gaydar

Discussion in 'General Advice' started by mysterious girl, May 11, 2016.

?

do you have a gaydar?

  1. i totally do

    42.9%
  2. i have a little

    47.6%
  3. i don't have it at all

    9.5%
Multiple votes are allowed.
  1. mysterious girl

    mysterious girl New Member

    Joined:
    May 11, 2016
    Messages:
    1
    Likes Received:
    0
    How accurate is the gaydar?
     
    #1
    Last edited: Jun 11, 2016
  2. Bluenote

    Bluenote Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 4, 2013
    Messages:
    1,390
    Likes Received:
    1,489
    It isn't so much how someone looks, or what they wear. It is more like an attitude, how they carry themselves. I guess some people don't really notice it, but it is usually pretty obvious to me. Just like how some people have really great night vision and other people not so much.

    I am not sure why you freaked out though? Are you in the closet and afraid that people will out you?
     
    #2
    Lilers likes this.
  3. SummertimeSadness

    SummertimeSadness Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 29, 2013
    Messages:
    89
    Likes Received:
    16
    I agree with bluenote - I can't go around picking random people out of a crowd - however if I am talking to someone you may pick up on things like body language, eye contact, who then tend to look at etc. For example - many girls are more touchy then guys so that is not always the best way but maybe there is some flirting involved with eye contact that last's a little longer.
     
    #3
  4. SummertimeSadness

    SummertimeSadness Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 29, 2013
    Messages:
    89
    Likes Received:
    16
    Yeah - I agree that can be pretty difficult as girls tend to be more open and flirty and general :) it's usually a combination of things and really there is no way of truly knowing unless they tell you! Im guessing people who claim to have it are just better in general on picking up social cues and have some magical power that we don't :p
     
    #4
    Susanah and mysterious girl like this.
  5. lorienczhiu

    lorienczhiu Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 18, 2013
    Messages:
    638
    Likes Received:
    596
    Science is mixed on this topic! Here's what I've heard, from hilariously real research studies:

    "Gaydar" tends to be better the more gay people you know. People with high exposure (lots of gay friends) who are asked to make a call (in the study I read, in under 10 seconds from a photo of the upper half of the face with style cues removed) are much more accurate than people with low exposure... and that first call is more accurate than later, reasoned impressions.
    So, according to those researchers,
    1) Your gaydar will be decent if you know lots of homos, and
    2) Your first impression is more accurate than you logicking it out.
    The theory here is that the possible hormonal changes (in-utereo, genetic, cause undetermined) that lead to same-sex attraction also have very very slight impacts on the shape of our face/musculature, and that with practice, we learn to recognize what those changes are, being intensely pattern-seeking animals.

    Another study says that because mostly we are not evaluating people from just their eyes and forehead with no style cues, we rely on stereotyping much more strongly, and minor style changes can fool our face-recognition gaydar.

    What "The L Word" is talking about... is actually less gaydar than in-group signalling. Here are the ways that I know someone is a homo: short fingernails, style choices (haircut, shoes, certain piercings), and whether or not they check out my wife or secret smile at us together (because homos are always on the lookout for other homos!).
     
    #5
  6. Gyldenragg

    Gyldenragg Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 6, 2013
    Messages:
    111
    Likes Received:
    56
    For some reason I loved the term 'in-group signalling' lorienczhiu used :) I'll keep that one in mind for sure!

    That being said, I can only agree with the above posters. It's more about a certain attitude/way of being or carrying yourself than what you wear, the length of your fingernails or haircut etc.
    It definitely gets easier over time, and the more encounters you have with other gay people the more you pick it up.

    Although, I have to point out that having a 'good' gaydar (i.e. 'detecting' other gay people) doesn't automatically equate being good at picking up when said gay girl is flirting. ...It literally just struck me because even though my gaydar plings healthily and I manage to pick up really subtle signs, I can be completely oblivious to girls flirting or struggle with the whole friendly vs flirty at times. That too probably gets better with time. I hope ;p
     
    #6
    Irishgal2016, Susanah and Plane Jane like this.
  7. Plane Jane

    Plane Jane Active Member

    Joined:
    Feb 27, 2016
    Messages:
    28
    Likes Received:
    18
    Same here. My gaydar is amazing but you could flirt with me till the Mars rover comes home and I'd never pick up on it, while if you're merely friendly to me I might think we're dating. So frustrating.
     
    #7
    Gyldenragg likes this.
  8. TheScandinavian

    TheScandinavian Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 15, 2016
    Messages:
    106
    Likes Received:
    118
    If it exists, mine usually works for spotting out gay & bisexual guys, which is of no use.
     
    #8
    Liia likes this.
  9. spiritz

    spiritz Member

    Joined:
    May 27, 2016
    Messages:
    20
    Likes Received:
    3
    Can't helped but laff at what TheScandinavian just said. ya, not much use isn't it. I find it is easier to spot out gay guys as well but not women... kinda "frustrating" too..
     
    #9
    Liia and TheScandinavian like this.
  10. spiritz

    spiritz Member

    Joined:
    May 27, 2016
    Messages:
    20
    Likes Received:
    3
    ok, so I guess it is an art and not science... since there are no tips on how you do it..
     
    #10
  11. Kaorin

    Kaorin Member

    Joined:
    May 16, 2013
    Messages:
    24
    Likes Received:
    33
    I don't think it's something you can really teach, but instead it's something that comes with experience. Once you've made that circle of lesbian friends, spent enough time in gay bars and around gay women in general, you subconsciously start to pick up on certain mannerisms, behaviours, senses of style etc.

    Obviously it doesn't guarantee 100% accuracy - nowhere near. The only way you can get that is by asking.
     
    #11
    Plane Jane likes this.
  12. Susanah

    Susanah Member

    Joined:
    Jun 7, 2016
    Messages:
    16
    Likes Received:
    4
    Same here. They might be cool dudes, but I'm not interested in a relationship with a man...Also a Pride parade is apparently the perfect place to meet straight girls. Why do I have a tendency to do that?
     
    #12
    TheScandinavian likes this.
  13. spiritz

    spiritz Member

    Joined:
    May 27, 2016
    Messages:
    20
    Likes Received:
    3
    You could only meet straight gals at a Pride Parade :eek: ?? that's tough....
     
    #13
    Gyldenragg likes this.
  14. Gyldenragg

    Gyldenragg Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 6, 2013
    Messages:
    111
    Likes Received:
    56
    Hahaha... maybe your own vibe-giving is malfunctioning ;) Jokes aside, I feel you though!
     
    #14
    Susanah likes this.
  15. TheScandinavian

    TheScandinavian Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 15, 2016
    Messages:
    106
    Likes Received:
    118
    To be honest, we gotta give (some) straight girls credit for supporting us-we do need more support from the hetero community. However, it's kind of sad to bump into someone you cannot have under no conditions at a Pride Parade. But hang in there-it could always be better :)
     
    #15
    Susanah likes this.
  16. Susanah

    Susanah Member

    Joined:
    Jun 7, 2016
    Messages:
    16
    Likes Received:
    4
    True, we do need the support. One would mostly think the ones who join the parade halfway through would be the straight ones, not the ones who met up about an hour and a half before to prepare...but yeah, allies are cool people :)
     
    #16
  17. Shweet22

    Shweet22 New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 26, 2015
    Messages:
    4
    Likes Received:
    3
    Do any of you find that if you're talking/generally interacting with someone who who think is hot you sort of will them to be gay in your mind. I'm constantly walking away from situations thinking "I'm surrounded by closeted women" shame to say that reality slightly differs!
     
    #17
    Susanah and SummertimeSadness like this.
  18. Plane Jane

    Plane Jane Active Member

    Joined:
    Feb 27, 2016
    Messages:
    28
    Likes Received:
    18
    Lol--yes, I do this.
     
    #18
  19. spiritz

    spiritz Member

    Joined:
    May 27, 2016
    Messages:
    20
    Likes Received:
    3
    same.....
     
    #19
  20. Susanah

    Susanah Member

    Joined:
    Jun 7, 2016
    Messages:
    16
    Likes Received:
    4
    Me too!!
     
    #20

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice