same page with you on this. Does she want a child as much as you do? If she is going to be the birth mom will you have problems like the grand parents having more rights to the child than you do due to the laws at where you live?

    This is all central to your relationship with your girlfriend so if you can discuss more on what her reactions are to having children would be great.
    Nancy likes this.
  3. lorienczhiu

    lorienczhiu Well-Known Member

    Jul 18, 2013
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    So, I read your post wondering: what does your girlfriend think?
    Is she willing to lay down boundaries with her parents?
    Is she willing to put your role as parent above their role as grandparent?
    Is she willing to risk alienation with her parents in order to commit to you and your family?

    If not, what are her expectations about kids? How does she want to balance her loyalty to her family and to you? How will she explain this to your kids? What will she do if you are the gestational parent and her parents treat your children badly? In short, what's her take, and what's her plan?

    I don't want to say that you have to break up with her if she isn't willing to cut off her family. I think a lot of people with homophobic families make less-than-ideal compromises to make it work, and that the most important thing going in is having a plan that you both feel comfortable with about how they are going to navigate the minefield of conditional love that some families are.

    I know that I would not be willing to be side-lined/excluded from important life events, or have my biological kids have different privileges than their siblings because of a grandparents' prejudice.

    But that's just me. True story, I had a friend growing up who accidentally outed her mom to her grandmother. Her mom had claimed she was having kids by herself and that her partner - my friend's other mom - was just a "best friend." There's also a whole side of my family that I didn't invite to my wedding and might someday interact with me as a single mother or married to a make-believe guy.

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