Getting over an Ex

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by RLrose, Nov 25, 2015.

  1. RLrose

    RLrose Member

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    Hey Everyone-

    I'm new here and turning to you all in desperation. I am struggling to get over my ex-girlfriend. We dated for a year and a half. I know it does not seem like a very long time but we loved each other very much and we were hoping to build & create a future together. We are both in our 30's and had serious relationships before but this felt different. Even though we had a lot of obstacles to overcome, our chemistry and love was and is there. Everyone around us felt it.

    After a year into the relationship my girlfriend started to develop anxiety and fear thinking about marriage. We had talked about moving in together and starting a family and she had been happy about it, but all the sudden she decided to get scared. She had extreme anxiety and there was nothing I could do to help her. Her anxiety was also over many things. She has never been one to express her emotions so it was everything coming up to the surface. I tried to calm her down and she started seeing a therapist. She also felt she needed to make some life changes and that we couldn't be together. She thought this was a sign that we shouldn't be together and she needed to work on herself. It broke my heart. I wanted nothing more than to be with her and also help her get better and be there for her.

    I have dated since then but still cannot get over her. I see her occasionally since we have similar best friends. I know she has tried to date too but she says she is focusing on herself and also can't get over me. We still love each other, yet she has said she is too afraid to go back into our relationship so she does not want to give it another shot.

    I am so heartbroken. I don't see how I will ever get over her. She will always be the one that got away. Does anyone else have a "one that got away"?
     
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  2. LiveInTheMoment

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    I'm sorry to hear that you are in this situation.
    1. I say that since you both still love each other, I think you both should just keep hanging out with each other as friends, no intimacy involved, just a pure friendship, and then go with the flow.
    2. If you both really want to move on, and she really has an issue with her anxiety, you both should take a break, no dating other people, just focus on something important in life instead of trying to get over each other.

    Here is an example. My ex girlfriend left me about three months ago. I didn't even try to get over her. I just focused on my job and building my physical body and nurturing my mind. And so I got over her without even knowing it.
     
    #2
    Pi3, RLrose and Frazier like this.
  3. Frazier

    Frazier Well-Known Member

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    It takes time.Yes,she was the one that got away but I believe that in time,you will heal and perhaps,you will fall in-love again and get a whole new perspective on life.............BUT first,let it all out,give yourself time and don't force yourself to get over her.
     
    #3
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  4. Eloise

    Eloise Well-Known Member

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    Time. That's the only thing that will heal emotional wounds. Yes, you'll spend that time thinking about her, being angry, sad and possibly cry. But, over time the emotional ties will lesson. In the meantime, keep busy doing whatever makes you happy. And, spend time with others so you won't feel lonely.
     
    #4
  5. Gentry

    Gentry Active Member

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    I wish I could tell you how to get over someone. I broke up with the love of my life a few months ago and the ache of losing her never dissipated. Perhaps it's because I indulge myself to too much poetry and music. These things stir emotions so I guess you should stay away from them. Or atleast minimize it. I also don't have much friends to hang out with (I burned many bridges for her) and I think that is one of the reasons I can't take my mind off her. Dating doesn't work for me either because it feels like I am lying to myself and being unfair to the new person. But it could be different for you though.

    I feel you. I hope you feel better soon.
     
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  6. RLrose

    RLrose Member

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    If you don't mind me asking...Why did you break up with her if she was the love of your life?
     
    #6
  7. Gentry

    Gentry Active Member

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    We were still very inlove when I decided to break up with her. Her family (mom and sister) are against our relationship even though they are not really sure that we were together. They just had a strong hunch about me being a lesbian. She was still studying and I believe it is the best for both of us to go our separate ways.

    It is painful to let go of someone when you know you are both still inlove with each other. I was hoping that someday maybe we can go back to each other when things get better for her, but eventually I realized that hoping for that won't do me good either. So yeah, for now I just let things be and focus on other important things in my life

    How have you been lately?
     
    #7

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