Gender identity crisis

Discussion in 'General Advice' started by Brittany565, Jun 9, 2016.

  1. Brittany565

    Brittany565 Member

    Joined:
    Apr 28, 2016
    Messages:
    7
    Likes Received:
    2
    Ok so I am a biological female who is lesbian. When my mom was pregnant the ultrasound said I was a boy but when she delivered me, it tuened out I was a girl! (Old technology) I have 5 brothers so I have always been more boyish etc. I don't dress that tom boy, more femme/sometimes adrogonous. But here's my crisis: I have always felt like I should have a dick. I have major penis envy and I wish I did not. I absolutely love my feminine features (breasts, bum, vagina) BUT I have also always felt as if I should also have a penis?
    So I have always tended to fall for straight girls and they have always ended up attracted to me which is problematic. Except funny thing is, the woman I have been with for a year now only used to date men until she met me. We both fell madly in love and she doesn't like labels but she would call herself bisexual. So because I have gender issues, I get stupid thoughts in my head that she wishes I had a penis. Even though she has told me she loves me for me(a female) loves my vagina and actually wouldnt like if I had a penis because then it wouldn't be me.

    I have always had this issue of feeling like I should have a penis but I think it has got worse. My girlfriend loves to give me oral but for some reason I can't cum from it because I get off to the thought of her sucking me off? Yes I do have a strap on so Ive thought about getting her to suck the strap but she said she doesnt like that because she wants to taste me and loves my vagina. We have amazing sex nonetheless and I love everything about it.

    The main issues for me is that I scare myself in the sense that we'll be watching a movie where it shows a guys penis and I'll immediately get mad and have rage in my head because I'm jealous.

    What do you guys think? You see I've thought about transitioning but I never would actually want to because I love all my other features it's just that I have major penis envy?
     
    #1
  2. TheScandinavian

    TheScandinavian Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 15, 2016
    Messages:
    106
    Likes Received:
    118
    That kind of sounds like Freud's statement about how "girls envy boys for having a penis since they don't"( continuing-girls them either become lesbians and play the man or keep on trying many boys). Some modern studies suggest that this is , in fact, bullshit.

    As for you-I am no qualified to give advice as I am a cis female but perhaps you may be wondering what it'd be like if you were a guy. That's common-I can assure you that many women have wondered, some even behave like men in bed (asking their girl to suck on etc). But you said it yourself-you don't dress like a boy for the most part.
    The girls you claim to have been straight-straight is straight, the ones we end up "turning lesbian, bi or whatever" have actually had it in them so we were the ones t unlock Pandora's box, in a sense.

    I personally think it's curiousity in this case, to sum it up.
     
    #2
    Brittany565 likes this.
  3. Brittany565

    Brittany565 Member

    Joined:
    Apr 28, 2016
    Messages:
    7
    Likes Received:
    2
    I appreciate it! It started at a very early age even my mom says I would never wanna wear a dress and that I wanted her to cut my hair like a male model's. I was always trying to be the "sixth" brother in my family so I think that's where it all started. I think it's just I wanted to fit in with them when I was young. Honestly I have no idea but in my world I am two genders. I think I am slowly getting more comfortable with my own genitals but it just sucks that I get those jealous thoughts when I see a guy that is very masculine etc and I get mad because I started wishing I was him/looked like him etc.
     
    #3
  4. rainydaze

    rainydaze Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Nov 22, 2015
    Messages:
    93
    Likes Received:
    187
    Brittany565 -
    Thank you for sharing here with AE. I think this is a topic that more people struggle with than we know, but that most do not have a safe place to talk about it. I believe that gender identity is pretty complex for some. The more we can grow to understand this the better, safer, and more compassionate the world will be.
    It sounds like it is worth considering some therapy in order to figure out what to do with this anger/range that fills your head, so that it doesn't get acted out as jealousy/worry toward your girlfriend who has given you no reason to believe that she would rather be with a man.
    The fact that you like your own body mostly (breasts, vagina, bum ;)) and have considered transitioning but do not feel it is for you could mean that, in a sense, you are "two genders" as you stated above. There are several terms that people use: non-binary, gender variant, gender fluid,....Or they may chose to not label themselves at all, or even publicly identify as one gender (i.e. lesbian), but understand themselves to be somewhere on a continuum in how they identify. Wearing one's hair short, not wearing dresses, liking one's more masculine side, and even envying the convenience and practicality of a penis for peeing or f*#<ing is not all that worrisome...and certainly makes sense. The concern is the anger/rage and the lack of self-acceptance. That part needs some of your attention because you want to figure it out and make peace with it one way or another.

    There are LOTS of awesome women who don't really identify with what are stereotypically feminine traits and who have always felt like they don't exactly fit in as "females." Some may go on to discover that they are transgender, while others through self-exploration, may find that they are at peace with being different but just as much of a woman as any other female. The key is learning enough about yourself to find out what is going to bring you self-acceptance.

    Regarding the bedroom, the key is communication and exploration, there are certainly ways for you and your girlfriend to work out what is satisfying to you both. Since you have stated that your sex life is "amazing," there is clearly hope that this will be worked out between the two of you. Believe your girlfriend when she tells you that she wants you, loves you, and is attracted to You! If she knows that you are asking something of her in the bedroom because it is a turn on for you and it gets you off, she will be far more likely to embrace the concept than if she feels you are doing something because you feel like she is missing must be missing out on it! Trust her and share with her your desires in a way that is not jealous or angry.

    Side note: my wife is a lesbian, who shops in the men's section for her leisure clothes, and the women's pantsuit section for her work clothes. She never wears dresses, heels, or make-up. She wears short hair, and has a strut that is not considered feminine. She gets called "Sir" every now and then, even though she clearly has soft skin, curvy hips, and is quite pretty. She also gets a second or third glance when she enters a women's public restroom. Sometimes children will approach her and ask her, "are you a boy or a girl?".....I adore her! I never dated a woman before she strutted into my life, and I am so glad I said yes when she asked me out! I love her female body and her masculine traits. I love her kind, gentle spirit, and her loving and tender heart. I also love her fascination with and attraction to all the feminine things that I do - make-up, hair, nails, dresses, heels, etc. I don't want her to be a man. I want her to be exactly who she is. She is beautiful, inside and out.
    My advice is figure yourself out - don't act out - and then accept who you are....and accept that your woman loves You for who you are.

    Best wishes and please come back and share your journey with us. Thank you for being willing to talk about it here.
     
    #4
    Gyldenragg likes this.
  5. Brittany565

    Brittany565 Member

    Joined:
    Apr 28, 2016
    Messages:
    7
    Likes Received:
    2
    Update from 2018: Thanks for everyone back then helping me. I did seek therapy which helped so much. My girlfriend was through this with me the whole time. We are still together. I do not have anger/rage fits anymore. There is still a part of me that wishes I was a man but I am becoming way more comfortable in how I was born and just being myself.

    Thanks again everyone :)
     
    #5

Share This Page