Im new to the forum and I know I'm probably going to get a lot of backlash for my post but here it goes anyway... I was with my ex girlfriend for 3 years. We met when she was 20 and I was 29. It kind of just happened because I had been questioning my sexuality for a long time. Before her, I had only dated men; however, we just kind of started off strong right away. It then became long distance because I got a job 3 hours away. Everything was great and perfect except the distance. And the fact that I was still in the closet at my job and in my town (it's a small town and we both lived in a big city). It became really bad the longer I was here. We had only been in a relationship together for about 6 months before I moved...we decided to keep dating anyway because we were in love. Then I made life decisions that have brought me to this point. After 3 years in the relationship, I made a horrible decision and slept with a guy I knew. I had been faithful otherwise the entire relationship and in fact, have never cheated before. I felt so awful and the trust seemed to be gone from the relationship, so I broke it off with her because I wanted us to start from a place of trust and openness. I wanted the relationship to last. She then wanted to get back together and I didn't get back together with her because I still lived in this town and still felt like I couldn't' keep my job etc. It sounds all so stupid now, but I wanted it to be perfect for her and for us. I had severe anxiety and depression for living somewhere where I couldn't just live my life. Then we met up again a couple months ago when we weren't together to talk. She then, while i was sleeping, figured out my passcode and went through my phone and found messages from that guy. At this point, I had bought her a ring. So now she basically wants nothing to do with me. I emailed her to meet up again, apologized profusely and asked to see her and she said she still loved me but wanted "time and space" to figure out what she wants. I texted her 30 days later after giving her a break acknowledging that I understood why she was doing what she was doing and that I loved her. She responded with thanks for understanding and good luck to me in the future. After a few more texts she just said it was too hard. If I didn't think she was my soulmate, I wouldn't even bother her again. I just feel like I have to try one last time. My instinct (which I'm sure is wrong) is to propose anyway but I think in this case talk is cheap and action is the only thing that I can do to salvage this. I know I sound like an awful person right now but I know the problems in our relationship only stem from me being a coward and a horrible human being. I do love her and I don't want to lose her. I'd rather be out and lose my job then be without her. Anyway, I thought this would be the best place to ask advice.