Getting Played like a Fiddle, Aren't I?

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by RNadine21, Dec 16, 2013.

  1. RNadine21

    RNadine21 Member

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    To make this is short as possible, my ex dumped me six months ago. We technically went on a "break," but we know how well those things usually end. Anyways, when we decided to go on a break I clarified that if at any point she went from not sure to definitely not wanting to be with me, to tell me and respect any space or time I would need to get over things. We continued to be best friends, and then (before anyone says something, yes this is a bit crazy ex-ish of me. No need to point it out) I noticed she was texting one girl in particular, all the time. Like, we'd be out as a group and she'd barely be interacting with anyone. She's outright pulled out her phone in the middle of having a conversation with me and just start texting/end the convo. I went back and forth about asking about this girl, and my friend convinced me to ask. Well I did, and my ex blew up at me and made me feel bad for asking....when it turns out I was right. Basically that has been the worst part of this break up, once again being lied to. I've since moved away for a job and took my ex off my News Feed but we're still FB friends.

    This honestly is probably the stupidest thing ever, but today her profile picture changed to her and the girl (now girlfriend), all cuddling with my ex's dogs (that I still love and miss as much as my ex). I literally felt like I had been punched in the stomach. This is the first time that months after the fact I still can't shake the feeling that someone is the One (usually I'm more angry than anything and over the person in particular). For months I've gone back and forth about cutting her out of my life to heal, but of course she continues to call me her best friend, tell me she loves me (just isn't sure she's "in love" with me). Whenever she talks to me about her GF it's in a negative tone, but obviously it's not as bad as she's making it out to be, so someone is getting lied to.

    She's my best friend, but I feel like an idiot. I don't know what to do, because cutting her from my life means cutting everyone I was friends with in our mutual town (long story short, they all blame me for the break up so things are already rocky with them). I'm literally messed up - I no longer want to be married or have children. I don't even want to get into another relationship and risk getting this hurt ever again.
     
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  2. Dalo

    Dalo Well-Known Member

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    I'm not going to go into the deets of things, just know that I've been in your shoes. I'll try to keep this short and direct.

    Solution: Get her as far as possible OUT of your life. Delete her from Facebook. Delete her number. Delete all pictures you have of her. Delete - just keep doing it. Any of your true "friends" should understand your position and why you need this. If they don't, or make it an issue - cut them out too. You'll find new, better friends. Trust me. Listen - life is too short for you to keep yourself surrounded by people that make you feel horrible. You have to be proactive in generating and sustaining your own happiness. You should always be your number one priority. You can't bring any good to others if you're not good to yourself.

    Get out of the house, try a new restaurant/bar, new sport/gym, meet new people, do things you ordinarily wouldn't. Rejuvenate yourself. Right now, you need to be the center of your own universe/mind. Once you do this, you'll start to attract the right kind of women and friends. Right now - do what's best for YOU.
     
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  3. RNadine21

    RNadine21 Member

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    Thanks so much for getting back to me. I did decide on my own to step away for awhile and take care of myself. It helped that I spent three days trying to reach my ex because I wanted to actually talk to her/explain my decision and as usual she kept ignoring me and pushing me aside for later. I finally gave up, spilled my guts in an email (which included my saying don't call/text/attempt to visit me for now) and blocked/deleted her on all social sites and apps.

    It's a shame, but I already feel so much better. I don't see this being a permanent thing but for now it's doing quite well.
     
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