Full Circle: Part 2

Discussion in 'Fiction' started by Lexington, Jul 15, 2013.

  1. shyychick

    shyychick Member

    Feb 5, 2014
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    I can't believe how long I've been following this story! Lex, I've been lurking since the very beginning of your "Does She Like Me?" thread on "E" lol (which I would love to read again. The sneaky comments that I remember from your friends make much more sense now...so sad it's gone!)

    But now that we're almost where we left off on that thread I feel like it's coming to an end, and although it's been years it's still too soon!!! You should make this into a movie so we can all watch it over and over!

    ...no seriously. :D
  2. Lil

    Lil Member

    Jul 7, 2013
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    Ok…seriously BIG FAN!

    I for one, would say that she Lex either ends up with the first girl she hooked up in high school, the one that asked for forgiveness for bad mouthing her at school (can’t remember her name for the life of me) or CHE, otherwise Lex’s story got the wrong name, because there is no full circle here.
  3. Lexington

    Lexington Well-Known Member

    Jul 4, 2013
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    "Shit, shit, shit" I chastised myself.
    My heart sank, I didn't want her knowing I had a date, I wasn't quite ready to tell her. I ran full pelt back to the living room and snatched my phone out of her hands and tried to compose myself as I answered, "Hello?"’

    "Hey, it’s Erin........... am I interrupting, you sound breathless"
    "Errrr I shouldn't tell you this in the interest of appearing cool and laid back but I just ran from the kitchen to answer my phone".

    Che stood opposite me mouthing the words, "who is it?" She continued to survey me with avid fascination.

    I waved my hand in dissmissal to get her to be quiet and she rolled her eyes and sat down to open the wine whilst clearly listening to my side of the conversation.

    Erin laughed at my honesty, "So, i’ll pick you up at 7 tomorrow?"

    "Yeah, that would be good. Where are you taking me? so I know what to wear?"

    "It’s a surprise, but nothing casual it’s a great place I think you"ll love it".

    I gave her my address and she said she would see me at 7 the following night and that she was looking forward to it. I told her I was looking forward to it too. I hung up and stood there grinning to myself completely forgetting Che was there until she interrupted my thoughts.

    "Who the hell was that, and why do you look all happy?"
    "Do you have a date?"

    I put my phone down and looked at her somewhat sheepishly, "Yeah........I mean.........it’s nothing serious or anything’

    I took in her hurt expression just as she masked it, "That’s nice". she managed to say weakly.
    Che poured us both a glass of wine and we settled back onto the sofa to watch her film. I lifted the dvd case up and sniggered whilst turning to look at her, "Another shit pick?!?"

    She rolled her eyes, "don’t change the subject! I wanna know about the girl you’re going on a date with?"

    "I'm not doing this with you".


    "Because I'm not really comfortable talking about it with you given our history"..

    She paused and considered my words for a moment, "Do you like her? like a potential actual relationship, like her".

    I shrugged, "I don’t know, but I figure I owe it to myself to at least try and get past any notion that there could be an us again".

    Che silently nodded her mind clearly beginning to drift off somewhere else. My phone beeped interrupting my thoughts, it was a text message from Erin.
    "Panicking about what to wear yet? X".

    I smiled as I read the message. Che leaned over and attempted to look over my shoulder to read it, I pulled my phone out of her sight and texted Erin back,
    "I’ve emptied my wardrobe and found nothing, may go and buy something new and pretend it’s old, I don’t want to seem too keen ;-), Lex xXx"

    "Don’t think anyone could describe you as too keen, just how long would you have waited to ask me out on a proper date? You’ve been watching me at the gym for months now and you don’t exactly seem like the shy type. ps, I'm sure whatever you wear you’ll look amazing :) xEx"

    "I'm usually not, but then I'm not usually bothered if I mess it up. You wouldn’t be flirting with me now would you? ;-) Lex xXx"

    "Do I make you nervous? And yes I was sort of trying to flirt, did it work? xEx"

    "Yes, and yes :)"

    ":) see you tomorrow. x".

    I put my phone down and Che sniped, "Can that not wait?"

    I rolled my eyes and she looked up at me as she put her hand on my thigh, "Can I stay?"

    "I don’t think that’s a good idea".

    "You’re not married to her!"

    "t’s not about her, I just don’t think I can keep doing that with you".

    She looked hurt but said ok and got her stuff together and left in a sulk. I laid in bed that night thinking about Che’s reaction and how I could possibly have feelings for two people whilst Starting to date a third. The noise this created in my head was almost unbearable. I tossed and turned my mind working overtime for what felt like hours. I finally drifted off to sleep after quite some time.

    The next morning I went into work for a few hours before my date with Erin so I wasn’t sat around the house nervously. As I walked through the door Louise looked up from the booking sheet, "Lex, what are you doing in, didn’t think you were working today?"

    "I'm not, I have a date tonight’, I'm just going to do the stock count’. She wasn’t listening to what I had said and looked confused.

    "We’re fully booked, I'm not sure we have enough staff on?"

    "Let’s me see" I pulled the booking sheet towards me and counted up the bookings. As I did my eyes fell to a name in the middle of the sheet, I turned to Louise, "Who took this booking?"

    "errrr I did, I think, why?"

    "Aarrghh, THAT, is my date!"

    Louise started to giggle, "You haven’t told her you own this place?"

    "No, we haven’t had the what do you do conversation yet. And with that amount of bookings we will need more kitchen staff, see if James wants to do a double".

    She laughed, "What are you going to do? and why are you going on a date? You don’t do dates?"

    I scowled at her, "Who says I don’t? and I have no idea what I'm going to do"

    "Well, you’re all about the instant gratification, you know? You should just call her and explain the situation. And if she still wants to come here then great because I want to see the girl that has taken my sister and replaced her with a pod person".

    I stalked off to the office ignoring her comment and pulled out my phone. I nervously pressed call and waited patiently for her to answer. She answered after four agonising rings. I explained the situation and she laughed and said that she still wanted to come to the restaurant for dinner if it was ok with me I agreed and told her I wanted to tell her so she wouldn't feel uncomfortable.

    Erin picked me up at 7 like she planned. She looked really beautiful. She had her hair down and she just looked unbelievable. In the car on the way to my restaurant whilst stopped at lights she turned to me, "why do I feel so nervous like I'm about to meet your family?"

    I started laughing, "well that's because you are, they're all like my family".

    She smiled and muttered something about what had she got herself into. We walked in to the restaurant and my sister was stood at the host desk with a big cheshire cat grin on her face she then said, "Hey Lex"

    Louise looked around me to Erin and grinned, "who's your friend?"

    I introduced them both and Louise then said whilst shaking Erin's hand, "You have no idea how glad we all our she has a date.....we were all starting to worry that she might be straight".

    Erin started to laugh as I told Louise we were going to have a few drinks at the bar before sitting down. We walked around to the bar found a table and Erin sat down while I went up to the bar. The staff were busy so I got our drinks myself. Then one of my waitresses jules came up to me and said perhaps a little too loudly "I thought you had a hot date tonight?"

    I saw Erin look up and laugh. A few of our regulars came up to the bar and started trying to talk to me. Louise came over and rescued me and I slipped back over to Erin. I took our drinks over and sat down and apologised for taking a few extra minutes. Erin told me with a really cute smile not to worry and that I was obviously in demand. We talked really easily for quite a while. Then one of the girls came over and said, "hi Lex, your table is ready if you both want to come over?"

    I thanked her and told her we would follow her over. Erin started smiling "rather strong case of hero worship?" and motioned with her eyes to the girl that had come over.


    "oh please, she's totally hot for you."

    I smiled and asked her if she was jealous, she grinned, "immensely."

    We took our table and our waitress Lyndsey came over. She's really bubbly and bouncy and she had a really big smile on her face. I asked her what she was so excited about and she said, "nothing, nothing.....it's just this".

    She Pointed from me to Erin and back. I gave her a questioning look, "I'm just so happy you’re on a proper date".

    She then turned to Erin, "and you’re really lovely and...."

    I interrupted her before it got any more embarrassing and asked her if she could bring us a particular bottle of wine. She left and Erin smiled and asked me if I'd not been on many dates? I smiled, "I’ve been going through my lesbian adolescents."

    She laughed and looked up at me somewhat unsure, "ok, so translation.... a lot of one night stands?"

    I smiled, "I wouldn't by any means call it a lot."

    She smiled rather skeptically, "we can save that conversation for another time."

    Then she asked me about the restaurant. She asked how someone my age ends up co owning a successful restaurant. I explained what happened with my parents and how my sister and I had accidentally turned the place around by a complete fluke rather than business acumen. She seemed really impressed nonetheless and she didn't give me the pity look I get when people ask about my parents she was really great. She looked at her menu and said, the fillet is really good here, then looked up at me and laughed and pulled a face , "of course you know that, sorry I'm having a hard time believing that this is all yours."

    I corrected her, "half mine."

    She laughed too then ordered. She held my hand over the table which was really sweet. She also flirted with me mercilessly all reciprocated, obviously. We ate our meals and talked none stop. After we finished our food she had hold of my hand and was stroking my forearm and with a smile commented, "do you ever get the feeling you’re being watched?"

    we both turned to look over to the bar area and there was my staff team led by my sister stood in a group watching us. As soon as they saw us watching them they all panicked and tried to look busy. Erin started laughing, "aaww its cute, they obviously all really care about you".

    I rolled my eyes, "yeah but it's so embarrassing I can't even pretend to be cool with that lot can I?"

    The end of the night we walked back to her car holding hands. She turned me round and was about to move in closer for a kiss but someone I knew shouted me then came over to talk for a minute. I wondered if it was the universes way of telling me it wasn’t right. After he left I apologised, "nobody said it was going to be easy having our first date here."

    She smiled, "All good things come to those who wait"
    She dropped me off at home hugged me goodbye and kissed me on the cheek then looked up at me coyly, "I had fun tonight, when are you taking me out again.’

    "Do you want to go see a film or something tomorrow?"

    "Yeah, i’d love to but on one condition?"

    I nodded, "Anything"

    "You have to buy me ice cream."

    I smiled, "That all? I think I can stretch to that".

    I went inside and cursed the guy that interrupted our kiss but smiled to myself at how well it went.
  4. julie

    julie Well-Known Member

    Jul 5, 2013
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    i hope remembering this story doesn't mean the whole thread is coming to an end soon :shock: can't wait for more updates :)
  5. Lexington

    Lexington Well-Known Member

    Jul 4, 2013
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    I picked her up for our cinema date and the familiar nervousness return. She flirted outrageously with me and it was fun and relaxed. After the film we were laughing and joking then I said, "I don't want to drop you home yet. do you want to grab dinner?"

    "Yeah, i’d love to have dinner with you but only if you let me pay this time?"

    I nodded, "where are you taking me?"

    she smiled, "you will see".

    She took me to this romantic family run Italian place. she spoke fluent Italian ordered and had a full on conversation with the old guy who owned the place in Italian....it was pretty sexy. Turns out her family is from Sicily. She told me that her mum’s cooking is out of this world and she taught her everything she knows. She promised to cook for me at some point.

    We had drank a little too much wine at dinner so we got a taxi home. I planned to drop her off first then get the taxi man to drop me home after.

    We pull up at her place. She moved to get out then turned to me shyly, "just come in for a bit you can call another taxi from inside later".

    I met her nervous smile and moved to get out of the cab. We walked up her path to her front door a nervous silence filling the air around us. She made me hot chocolate with mini marshmallows in and smiled at me, "You are really cute."

    I moved closer to her, "you've got a bit of marshmallow on your lip, I'll get it".

    Our eyes locked and I lifted my hand to her lip and used my thumb to wipe the marshmallow away then my thumb dropped slightly and lightly brushed her mouth. She reached up touched my hand and kissed my thumb. Her eyes dropped momentarily to my lips and she closed the rest of the distance between us pulling me gently into her kiss. Eventually we pulled away and my head was literally spinning with conflicting thoughts and feelings about both Erin, Ellen and Che. I decided that if I was to take things any further with Erin I was going to have to talk to her about my feelings for Che and Ellen and put the ball in her court. Erin and I both sat there for a moment, "I better go."

    She nodded, "I had a good night.......when can I see you again?"


    she nodded, "Yeah, call me?"

    I nodded my agreement and She called me a taxi and then walked me to the door when we got ringback. Just before I opened the door she kissed me again leaving my head spinning again, "you are going to have to stop kissing me like that if you actually want me to leave".

    She smiled, "i’ll see you Saturday."

    She picked me up on saturday and we drove gym together. I decided this was the right time to broach the Che topic with her. I looked at her tentatively, "I need to talk to you about something".

    "Sounds serious?"

    "Yeah, I felt like I needed to tell you that I’ve got feelings for somebody else, well two people to be precise but I really like you I just thought I should give you an out. Honesty is important to me".

    She nodded and smiled, "Well, I appreciate you telling me. I really like you too and I think we might have something, so if you want to i’d still like to give it a go?"

    I smiled, "Yeah, I think i’d like that".

    She took my hand while she drove and held it on her lap. Once at the gym she took hold of my hand and looked at me, "Thanks for being honest with me Lex, I really appreciate It".

    We worked out together and after we both finished our cardio we went for a swim. we sat in the jacuzzi for a bit during which time she had her hand strategically placed on my thigh, all the while we sat being subjected to this juice head guy trying to hit on us both. I found it quite amusing that he was clearly trying his best to get in to us both completely unaware of where her hand was. And she clearly found it highly amusing that she was making me squirm. This guy wouldn't take no for an answer from either of us. Which doesn't bother me in the slightest I'm pretty easy going when it comes to things like that. But Erin had a different view. He made some lewd comment about where my tattoo led and Erin flipped, "listen, mate! We said, very politely I might add, that we weren't interested in becoming the latest notch on your bedpost. Now I'm going to spell it out for you in words you will understand you neanderthal juice head. WE DO NOT LIKE C*CK!!! And no before you ask, that does not mean we are Katy Perry boner dykes, so we will not engage in lesbian activities for your pleasure! Now kindly bugger off and stop intruding while I'm enjoying time alone with my girlfriend!"

    He called her a man hater to which she replied, "I'm not a man hater I'm a complete k*ob head hater, men I'm completely fine with but you my friend are no man!"

    He then sloped off to tackle his next victim. I turned to her with a smile on my face, "what?!" She said with a smirk like butter wouldn't melt.

    "I just think it’s disrespectful when they don’t take no thank you for an answer"

    I laughed, "that wasn't what I was smiling at, you called me your girlfriend"

    She then blushed slightly, "I suppose I did".

    Before I could say anything else she flashed me the cutest smile and climbed the steps out the jacuzzi and went into the steam room. I felt slightly uncomfortable at how fast things were moving with Erin. My stomach churned with uneasiness, one minute we were dating and the next she was calling me her girlfriend and all before we had 'that' conversation. I struggled to push my sense of unease aside but it continued to niggle at me.

    After we showered and got dressed She asked me if I was ever going to get her that thank you coffee. I bought her a coffee on our way out and we sat and talked for a while. Then she had to get going as she was in work. She said she would see me on Sunday.

    Sunday arrived and she phoned me and said she had to cancel due to a situation at her house. She was really vague and said she would explain on Monday if we could reschedule dinner. She hung up. it didn't sit right with me at all. But I talked it through with Louise and she convinced me that I was overreacting.
    I arrived at her place on Monday night and everything seemed fine. Erin stood at the stove stirring various things in various pots. I stood behind her and put my arms around her waist and put my head on her shoulder, "what happened yesterday?"

    She tilted her head and kissed me, " Can we talk about it later I just wanted to enjoy our dinner together?"

    I agreed then I turned her round pushed her up against the worktop and started kissing her the contents if the pots she was stirring left unattended.
    Next thing I knew I heard a key turning in the lock of the front door. I'd barely had chance to register what id heard when a captivatingly beautiful woman strutted in. I pulled away from Erin completely confused. the mystery girl took one look at Erin and I and smirked. She headed to the fridge and took out a bottle of beer. She popped the lid and leaned back against the opposite worktop swigging out the bottle a lazy smirk on her face. Erin exhaled deeply and whispered into my ear so only I could hear, "I'm so sorry Lex."
  6. Lexington

    Lexington Well-Known Member

    Jul 4, 2013
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    I stood there completely confused as i looked from Erin to this girl, "what are you doing here? I thought you were away until Wednesday?"

    The girl scowled at me then looked at Erin, "change of plan." Her voice singing with amusement.
    She then looked back at me, "I take it she hasn't told you about me?"

    One hundred scenarios started flying through my mind the most prominent of which being that this was Erin’s girlfriend and I have been sucked in to unwittingly being the other woman. I looked at Erin, "no, she hasn't."

    They both started to argue whilst I was stood there completely confused and shell shocked. I shouted, "Can someone please tell me what the hell is going on?"

    This girl turned her head towards me, pushed herself off the worktop and with a massive smirk on her face. She held out her hand to me, "I'm Jess I'm Erin's girlfriend....... sorry ex girlfriend and this house you are seducing her in is half mine!"

    I looked confused then Erin added that they both live separate lives in the house while waiting for it to be sold. Jess added that their separate lives sometimes overlap. She gestured her hand towards me in a sweeping motion.
    They started to argue again so I turned to Erin, "I'm going to go, this is just too much". I left with Erin walking after me asking me to stay. I told her i’d call her in a day or so. As I walked down the path my head was swimming with everything that had just taken place. I turned my phone off to avoid Erin’s calls and give myself time to think. I decided to head over to Ellen's to talk.

    I walked up to Ellen's door head fuzzy with what had just happened. She opened the door with a smirk when she realised it was me. Her smirk rapidly morphed into concern as she took in my furrowed brow. I was so relieved to see her. She invited me in the look of worry still evident in her eyes, "What’s happened? Aren't you meant to be on your date?"


    She turned her head to the side and gave me a questioning look, "Doesn’t look like nothing".

    "I was at Erin’s, she was cooking us a meal then in walked her ex"

    "Her ex? What do you mean? why was her ex there?"

    "They share a house, it’s half hers"

    "She didn’t tell you, I take it?" She grinned.

    I shrugged, "No, she didn’t"

    "Well what did she say? I'm sure there’s a reasonable explanation"

    "I don’t know, I left while they were arguing and I’ve turned my phone off"

    "Lex!! turn it back on, that’s not fair give her a chance to explain".

    I didn’t want her saying that to me, I wasn’t sure I was entirely comfortable with her pushing me towards Erin. My chest ached at the thought of her forcing me into another woman's arms. She grabbed my phone and turned it back on and we were greeted with a barrage of text messages and missed call alerts. She gave me a disapproving look, "See, talk to the poor girl!"

    I took the phone and dialled Erin’s number reluctantly. She was really angry with me for leaving without talking things through and told me if it was going to work between us I had to communicate with her. I asked her to come round to my place that night to talk properly. Ellen sat down on her sofa and I laid down across her with my head resting on her thighs. She sat and messed with my hair and stroked my arm with her free hand.
    I allowed myself to relax. just being in her presence stirred things in me and the intensity scared me. I reluctantly sat up and as I did our eyes locked, she quickly and deliberately broke the intensity, "Come on Lex you better go get ready for Erin, go home and for god sake listen to your girlfriend". She smiled but it didn't quite reach her eyes.

    I could literally feel the hurt in her voice that she tried so desperately to hide and I hated myself for causing that. For putting her in that position when she had a girlfriend and apparently so did I.
    I made myself get up and headed for the door. Ellen pulled me in to a tight embrace and placed a gentle kiss on my cheek, "you will be fine Lex, go talk it through".

    My cheek burned were her lips had been and as I drove the short distance home my head swam with thoughts of Ellen and I realised Erin should have been ever present in my thoughts, but that wasn’t quite the case.

    Erin arrived at my house ringing the doorbell fiercely. I made my way reluctantly to the door and gingery answered it. As I did I was confronted by a seriously angry and dissapounted expression. I tentatively said hi and she raised her eyebrows pursed her lips ever so slightly, "I'm not happy with how you just disappeared on me without so much as a word"

    She came through to the kitchen and put the pizza she carried on the table then turned to look at me, "Where are your plates?" There was still an assertive tone to her voice.

    When she finally sat down I looked at her tentatively, "I'm sorry for just disappearing on you but I'm not used to this relationship thing and it will take time for me to stop being so selfish and consider the needs of someone else first".

    I paused and tried to gauge her reaction then continued, "and your ex intimidates me, That was a horrible situation to be in........... and I didn't even get dinner!"

    She laughed in spite of herself, "I'm sorry about putting you in that position but I genuinely thought Jess was away with work until Wednesday which is what she told me. I planned on telling you about the living arrangements after dinner I just didn't want to spoil our night with talk of her."

    I looked at her slightly unsure, "why did you split up?"

    "Jess cheated on me, we tried to work through it but ultimately I realised I had lost that trust for her. I came to the realisation that I didn't like nor love her anymore. Her cheating was really only a symptom of a much larger problem."

    "how long ago did you split?"

    "9 months ago, we have argued about the house for a long time, Jess will not budge on the asking price"

    "Do you think the she still has feelings for you? and by refusing to compromise on price is her way of keeping the situation the way it is in the hope that something may happen between you?"

    "it’s possible, she's always making it difficult for me, there is no danger I would ever go there again."

    "was it a clean break or have you been on and off at all?"

    "it was 9 months ago and we haven’t been involved since, in any way."

    I told her that if we are going to continue to see each other then I can't be put in that position again and that we would need to either stay away from her place or be absolutely certain that the ex won't show up. She agreed and said my place from now on or out somewhere else and that she really likes me. We made plans to see each other the next day. I decided that I would cook for her.

    She arrived at my house and she had gone to so much effort she looked amazing and I was struck with pangs of guilt for not giving her the undivided attention she so clearly deserved. She sat and talked with me in the kitchen whilst I cooked.

    "I was talking with emma thomas the other day when I was out with my friends, we had an interesting conversation".

    I closed the oven and looked up at her wondering where this conversation was going. "you did huh?"
    "She mentioned that you sleep around a lot and that I should be careful of you because you are in the business of breaking hearts."
    I stopped what I was doing and looked her in the eyes,"Hhmm, do you think that you need to be careful?"
    "I believe that You've had a lot of one night stands but I don't feel like I need to be necessarily careful."
    I instantly felt like I had to explain myself and my actions. "I didn't want to admit who I was back then. My parents passed away and I went a bit off the rails because of everything that had happened. The way I dealt with it all was to sleep with a lot of straight girls, because it helped at the time."
    "Why straight girls?"
    "it was easier with straight girls, there was no chance that any of them were going to want a relationship from me. At that time I didn't have anything to give anyone else emotionally because I was struggling myself. I haven't done that for nearing on 7 months now and I feel like im in a much better place."

    She nodded, "I didn't think Emma's account of you was in the least bit accurate, a woman scorned and all. I just had to ask you about it".

    I started to tease her and ask her about her past relationships and she told me about that. We fell asleep on the sofa after dinner. We had been watching a DVD and it was late so she stayed over in my spare room. I made her breakfast in the morning then she left just before lunchtime.

    a few days later Erin was due to meet my friends, she was unbelievably nervous . There's eight of us in my group of friends including myself. Erin and I got to the pub and all my mates were already there. I was overcome with nervousness at the thought of the girl I was completely in love with meeting the girl I was trying to move on with. I waved to them all and went to the bar got a round in then joined them at the table. I introduced everyone to Erin and then I came to Che, "Erin this is Che, she's my best mate, Che this is Erin."

    whilst I was doing this Che barely lifted her head from her phone and when she did she plastered a fake smile on her face that didn’t reach her eyes. Erin was trying to make conversation with Che and she was just giving one word answers and avoiding eye contact. A bit later on Erin got up and went to go to the bar to get a round in and Che jumped up, "I'm going, I’ll see you all later".

    She stood up quickly and she headed for the door without so much as a word to me. I turned to everyone else, "I’ll go"
    Jo stood up and looked at me pointedly, "Lex, i’ll go I don’t think it’s a good idea you going’ stay with Erin" .

    Erin was still at the bar when jo came back, "I think you better go speak to her Lex, she’s pretty upset".

    I went outside and she was leaning on the wall to the beer garden kicking at the dirt with her shoe. I sat down next to her, "You ok?

    She glanced up at me then returned her gaze to her shoes and choked out, "I'm fine"

    I took her hand, "Don’t lie to me".

    Tears were streaming down her cheeks, "I don't like her!"

    I know it’s hard for you, it isn’t exactly easy for me either but I need to at least try and move on. You don't know her, you haven't even tried to get to know her."

    "I don't care, I don't want to get to know her she could be anyone and I still wouldn't give a shit, I can’t sit and watch you seduce somebody else in front of me, that isn’t fair and you shouldn’t expect me too, you know how I feel about you!"

    I pulled her into a hug, "I'm sorry, I was being selfish".

    She burrowed her head into my neck as she clung to me. I spotted Erin lingering in the doorway of the pub watching my exchange with Che. I smiled at her then pulled back from Che slightly, "I shouldn’t have asked you to do this, I'm sorry".

    I wiped her tears away and she seemed to push her emotions away gave me a halfhearted smile, "Go back to her, she’s waiting".

    I turned around and Erin was still stood there. I turned back to Che and I felt torn, "Go! I'm fine".

    I pulled her towards me and kissed her forehead, "I’ll call you yeah....film night next week?"

    She nodded and walked to her car she didn’t look back but I knew instinctively that she was crying and a lump developed in my own throat.

    I headed back up the steps to the pub towards Erin, "She ok?"

    "Yeah, she’ll be fine"

    I found it difficult to shake the image of Che walking away crying, knowing I was the cause of her upset my chest felt tight at the thought.

    Erin got on really well with all the rest of my friends she had them all nearly crying laughing with some of the anecdotes she told them. Erin was in her element embarrassing me by asking my mates for funny and embarrassing stories about me.

    I dropped Erin off at hers and kissed her goodbye, then I headed home myself. I couldn’t seem to shake the unsettled feeling that had set up camp in my stomach. I lay awake in bed for hours the image of how upset Che had been on a constant loop in my mind. I contemplated calling her and picked my phone up clicked on her name, but before I pressed call I changed my mind choosing instead to discard my phone to the other side of the bed. I decided it wasn’t fair of me to keep that intense and constant contact, it wasn't helping her nor me for that matter. I made the decision to distance myself from her and instead concentrate on my emerging relationship with Erin, I owed it to her to give us a real go. My relationship with Erin became more physical and although it didn’t move me in the way it did with Che, I felt as though that would come in time. Our relationship was developing nicely and I was as happy and content.

    I stopped spending as much time with Che as I used to and things got easier. I found myself able to give Erin my undivided attention and I felt as though my feelings for Che were diminishing. I hadn’t seen Che for a couple of weeks and I felt as though that allowed Erin and I to grow closer.
  7. halfconfused

    halfconfused Well-Known Member

    Jul 5, 2013
    Likes Received:
    yay thanks for the updates!

    Makes me wonder who you're with now considering that you've described Erin using past tense. How many years has it been? All of this?
  8. Lexington

    Lexington Well-Known Member

    Jul 4, 2013
    Likes Received:
    Che continued to call and text me over the coming weeks. I was due in work that night and I received a text from Che, "Lex, please don’t ignore me, I love you, but I can put that aside, I know you are happy with Erin, but I miss my best friend."

    I put my phone back in my pocket and convinced myself it was for the best. I went into work and was in the process of doing the safe count for the banking when one of the girls from the bar knocked on the door, "Lex, sorry to disturb you".

    "It’s ok Gemma, come in, what’s up?"

    "Che is in the bar, she’s pretty drunk and she’s demanding to see you, she’s getting quite loud and I'm worried she might disturb the customers".

    I sighed, "Thanks Gem, i’ll be out now".

    I walked through to the bar and saw her arguing with Liam my head barman and she stepped back and knocked one of my regulars pint over, "Sorry Liam, i’ll take this from here, could you make sure Mr Parkers bill is taken care of please and make sure he has anything he needs? i’ll authorise the void later".

    He nodded, "Sure Lex, no problem".

    "Thanks Liam".

    I took hold of Che’s elbow and steered her through the bar to the office forcefully, "What are you playing at?"

    "You wouldn’t answer my calls, what was I meant to do, I miss you Lex!"

    "You can’t just turn up here and make a scene Che, I know this isn’t easy and I'm sorry you’re struggling but you can’t act like that here. It's completely unprofessional, in front of my staff Che, that's not cool"

    She started to cry, years cascading down her cheeks, "I can’t do it Lex, It hurts too much!"

    She started crying and I instinctively pulled her toward me and enveloped her in my arms. My heart was literally breaking seeing how upset she was, "I'm sorry you are struggling, I'm going to get you somebody to talk to. Will you go and see Nikki? I’ll pay for you to see her, I think it might help you sort through some things?"

    She clung to my top in desperation, "I don’t need you to pay for it"

    "Che, just let me do this for you"

    She nodded defeated, "I'm sorry".

    "You don’t need to be sorry sweetheart, it’s me who should be sorry".

    We were quiet for a while until I let go of her and she unfolded herself from my arms, "How are you getting home?"

    "Taxi I guess".

    I shook my head, "I'm finished here now, I’ll drive you".

    I closed the safe and grabbed my coat, "Come on, lets go".

    We walked through to the bar and I asked Liam if he was ok locking up he nodded. I led Che to my car and opened the passenger door for her, "Come on wino get in"

    She smiled at me, "Missed you Lex".

    "Missed you too." I sighed in defeat.

    Once we got to Che’s place I walked her in and made her a coffee and gave her two paracetamol. I kissed the top of her head, "I'm gonna go, I’ll call you tomorrow once I’ve spoken to Nikki ok?"

    she nodded but still held onto my hand i squeezed hers to offer reassurance and added, "What nights can you do?"

    "Ohh I don’t know, I’ll have to schedule it around my many hot dates."

    I smiled and gave her a questioning look and she added, "Any night, my social calendar isn’t exactly fit to bursting if you know what I mean?"

    "Ok, speak to you tomorrow".

    "Bye, Lex".

    As I drove home I hoped that seeing Nikki would help her work through some things, I desperately wanted her to be ok.

    The next week Erin went on holiday with her friends to Greece and Che went away with our friends. I couldn’t go because Louise was away too and I had to look after the restaurant. I was quite looking forward to having a week to myself. I was sat relaxing in the sunshine in my garden with a beer and a book. I picked up my phone to check facebook to see if my friends had uploaded any pictures yet.

    I laughed as I clicked on a photograph of Alice slumped in a corner covered in empty bottles with a drawn on moustache. I flicked through the photographs and came across one that made my stomach sink. Che was stood in the background of a picture of Lisa. Che was stood next to a girl I didn’t know, and this girl had her arm around her.

    My mind began to race as I imagined all kinds of scenarios which involved che with this mystery girl. As I continued to scroll through I found another picture, this time of Jo showing off her white bits and in the background Che was lying in bed next to the mystery girl. I felt jealousy rise in me like bile as a strong feeling of sickness settled over me.

    I struggled to move my thoughts away from the mystery girl and Che,I wanted to go there and rip that girls arm off Che’s shoulders and drag her out of her bed. I hated the thought of someone else touching her and I knew I had no right to feel that way.

    I got up from the blanket I had laid out, took my bottle of beer and book inside placed them on the table, put my gym gear on and went out for a run in a vain attempt to clear my head of the jealousy I felt raging within me.

    Running was where I did all my best thinking and it nearly always made me feel better. With every stride I took I felt myself relax into a steady rhythm the jealousy easing somewhat. I told myself I had no right to feel jealous or protective of Che and that my main concern now was Erin.

    Before I knew it I was running towards Ellen's place. I pulled out my phone from my shorts pocket and dialled her number. She answered straight away. I asked her if she had time for a coffee as I was near her place. She told me to come straight over. I arrived at her house and knocked on the door still trying to catch my breath from my run. Ellen opened the door with a smile. "Wow, you look like a bin bag full of shite. What's up? You sounded stressed?"

    "Make me a coffee." I said as I pushed passed her into her house.
    She made us coffee as I stood leaning against her kitchen counter. "So come on, what's up?"

    "Everything". I sighed.
    She gave me a pointed look waiting for me to continue. "Erin is on holiday and some friend of hers keeps hitting on her and she thought it would be a brilliant idea to tell me about it when I'm thousands of miles away. And Che is away with my friends and there's pictures up on Facebook of her with a few different girls and I don't like it!"

    She cradled her coffee cup with a smirk. She looked me in the eyes as she took a sip, "Is someone a bit jealous?"
    She met my gaze whilst grinning broadly causing me to yield.
    "sweetheart, it's a waste of time speaking to me about either of them because I think you are far too good for both of them, you deserve better".
    I gave her my best annoyed look and she sniggered, "ok, ok, which one of them is it that you want again?"
    I sighed dropping my head into my hands, "I just don't know!" I said yet in my head I was screaming 'you!'
    "Spoilt for choice kid, you should stop being so damn irresistible." She grinned.

    "Do you Wanna get smashed? Might bring some clarity to the situation? And if not we will have a bloody good time trying". She asked eyebrows raised a mischievous look playing across her face.

    "Sure, why not. Can't make things any worse can it?"
    "That's my girl". She said whilst ruffling my hair.
    We cracked open a few bottles of wine and we both gradually became more and more drunk. Nat joined us a bit later, once she had got home from work. We had a lot of fun, but I was very aware of controlling my actions so as not to upset Nat. it was just what I needed to take my mind off things.
  9. Lexington

    Lexington Well-Known Member

    Jul 4, 2013
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    I stayed over at their place after drinking too much to safely find my way home. I watched the two of them together and saw how happy they were and a tightness developed in my chest. I realised that I wanted what they had, or did I want want Nat had? Of that I couldn't quite be sure. I forced myself to put my desire for Ellen aside and just try to enjoy myself.

    I headed home the next day feeling a lot more rational about things. For the rest of the week I threw myself into landscaping Erin’s garden as a surprise for her return, it was my way of attempting to ease the guilt I felt for becoming so jealous of Che and the girl in the pictures.

    I agreed to pick my friends up from the airport and I was anxious at the thought of seeing Che, I knew the car ride would be tainted with talk of the mystery girl in the photographs. I waited at arrivals nervousness rising within me. I heard them before I saw them as Alice rounded the corner and shouted, "Lex, I'm so gutted you didn’t come with us, these lot were really boring, I missed you sweetness!"

    I laughed, "Don’t call me sweetness, sugar".

    she laughed and threw her arms around my shoulders and pulled me into a hug. As she did I glanced over her shoulder and my eyes met Che’s, I quickly looked away, "By the looks of the pictures you all had a very productive holiday".

    As I said that I let my eyes find Che’s again and a confused expression crossed her face. Alice let go of me and stepped back from my arms and met my gaze with a questioning expression, "Productive?"

    "Yeah, just how many random girls, and boys did I see on those photographs? Do I need to swing by the clap clinic on the way home?"

    Alice and Jo laughed and held their hands up in defeat, "Yeah they were all down to us, the rest of these boring bastards just sat by the pool all day".

    Alice then looked at Che and back to me and nodded in Che’s direction, "And this one, she had an admirer follow her round all week but didnt even so much let her finger blast her!"

    I looked at Alice with a revolted look on my face, "VILE!! You are just VILE mate".

    I felt relief wash over me at Alice’s disgusting words, but the implication of such meant Che hadn’t gotten involved with anyone and more importantly not the girl in the pictures.

    I looked round at Che again as she rounded on Alice, "She wasn’t my type, she had the IQ of gnat, and I'm not into blondes either". As she spoke her gaze found mine and she smiled, "Hi Lex".

    I closed the distance between us and brought her into a hug, it felt so good to have her in my arms and I had to force myself to let her go. Jo grabbed me and lifted me up, "How have you been coping without your Mrs and your bestest mates?"

    She put me down and ruffled my hair, "It’s been tough but i’ve somehow battled on through".

    We got to my car and I stowed all their bags in the boot and Alice lit up a cigarette.
    "Al, what the hell?! put that out and get in the car I haven’t got all night!"

    She looked at me eyes wide taken a back, "Fucking hell mate, when is Erin back? you’re a grumpy twat when you haven’t been laid, christ!"

    She discarded her cigarette and climbed into the car. I drove them home dropping Che off first as I didn’t want to be alone in the car with her, not the way I was feeling.

    I returned home and went straight to bed, I couldn’t wait for Erin to get home. I was due to pick her and her friends up the next morning.

    I waited in arrivals for the second time in as many days. Erin threw her arms around me and kissed me, she seemed to display a weeks worth of passion in that one kiss. One of her friends tutted, "PDA’s make me sick!"

    Erin reluctantly pulled away, "’I’ve missed you so much babe".

    "Missed you too".

    I took her case off her and we all headed off towards my car. As I was placing all their bags in the boot Erin said, "Sorry Lex, I should have introduced you to everyone, you know Julia, and Tracy, this is Angela.

    I held my hand out to this Angela who I had been told had a crush on Erin. During the holiday she was all over Erin. She apparently told Erin that she knew she wanted her whilst trying to take her own clothes off. I wasn’t worried and I didn’t feel jealous I felt it was somewhat tragic. She took my offered hand and pulled a face, "I thought you’d be older, you’re just a twenty something twink! what does she see in you? you’re just a stupid kid"

    I looked at her and smiled despite my better judgement, "Well this twenty something ‘stupid twink’ is driving you home, so play nice and please try and keep your clothes on this time, i’ve just had my car valetted! But if you don't think you can manage that then you should really start walking now."

    I paused looked at my watch and added, "you might make it home by early next week, but only if you're lucky!"

    Everyone laughed and she sulked her way on to the back seat. I shook my head as I got into the drivers seat and I drove them home in silence. As soon as her friends were out of my car erin broke the silence, "You ok?"

    "No, I'm not, nobody speaks to me like that, if she hadn’t been your friend i’d have crashed her and made her walk! and it wouldn’t have killed you to defend me, you just sat there and let your friend speak to me like that.You let her disrespect me"

    "You don’t need defending Lex, you’re fully grown and more than capable of defending yourself".

    I shook my head and avoided eye contact, "Whatever! I don't fucking care it just would have been nice for my girlfriend to want to stand up for me when her 'friend' was treating me like shite! It was disrespectful. You know, I'd never let any of my friends talk to you like that"
    "What are you more annoyed about? How she spoke to you or the fact we have finally found someone who is amune to your charm?"
    "Fuck off! Just fuck off! I'm so sick of this shit, I'm sick of people judging me and If you think THAT then you really don't know me at all. You know what, just forget I even said anything".
    I was seething with anger but deep down I knew I wasn't really angry at Erin I was angry at the fact I couldn't have what I wanted or more importantly who I wanted. Picking a fight with Erin was my way of sabotaging everything. As soon as the thought crossed my mind I had to consciously fight to stop myself from doing it.
    She rolled her eyes, "if this is what a week of no sex does to you then I'm never leaving again, Jesus!"
    "Yeah, Erin, that is exactly what THIS is all about. Lack of sex. How very shrewd of you! Fucking hell!!!"
    Inside I was seething, if anything was guaranteed to set my blood boiling it was calling me stupid. But I knew deep down it wasn't about what her friend had said it was about how I felt. I was taking my unhappiness out on her. I didn’t want to continue to fight with her and spoil my surprise i’d devoted a week to. So against my better judgement I decided to appologise. "look, im sorry babe, im just tired and in no mood for some idiot to ridicule me".
    "Apology accepted". She took hold of my hand as I drove intertwining our fingers.

    I hoped she would be pleased with her suprise so we could forte out fight. I knew the garden looked amazing and I pushed my annoyance aside as my anticipation grew at the thought of how she would react. As we drove I told her I had a surprise for her. Once outside her house I smiled, "I'm going to blindfold you".

    She smirked and raised her eyebrows, "Sounds promising, i’ve been looking forward to taking you to bed all week".

    I laughed, "Well that will have to wait until after your surprise".

    she gave me an imploring look and I smiled as I blindfolded her and led her through her house to her french doors looking out over her newly landscaped garden. I opened the doors then removed her blindfold. Her mouth hung open and her eyes went wide she didn’t say anything she just looked at me then back at the garden. "Lex, it’s amazing, I love it. It must have taken you all week".

    She threw her arms around me and buried her face in my neck, "lex, I love you".
  10. Lexington

    Lexington Well-Known Member

    Jul 4, 2013
    Likes Received:
    Her words cut through me like a sharp knife as my stomach plummeted. Panic radiated through me as my mind scrambled to say something, anything. I didn’t know what to say, I wasn’t quite there yet. Her declaration hung heavily in the air, the silence almost overwhelming. The window of time in which I could say something in reply was rapidly diminishing and I knew I was risking seriously hurting her feelings if not damaging our relationship by remaining silent but I couldn't make myself speak the words she desperately wanted to hear because I simply didn't feel it.

    She held me tight and after what felt like an eternity she echoed my own thoughts, "It’s ok, I know you aren’t there yet, I just wanted to tell you how I felt". I pulled away completely dazed. I looked into her eyes and then leaned in and kissed her, I didn’t know what else to do.

    She continued to kiss me with a level of passion I had yet seen from her as she led me towards her bedroom. Her words had disarmed me and I was mentally and physically off balance. I let her steer me to her bed in a dream like haze but my head and my heart wasn’t really into it. I was over run with the guilt of it.

    The next day I managed to regain my composure and I lay in her arms quite content, "Do you have to go into work tonight?"

    she sighed, "Don’t do that to me you know I have to go, sick people don’t nurse themselves".

    She leaned down and kissed me and I gave her my bestest sad eyes, "but i’ve spent all week alone".

    "Aaaww poor baby. Why don’t you ask Che round to yours for dinner and a dvd while I'm at work".

    "Nah, I don’t think so"

    "Lex, she’s your best mate, I trust you".

    "maybe, we’ll see".

    she grabbed my phone and dialled Che’s number, "it’s ringing!!" she held the phone out to me and I grabbed it and scowled at her. Che answered after only a few rings

    "Hey Lex, what’s up?"

    "Hey, listen". I spoke whilst glowering at Erin.

    "I was wondering if you wanted to come round for dinner and a film tonight?" I continued to glare at Erin whilst I spoke. I didn't like being backed into a corner.

    "Yeah, sure, sounds good. what time?"

    "Say about 7 ish?"

    "ok, i’ll see you tonight"

    I turned to Erin as i hung up, "Happy?"

    she sniggered as I went to take a shower. When I got back she was sat on the bed, "’You got a text". she said curtly.

    I bent down and picked up my phone it was set to show text message previews in the form of a banner, it was from Che, it read, "I’ll dig out my superhero undies’ xCx"

    "What does she mean?"

    "Oh it’s nothing, we used to watch geeky films every week when we were kids and she would wear different superhero undies to match the film we were watching".

    she was quiet for a moment, "oh"

    "you ok?" I said nervously

    "I just don’t trust her, I trust you, I just don’t trust her"

    "Do you want me to cancel, I will if it makes you uncomfortable?"

    "No, don’t be silly".

    she pulled on my towel to bring me down on top of her.

    "I’ve just got clean and now you want to make me all dirty again?"

    she started to kiss me, "yeah I do".

    I smiled at her in defeat and allowed myself to be drawn in to the moment.
    We had lunch together later on and then I went home so that Erin could sleep before her night shift. I bought a few things for dinner with Che and spent the remainder of the afternoon lazing about the house. Erin called me when she woke up and whilst I was talking to her Che rang my doorbell,
    "Who’s that?"

    "It’s just Che, she’s early".

    "I’ll leave you guys to it then".

    "ok babe, i’ll see you soon".

    I put the phone down and shoved Che, "Nice timing by the way!"

    she grimaced, "Oohh, hurricane Erin in full force?"

    "Don’t Che, that’s not fair".

    She rolled her eyes,"Anyway, shouldn’t you be chained to that oven woman, cooking my dinner?"

    "It’s underway" I flashed her a smirk and handed her a drink. We sat down and I looked at her with a smirk, "Soooo how was the holiday?"

    "Uurrgghh!! It was ok I suppose". she said it with a smirk

    "why are you smirking?"

    "Because I know what you are really asking, without you actually having to ask"

    I bit my lip and looked up at her and tilted my head, "Not that I should have to explain myself........but no, no is the answer. She just kept hitting on me, I wasn’t interested"

    I looked up at her nervously knowing i had no right to ask but i couldn’t help myself, "Why not?"

    she sighed sat back and pulled her knees up to her chest then looked up at me, "Because she wasn’t you".

    we both stayed silent for a few minutes Che seemed to mentally shake herself and she shoved me, "Get my dinner on the table wench!"

    I laughed, "you are on thin ice lady!"

    ‘I went and checked on things in the kitchen and the doorbell went, I shouted into Che, "Che, get that please?"

    "No, it’s your girlfriend.......I don’t want to get frost bite!" She shouted barely taking her eyes off the tv

    I rolled my eyes at her, "Thanks".

    I jogged to get the door and opened it, "Hey babe".

    she came in kissed me quickly, I glanced at Che who smiled at Erin and said hi and the temperature in the room plummeted, Erin was ice cold with her.

    Che sat on the sofa and messed with my phone and Erin said, "Can I talk with you please, in private".

    Che looked from me to Erin and back again and stood up quickly, "I'm just gonna go the bathroom".

    Erin walked through to the kitchen and looked at me, she looked mad, "I know I said I was ok with this, but I'm not, i’ve tried to be and I'm just not, I don’t trust her with you, I really don’t"

    My heart ached as I thought she was about to make me choose between them both.

    "What can I do?"

    "I'm not asking you to stop seeing her just maybe not as much, its driving me crazy thinking of you here alone with that temptress!"

    I held back a smirk at her calling che a temptress. "She wouldn’t try anything, she knows I'm with you, and no matter what you think of her she is a decent person, deep down. And besides this was your idea".

    "I'm sorry I know I sound like a crazy jealous girlfriend.....i just hate the way she makes me feel".

    she glanced over her shoulder and saw Che sit down on the sofa and glance at us. Erin looked back at me and moved in pulling me towards her and started kissing me, her hands everywhere, she kissed me that fiercely she almost took my breath away.

    I knew it was all for Che’s benefit it was petty and childish but it seemed to make her feel better so I decided to go with it. I knew it would more than likely hurt Che but if I pulled away I would have hurt my girlfriend. She finally pulled away and I smiled, "Not exactly playing fair doing that then going to work leaving me here". she smiled and kissed me again. "Nobody said life was fair Lex!"
    I could hear Che laughing from the lounge, "brilliant idea....come round to your girlfriends in a fit of jealousy, get her all hot and turned on, then leave her with the...what was it?......oh yeah, temptress!? Bahahaha Fucking genius!" She shouted through into the kitchen laughing still not taking her eyes off the tv.

    "Just ignore her babe. Got time to stay for dinner?"

    "No, I have to get to work". She said abruptly.

    I walked her to the door and she gave me a quick peck on the lips and left somewhat unwillingly. As I shut the front door Che started laughing, "Wouldn’t it have been more effective for her to pee all over you? At least that way I wouldn't have burnt my retinas looking at that PDA"

    "You were out of order antagonising her like that. Are you two ever going to get along?"

    "I'm trying but she looked at me with her frosty glare and almost turned me to stone. She sounded mad?"


    "I think a subject change is in order?"

    I nodded and she smiled, "you going out for Jo’s birthday?"

    "Yeah, I'm looking forward to it actually".

    "Is frosty the snow bitch coming?"

    I gave her a disapproving look And she laughed. I looked at her pointedly, "yes, Erin is coming too. So is Ellen and Nat"

    She gave me a playful smile, "that will be nice for you".

    I eyed her suspiciously, "what’s that meant to mean?"

    "just that you're different around Erin, you alter yourself to what you think she will deem acceptable. Its not you, I love you, not the you you pretend to be around her! She doesn't accept you, she wants the good without the bad.......I love both the dark side as well as the light. You deserve to be with someone who accepts all of you without question. And as for Ellen and Nat, well, Erin will have her work cut out because that girl wants you too!"

    I smiled at her words, I knew she wasn't the only one to ever accept me unconditionally because she placed so many conditions in me she just couldn't see it but she was right about one thing. I didn't feel like I could truly be myself around Erin. But i figured that would come with time. I shook my head at her and changed the subject to a safer topic.

    We ate our meal and afterwards watched a film. It was getting late so Che got up to leave. I walked her to the door and she gave me a quick hug and kissed my cheek, "I'll see you tomorrow night then".

    I sat back down on the sofa and thought about what Che had said about Erin knowing who I really was when my phone broke through my thoughts. It was Erin, no doubt checking up on me on her break. "Hey, how's work?"

    "tiring. How was dinner?"

    "it was good, she just left actually. Hey, do you remember we have Jo's night out tomorrow for her birthday?"

    "yeah I swapped the shift already"

    "ok, I'll pick you up at 7? We're meeting the girls for drinks before going to that new club that opened"..

    "yeah that's fine, look I better get back to work. See you tomorrow".
  11. tetetar

    tetetar Active Member

    Jul 4, 2013
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    Thanks mate for all the updates. Hope you're keeping well.
  12. Nowthatsa

    Nowthatsa Well-Known Member

    Nov 16, 2013
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    Updates! I love it! Thanks a million!
  13. Lexington

    Lexington Well-Known Member

    Jul 4, 2013
    Likes Received:
    I picked Erin up and we drove over to the pub we planned to meet the girls at. Erin was unusually quiet in the car. "you ok?"

    She smiled and nodded avoiding my eyes. We pulled into the carpark and I manoeuvred the car into a space. I pulled the keys out of the ignition and turned in my seat to look at her,
    "Mmm, I'm not sure I believe that". I uttered whilst flashing her an imploring look.
    She rolled her eyes, "don't believe it then". She snapped as she turned her head away getting out of the car.

    I ignored her comment and followed her, sighing deeply to myself. As we walked in to the pub I spotted Jo and Che sat in the corner. We headed over to them. They both smiled broadly as we approached. I pulled Jo into a hug and placed a quick kiss on her cheek. Erin stood unmoving and silent beside me, "Happy Birthday kid". I grinned.

    I handed her a card and her gift. Che smiled and I hugged her briefly too very aware that Erin was watching my every move, "you guys want a drink?"

    Che smiled warmly, "yeah, please, same again. Thanks Lex".

    I turned to Erin, "what are you drinking?"

    "vodka and diet coke please babe".

    "ok, back in a second". Erin reluctantly sat down and they made small talk as I went to get the round in. I heard Alice and Ky arrive as flamboyantly as usual. They came up to me at the bar. "hey, gorgeous! You're looking awfully hot tonight." Alice smirked her playful flirtatiousness on full display.

    "hi Al, you don't look too shabby yourself. how's things?"

    "so so." She uttered clearly distracted.

    She nodded over in Che and Erin's direction with a smirk, "do you think it's a good idea to leave those two without adult supervision?"

    I smiled and waved my hand dismissively, "it'll be fine. What are you having to drink?"

    "Vodka and coke please lex"

    "ky, what are you having?"

    "pint, please mate".

    I talked lightheartedly to the bar maid while she served my drinks she placed them on a tray for me. I laughed, "you insinuating I can't handle carrying 6 drinks? I’ve had a lot of practice you know, talented hands" I winked at her playfully.

    she smiled, "sweetheart you're not that good!" she winked.

    I laughed and carried the tray over to our table and set them down. As I sat down Erin glared at me and uttered only just loud enough for everyone to hear, "do you have to do that wherever we go?"

    I looked at her confusion etched across my face, ‘’What?!"

    "flirt like that, with anything that moves?"

    Everyone heard what she said and all conversations ceased as their smiles faded. All attention was carefully fixed on me for my reaction. I looked at her incredulously, "I was being friendly, I'm a flirtatious person, I don't mean anything by it!". I spoke through almost gritted teeth.

    I met Che's eyes briefly and her mouth was slightly open in shock and she shook her head slightly not quite believing what Erin had just said. Che tried to lighten the mood, "she's pretty hot, I wouldn't mind being friendly with her myself".

    Everyone laughed apart from Erin who was still visibly angry.

    Ellen and Nat turned up at that point and said their hellos to everyone. My heart jolted in my chest as I took in her appearance from head to toe. She looked stunning, her hair and make up perfectly done, her outfit no doubt carefully selected to accentuate her curves. I struggled to tear my eyes away. Ky leaned forward to pick up his pint and whispered just audible enough for me to hear, "you should really stop undressing Ellen with your eyes, her girlfriend is watching you with avid fascination".
    Ky grinned at me his eyebrows raised punctuating his point. I returned his grin and thanked him for the heads up.
    Erin ignored Ellen and Nat and reached for her drink ignoring what Che had said, "Lex, that's full fat coke, I asked for diet".

    "is it? I asked for diet, sorry".

    "Lex, I can't drink that!" She shouted louder.

    She held her drink out towards me and when i didn’t take it she placed it on the table a little too forcefully the contents of the glass spilling onto the table. The atmosphere was uncomfortable and I picked up her glass glaring at her for making a show of me and silently went back to the bar my face like thunder.
    Ellen was the first to break the awkward silence, "Lex, hold up, ill come with you I'm going the bar anyway".
    Once we reached the bar she turned her back to the group and spoke quietly, "what the fuck was that about? I had no idea she was such a princess!"
    "Mate, neither did I. She's gotten so much worse lately".
    I caught the attention of the bar maid, "sorry love, my girlfriends being difficult, she wanted diet coke with her vodka, any chance you can change it?"

    She smiled, made eye contact with me, "no problem, looks like you have your hands full with that one".
    "Thanks". I smiled at her and moved to go back to the table. Ellen took hold of my hand caressing my fingers with hers, gently pulling me towards her placing a soft lingering kiss on my cheek. She moved her lips to my ear and spoke softly sending delicious tingles through me, "you look gorgeous by the way".
    Her eyes met mine and twinkled as a smirk spread across her face. I returned her smirk and squeezed her hand in reply, "Best get back to the gorgon, she's throwing daggers at me".

    I tore my eyes away from Ellen and headed back to the table. I placed Erin's drink down without a word. I turned to Jo changing the subject, "when's everyone else getting here?"

    "oh they're meeting us at the club later".

    I went back up to the bar on my round and a girl bumped into me by accident and apologised placing my hand on her arm instinctively to steady her. When I came back with the drinks Erin made another sly comment about me flirting with the girl who bumped into me. I looked at her and shook my head. She was starting to really get on my nerves. Che met my gaze again and I looked away I couldn't look at her without her words of the previous night echoing in my head.
    I got up to go the bathroom and I walked into a cubicle and slammed the toilet seat down and sat down on it. I'd never seen Erin like that before and I didn't like it. I stood up once is settled myself and exited the cubicle. Che and Ellen were waiting for me both leaning against the sinks, "what the fuck Lex? Why are you letting her embarrass you like that?" Che spoke a shocked tone to her voice.
    "Ditch her Lex, she's trying to put a fucking lead on you!" Ellen added.

    "Don't Che, and you!? Don't even start!!". I said impatiently. What the fuck is this, two enemies joining forces against a common evil?"
    They both looked at each other and shrugged, "if that's what it takes Lex". Ellen spoke after me as I left the bathroom.

    I headed back out to the bar and sat down. Erin was outside with Jo while her and Al had a smoke. Ky looked at me with a smirk, "looks like the girlfriend has trust issues mate".

    I raised my eyebrows my mind only half with the conversation, "so it seems".

    I downed my drink and headed back to the bar. We decided to leave to head to the club we planned to go to. We ordered taxis and waited outside. We had ordered two taxis and everyone else got in one leaving Erin and myself in the other probably due to the frosty atmosphere. We got in and I was silent. Erin nudged me, "what's wrong?"
  14. roho412

    roho412 Member

    Sep 18, 2013
    Likes Received:
    I can't believe she asked that.....some people
  15. Lexington

    Lexington Well-Known Member

    Jul 4, 2013
    Likes Received:
    I shook my head at her in disbelief, "what's wrong? You're embarrassing me in front of my friends with your jealous trust issues!"

    "what are you talking about?"

    "are you serious? You're accusing me of flirting with anything with a pulse and speaking to me like a piece of shit! None of them came in this taxi with us because of your attitude. It stinks!"

    She spoke in almost a whisper, "I'm sorry".

    "don't be, just pack it in. I just want to enjoy our night out together".

    She squeezed my hand in apology and we arrived at the club. We all headed in and spotted the rest of our friends. We got a round of drinks and joined them. The music pounded and I sat back and took in the eclectic crowd and indulged my favourite past time, people watching.
    I rapidly became more intoxicated. A few girls approached me and I politely told them I was with Erin and they left but I could feel Erin's eyes on me watching for any wrong move on my part. I felt suffocated, I felt like I was constantly having to watch my actions for fear of setting off Erin's insecurities, insecurities i had caused.
    Ky was sat next to me and he smiled leaning in closer a mischievous smile dancing across his boyish face, "aahh the webs we weave".

    I gave him a questioning look and he pointed to Erin with the short black straw from his drink, "she's watching you, Che is watching you, Erin is also watching Che to see if she's watching you, Nat is watching you to see if you're watching Ellen and Ellen is also watching you, but, who are you watching Lex?"

    I took in his words then smiled, "no one, I'm dancing, with you"

    I pulled him up and we joined the throngs of people already dancing. Erin came over a few minutes later. I pulled her close, "dance with me"

    "No! Come and sit with me"

    "babe, I'm enjoying myself and I want to dance with my girlfrend" I pulled her towards me and she shook her head and took a step back, "I bet if Che asked you to sit down with her you would"
    My anger that had been bubbling away all night finally boiled over, "No! Because SHE would NEVER dictate to me!"

    I was angry and drunk and I turned my back on her and continued to dance and enjoy myself. I was incredibly drunk when Che came over to where ky and I were dancing. She started to dance with me her body perfectly matching the rhythm of the music, she was beautiful. I remembered how easy it was to be around her even if our relationship was impossible at times, she would never have spoke to me like Erin had. My heart raced and my breathing became laboured as she brushed up against me in the crowd. Someone bumped into her and she stumbled forward and grabbed my hips to steady herself. Ky shouted just audible enough over the pounding music, "watch it mate!"

    My eyes were locked on Che's for one very intense moment. The rest of the club faded out and it was just the two of us the full force of our history hitting me square in the face. She glanced down to my lips, eyes quickly flicking back up to mine before she leaned in towards me. Our lips were millimetres apart as she pulled my hips towards hers. My head was hazy, it would have been so easy to close those last few millimetres and succumb to her. My stomach lurched as I remembered Erin.

    I was about to pull away, finally realising that what was happening was wrong, when a warm hand grasped mine and twirled me around causing me to take a clear step backwards instilling clear distance between Che and I. I turned and locked eyes with Ellen almost falling into their brown depths. It felt like I'd been dragged out of the frying pan and into the fire. Her intoxicating scent filled my senses and I imagined how soft and sensual her kiss would be. I could hear my blood pumping and my pulse quicken and I almost gave in, I almost moved towards her and allowed my lips to claim hers my hazy drunkeness weakening my resolve. I wanted her so badly every part of my being craved her touch. My heart thumped and my body ached for her. I finally shook myself as her words cut through my thoughts, "she's watching you Lex, shaky ground mate, very shaky!"
    I broke her gaze then turned and headed for the bar my body shaking and my head spinning. I returned to my seat head swimming with what I had almost done and the feelings for Ellen that raged ever more within me. As I sat down I handed Erin the drink I had got her and met her surly gaze. "what the hell was that?"

    "I know you’re angry but she's drunk she wouldn't have done that otherwise".

    "I'm not angry at her Lex, I expect it from her! I'm angry at you because you almost kissed her back".

    "but I didn't".

    "so I'm supposed to be grateful? I can't stand the way you look at her, the way you feel about her!"
    Che, she was talking about Che, not Ellen I thought. I wondered what she would be like if she realised my feelings were more for Ellen. I convinced myself that it didn't matter who the recipient was, it was the fact that it wasn't Erin that was the issue.
    I was quiet for a moment as I realised just how much I was hurting her, "well if it's hurting you, maybe we should take a break?"
  16. Nowthatsa

    Nowthatsa Well-Known Member

    Nov 16, 2013
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    Yesss! Do take a break! Go for Ellen!
  17. Lexington

    Lexington Well-Known Member

    Jul 4, 2013
    Likes Received:
    "I don't want a break Lex, I want you!!"

    She pulled me close and kissed me, her hands settling under my top on my back. I didn't want her hands on me, guilt bubbled just under my skin and her touch served only to accentuate it's rampage through my body. But I couldn't break her heart, I had to focus on her, I'd made my commitment and despite the fact my resolve had faltered with Ellen with our almost kiss, I pushed what that meant and the feelings that I had for Ellen aside. I owed it to Erin to at least try.

    I dropped Erin off at her place and despite her pleas I headed on to my house. I needed to be alone, I needed time to think. Once I got home I went straight upstairs. I threw myself down ontoy bed and stared up at the ceiling as if it held the answers I needed. My mind kept replaying the moment with Ellen over and over, except in my head we actually kissed. No matter how hard I tried all I could focus on was Ellen's face, the feel of her hand, the words she spoke to me back at the bar and the feel of her lips on my cheek. The relentless stream of thoughts left me with a very dull ache in my chest and a heavyness surrounding me. My life was a mess and it was all my own doing.

    The next few days with Erin were tenuous at best. She was still on night shifts so her mood wasn't helped by the tiredness.

    I decided to have a quiet night in seeing as though I wasn't in work. Jo came round to drop off a book she had borrowed. She came in and sat down and I got her a drink. She turned to me with a slight smirk, "what happened the other night? I've heard murmurs that you and Che almost kissed right in front of Erin?"

    I shook my head, "I was drunk, and nothing happened".
    "Another little bird tells me Ellen pulled you away from Che and then you almost kissed Ellen too?" She grinned playfully.
    "I don't know what you're talking about". I uttered quietly.

    "remind me again why you and her aren't together?"
    "Who? Me and Ellen?"
    Jo raised her eyebrows in suprise, "no sweetie, I meant Che."

    "Oh, right, yeah, so many reasons, shes ashamed of who she is, she kept sleeping with men, and she had sex with her ex when she was meant to be with me, to name but a few".

    "Mmm about that, I don't think you know the full story about any of it"

    I gave her a questioning look as I took a swig of my beer.

    "So, the reason you guys didn't get together in the Dominican was because she slept with that Riley guy?"

    I nodded, "yeah, and she still couldn't admit who she was".

    "news flash mate, she didn't sleep with him, she stayed in Louise's room that night. You can ask her. And the other reason, sleeping with her ex? Well, she didn't do that either. She's been in love with you since she was 14 mate, give the girl a break, she wasn't as brave or as strong as you. Oh and the guy in New York, she didn't sleep with him either. But never the less, she's struggling with this whole situation. but ultimately she's a good person Lex".

    I was shell shocked, all the reasons I based my decision about not wanting to be with Che were untrue. "I know she's a good person". I muttered dazed and confused as she continued her rant.

    "and she loves you unconditionally, I asked her if she was going to tell you about Riley and Lauren and the guy from New York and do you know what she said?"

    She paused momentarily then before I had chance to answer she said, "you will never guess, so I'll tell you! she said that she wanted to tell you but she decided not to because, if you were ever going to be with her it had to be because you wanted to and not because of things that didn’t happen years ago. She says you are happy with Erin and as long as you are happy she will just try and get on with things".

    I hated myself for chastising her for things she hadn't even done. The things I'd used to convince myself she wasn't right for me had been taken away. I was filled with feelings of confusion and a need to see her, then my thoughts fell to Erin and guilt once again washed over me. "she's not coping well Lex, I told her she has to move on and stop hoping that you will change your mind. She has a date tonight, she's going to try and move on, try and get over you".

    "you told her what? Who's the date with?"

    "some girl she works with I think".

    "does she like her?"

    "I don't think she lights any fires in her but that's not really the point, she needs to go out and have fun. It's the first step".

    "how is going on a date with a boring person who doesn't move her going to help her? She deserves better than that!"

    "she needs to get out there and see other people so she's not constantly moping after you. You've got a girlfriend lex, let Che move on".


    "well I guess it's tough, you just have to deal with it and stop being so selfish she deserves to be happy too".

    My chest ached filling with anger, I hated the thought of someone else being with her, touching her, loving her, I couldn't stand it. Jealousy rose in me again like bile and I wanted to hit things. I didn't understand why I felt this way. Jo left and I Went through to my gym and started punching hell out of my punch bag, with every punch came clarity, I didn't want anyone else to have her because I wanted to be the one with her, touching her and loving her, just me, nobody else. I knew I had to finish with Erin. Even if Che didn't want to be with me it wasn't fair to her no matter what she said, I'd treated her unfairly and I had to at least try to start putting things right. I wondered how I would ever find the words to tell Erin I didn't want to be with her anymore. I turned and executed the best kick I'd ever done my leg colliding with the bag at full force. I'd kicked it that hard I somehow managed to break the chain holding it up. I walked back into the kitchen and picked up my phone. I typed out a txt msg to Che.

    "I hear you have a date tonight?"

    She txt back straight away, "yeah I do, but please don't start. I need to get over you".

    "I don't want you to"

    "it doesn't really matter what you want does it? you have Erin"

    I stood staring at her message and my stomach churned. Erin, I needed to talk to her and put things right. I sent Erin a text.

    "can you come round when you finish work tomorrow?"

    She text back immediately, "yeah, sure, I wanted to see you anyway, see you in the morning xEx"

    I'd never split up with anyone before and I wondered how I would ever find the right words. I poured myself a large drink and thought about what I was going to say when Louise rang.

    "Lex, you'll never guess who just called me asking if you were working?"

    "Mila Kunis?"

    "close, Che! When I said you were off tonight, she booked a table for two, for her and her DATE! and she swore me to secrecy"

    "I know Louise, I don't want to hear about it. But I'll be sure never to trust your promises ever again".

    "Mmmm right, I'll txt you updates on how it looks like its going"

    Before I could protest she hung up. I continued to drink heavily whilst Louise bombarded me with txts about how Che's date was going. I knew then I needed to end things with Erin regardless of whether I could make things right with Che. The mere fact I was sat there boiling with jealousy, over someone who wasn't my girlfriend spoke volumes.

    at 8pm Louise txted me again, "she looks bored shitless"

    At 8:45pm, "she's drinking a lot to try and make the date seem more interesting"

    10:35pm, "sweetheart, they kissed I'm sorry, it didn't look very hot if that helps but they left in one taxi"

    My heart sank at the thought of Che taking this woman home to her bed. I felt physically sick at the thought of her being intimate with someone else. To push the thoughts away I continued to drink and eventually slipped into a disturbed sleep.

    Erin was due to arrive in half an hour and I sat nervously. I didn't have a clue what I was going to say to her, I didn't want to hurt her but I knew if I didn't it would be worse in the long run.
    The doorbell rang and again my stomach churned. I let her in and she threw her arms around me and started kissing me in between words, "I've missed you."

    I pulled her arms off me, "Erin, we need to talk".

    Her smile faltered, "nothing good ever follows those words".

    "just come and sit down, please".

    She followed me through to the lounge and sat with me on the sofa. I looked at her and my heart started to beat rapidly, "I don't think we should see each other anymore, it's not fair on you that I have these feelings for somebody else. I keep hurting you and you deserve better than that".

    "tears sprung to her eyes and she looked at me with a false smile on her face, surely it's up to me to decide if it's hurting me?"

    I took her hand in mine, "and if you’re honest you would say that it is, it's turning you into a jealous wreck and that's not good for either of us. You deserve to be happy and I'm just making you sad".

    "but I want to be with you, I don't care if you have feelings for her."

    "Yeah, but you should care, you deserve to be the ONLY person I think about. I'm an arse for treating you like that".

    "But I love you!"

    "I know, and you deserve someone who will love you back in the same way, if not more"

    She wiped the tears from her eyes and looked me dead in the face, "did you cheat on me with her?"

    "No, I would never do that to you!"

    "I don't believe you, tell me the truth!"

    "I swear, that is the truth, I've been nothing but honest with you from the beginning".

    "you are a fucking lying, cheating bastard! Did you fuck your whore all night before breaking my heart?".

    "Erin, I haven't touched her. I wouldn't do that to you. I've done a lot of things that I'm not proud of, but I would never cheat on you. I know you're upset but this is best for both of us".

    "Best for you, you mean. Now you're free to chase that home wrecker! She sobbed.

    I FUCKING HATE YOU!" She screamed angrily.

    And with that she picked up my lap top and threw it across the room at my head. I ducked out of the way as it whistled past my ear and hit the wall behind me smashing the screen, pieces flying everywhere..
    "what the fuck is wrong with you?" I shouted exasperated.

    "what the fuck is wrong with me? What the fuck is wrong with you, you mean? You are incapable of love because of what that twisted fuck of a dad did to you! That must have really fucked you up, because you're just as sick and twisted as him! Nobody will ever get close to you because he damaged you, you're broken Lex!"

    I felt my blood begin to boil, she was using my fears about myself and my past that I had shared with her in confidence against me. I felt like she had punched me in the stomach robbing me of any air. She knew all too well that i worried that the things my dad did had fucked me up emotionally and she was using those fears against me now, in an argument. With that, my phone charger came hurtling towards me and missed my chest by millimetres landing in the fruit bowl. I moved closer, "Erin, stop throwing my shit at me, what's wrong with you!!"

    She moved closer to me and started hitting me rattling her clenched fists off my torso, now this, this was something I was used too, I could deal with this. I let her hit me as she eventually stilled. I put my hand on the back of her head, "I'm sorry, I never meant to hurt you".

    "yeah, well you did." She spat.

    She straightened herself and swallowed her tears, "and now I'm going to hurt you as much as you have hurt me!"

    She grabbed her car keys and went outside towards my car. She took her key and smiled at me as she dragged it the full length of the drivers door cutting deeply into the bodywork. As she pulled it I stood and watched in horror my stomach sinking through the floor as she continued to scribble with her key. She looked me right in the eyes, "you lying cheating bitch!"

    She straightened herself up and got into her car and drove off leaving me stood on my path looking at my car completely gobsmacked at what had just happened.

    I went back inside and sat on my sofa staring into space wondering what the hell had just happened. My phone started ringing shaking me from my daze. It was Ellen. I took a deep breath and answered it.
    "Hey you, what's up?"
    She sounded choked up like she had been crying, "Err, I don't really want to talk about it over the phone. Can you meet me? I really need to talk?" Her voice cracked and I heard her sniff away what I assumed where tears.

    "Jesus, what's happened....are you ok?"
    "Lex, please?! Just get here?!" She pleaded.
  18. OutofAfrica

    OutofAfrica Active Member

    Jul 18, 2013
    Likes Received:
    She didn't sleep with them :D That's my girl!!! CHE
    Great & awesome post...
    PS Binge posting of a week ago was very effective.
    Do it again!!!
  19. Lexington

    Lexington Well-Known Member

    Jul 4, 2013
    Likes Received:
    "Ok, ok, where are you?"
    "I'm at our place".
    "Ok mate, ill be right there".
    I grabbed my keys and wallet and jumped straight in my car. My thoughts swam wondering what could possibly have made my otherwise strong, happy, lighthearted friend so rattled and upset.
    It had to be Nat, there was no other option, nothing that would cause her to be so upset. My heart ached at the thought, knowing just how much she meant to Ellen. Despite my deep feelings for her I hoped that I was wrong, because all I really wanted for her was for her to be happy. The drive was agonising. I finally pulled up outside and pulled into a space on the road. I locked my car and quickly made my way into the bar. I pushed through throngs of people finally catching sight of her on a bar stool propping up the bar slumped over a drink. I made my way over to her taking in her appearance. She was a mess. She looked heartbroken, her eyes were bloodshot and puffy from crying and tear stained paths on her cheeks from her tears. I paused a moment before approaching her as I took a deep breath and tried to settle myself. I was no good to her like this.

    I finally got a grip of myself and moved towards her. I placed my hand on her shoulder to get her attention over the noise. "Hey sweetheart."
    "Hey!!! Lex!"
    She turned to the barmaid and grabbed her attention, "get my friend lex a jim and coke please Anna". She slurred.
    I smiled at the bar maid and handed over my credit card, "can i set up a tab?"
    "Yeah, no problem".
    "Great thanks, keep them coming please love".
    She nodddd and smiled her acknowledgement. I took Ellen's arm and pulled her down off the stool she was perched precariously on. I spotted a free booth and steered her towards it. "Come on mate, I think we will be more comfortable over here with some privacy".
    I placed Ellen into the booth and placed her drink in front of her. I sat down opposite her and stayed silently for a moment. I took her hands in mine and looked at her poingniantly, "want to talk about it?"
    Tears streamed down her face as she messed with her straw absently avoiding my eyes. She finally lifted her gaze to mine her eyes brimming with tears. She choked out two words, "she left!"
    My stomach plummeted.
    "Nat? She left? Why? What happened?"
    "Her sister passed away and she's flown out to go pick up her niece who is actually now her daughter because she's her legal guardian. She neglected to tell me that this was all organised on her last visit!" She almost incoherently vented.
    Confusion overwhelmed me as I struggled to make sense of what she said, "wait, what? How did her sister die? Was it expected?"
    "She had huntingtons and she off'd herself before she got too sick."
    My brow creased, "but she's coming back, right?"
    "Yeah, she's coming back. With a baby! A baby Lex!! She told me that I either deal with it or leave now and that her priority is about the baby now."
    "Shit!! So you either Jump into a ready made family or its over?"
    "Yeah, pretty much". Tears flooded her eyes and spilled over, wetting the already established path down her face. She looked up at me tentatively her eyes filled with worry, "I can't be a mother Lex, I'm not ready. I'm still a child myself!"
    "You can be a mother El, I think you'd be awesome, you're on their level you know?" I smiled at her and was rewarded by a handful of peanuts pelted at my chest.
    A few of the peanuts dropped down my top. I smirked at her and decided to risk a joke in an attempt to lighten her mood, "you know I'm totally going to have to organise a search party to get those out later, don't you? I just have to decide which one of these lucky ladies have the right skill sets. The things I do for you".
    She choked out a half laugh, half cry, "as if you need any excuse to take some poor unsuspecting girl home".
    I took her hand and held it tight then tapped my shoulder with my free hand, "nah, this shoulder is all yours tonight, so you can cry your fat arse off, safe in the knowledge that I got your back".
    She smiled weakly then returned her attention back to her drink a look of fear creasing her beautiful face. It seemed like an age before she spoke again in a strangled whisper, "Lex, she might have it too, it's hereditary. There's a 50/50 chance she has it. She won't get tested, she says she doesn't want to know".
    She slumped over, her body wracked with sobs. I moved from opposite her to the space next to her and pulled her into my arms. My heart ached for her. I hated seeing her like this, it broke my heart.
    I rubbed her back and stroked her hair to soothe her. She eventually extricated herself from my arms and took a deep breath swallowing her tears and grief.
    "She might not have it you know?"
    "But I can't live with not knowing. Especially with a baby involved, how can I bring up a child not knowing whether she's going to leave me to cope with it alone? I couldn't cope with it".
    "I know sweetheart, I know".
    The waitress brought over a fresh tray of drinks making eye contact with me as if she was trying to work out what was going on. Once she was clear of the table I looked at Ellen and spoke, "what are you going to do?"
    "I don't know. I can't be a mother Lex, I can't even look after myself. I can't live not knowing if Nat has it too, I just can't. How could we ever be happy with that hanging over us? And even if I can be a mother to this kid, I still might lose Nat and I can't be a mother alone and there's no way of knowing because she won't get the test. If I knew what I was facing it might make it easier".
    "Would it change anything? If she had it would you leave?"
    "No". She choked out, "how could I leave a sick person. I just can't deal with not knowing. I would look after her if she got sick but I can't be a mother, especially not alone".
    "What's the difference? You would look after her if she couldn't do anything for herself just like you would for a baby. So what's the difference?"
    She looked at me confused then spoke timidly, "I don't love the baby."
    "But you will love the baby. I know you El. You pretend to be this strong doesn't give a shit person but you have a huge capacity for love and that's all a kid really needs, love. And also, a really intelligent aunty Lex to teach it the shit that you can't comprehend". I grinned at her taking a large swallow of my drink which was rapidly replaced.
    Ellen shook her head fiercely, "I don't know that I could. I don't want to think about it anymore. Lex, I'm......,.I'm not even sure I feel the same about her anymore. I'm just so confused. But I can't be the dickhead who leaves a potentially sick person, can I?"
    I took her hand in mine again, "sweetheart, you don't mean that. You're just upset and you can't make out what emotions are what. Everything's just too raw right now".
    She looked up at me through tear filled tentative eyes again, "This is your fault." She whispered.
    "It's your fault Lex, you confuse the hell out of me".
    She held my gaze with so much pain behind her eyes. Her words made my heart skip a beat. I forced myself to do the responsible thing. She loved Nat, she was only saying these things because it all seemed so hard and uncertain. I squeezed her hand reassuringly, "listen, you love Nat. This is just a symptom of how bad you feel right now, let's not get it twisted, ok?"
    "I wish it was that simple Lex, I really wish it was".

    She sighed deeply, "Lets talk about something else. What did you do today?"
    I smiled at her, a tired expression on my face, "I split up with my girlfriend. Then watched whilst she smashed a bunch of my shit up".
    She smirked in spite of herself, "told you she was a crank! That girl is bat shit crazy"
    I nodded downing the rest of my drink, "should have told me louder."'
    "I did". She smirked, "but her thighs were muffling the sound!"
    I nearly choked on my drink at her words. I broke out into a hearty laugh, "see, you made a funny!"
    She flashed me a weak smile and returned her gaze to her glass. The drinks kept flowing and we talked her stiuation to death.
    Out of the blue she looked up through bleary eyes and spoke in almost a whisper, "so, back to the single life for you then?"
    I debated whether I should just agree to her statement or whether I should tell her the truth, the truth won.
    "I'm.....well, I think I might see if Che wants to make a go of things. I've found some stuff out which change things. Well, it changes how I feel about everything. I guess it all depends on how she feels about it, we haven't talked yet."
    Her brow furrowed and she focused her gaze firmly on her drink a heavy silence filling the air. Seconds turned to minutes and she still hadn't spoken. I reached out my hands and took hold of hers, "hey, why so quiet?"
    She looked up tears brimming in her eyes again, "I don't want you to....with...her....with anyone".
    I was quiet for a long time, "I don't know what it will be yet, if anything. But you have bigger issues so maybe we should focus on them?"
    She shrugged and downed the rest of her drink.
    It became strikingly obvious that she was blind drunk. I decided to call a taxi and take her home. When we got into the taxi she curled her arm around my side and placed her head on my chest. Even in her drunken state she smelled amazing. My pulse quickened with her curled into my side. The taxi pulled up outside my house and I tipped the driver handsomely so he would help me to the door with Ellen. We struggled to make it up the path with her leaning drunkenly and heavily against us. I sat her down at the kitchen table and loaded the coffee machine. She sat sprawled along the table top her head pressed against the wood. "I love you Lex, you know that?"
    I smiled at her and stroked her hair placing her coffee in front of her. "Here, drink this. It will make you feel better."
    She lifted her head and looked at me bleary eyed, "really? Is it going to turn back time and make Nat not be potentially sick and me not facing the prospect of being a mother to a child I've never met? That, really is some good fucking coffee!"
    "Drink it, funny girl".
    I filled a pint glass with water and ice and took it upstairs to the spare room. I then went back downstairs to get Ellen. I lifted her up, "come on, it's bed time for you".
    "You're so good to me Lex, did I mention that I love you, I really do love you!"
    She started to cry again slumping against me. "Why can't it be simple? Why does it always have to be so hard?"
    "I don't know love, that's life I guess."
    I took most of her weight and helped her up the stairs. "I made up the spare bed for you it's comfy. I've got you a t shirt to sleep in too. It's on the bed, here." I held out the top my outstretched hand shaking betraying my thoughts. Thankfully, she didn't seem to notice.
    "You're too good to me". She said slurring her words. She slumped back onto the bed fully clothed and passed out.
    "Uurrgghh El, wake up you have to get out of these clothes they're soaked in booze, you can't sleep in them".
    I patted her face to wake her to no avail. "Fuck!" I cursed to myself.
    I considered leaving her fully clothed realising I couldn't leave her in soaking wet clothes. I tentatively pulled off her top averting my eyes. I pulled the t shirt over her head and she woke up looking at me and started rambling drunkenly, "you're so pretty, you know? You have beautiful eyes. I can't get those eyes out of my head, nope, I just can't. You know, I have feelings for you, don't you? Did you know that? Lex, Lex?!"
    She placed her index finger against her lips clumsily and said her tone exaggerated, "ssshhhh!!! Don't tell anyone! It's a secret!"
    I smiled at her drunkeness, "okay, definitely sleepy time for you! Stand up and take off your pants, you can't sleep in these". She giggled at my words and I chose to ignore her.
    She stood up and looked me in the eyes moving her head closer to mine. Her eyelids flicked down, her gaze switching quickly to my mouth then back to my eyes as she swayed drunkenly, "what if she dies Lex? What then?"
    "She won't! She just won't ok, you and her are meant to be. You won't lose her".
    She pulled me into a hug and held me tight, so tight I almost couldn't catch my breath. I stroked her back with my right hand in an attempt to soothe her. Her body was wracked with sobs.

    Eventually, her tears subsided and she raised her head looking at me with a tear stained face. She leaned her lips towards mine rapidly closing the distance between us. Her lips touched mine softly at first as if she was testing my reaction. I stood there frozen unsure what to do, my mind went blank as she took my lack of response as an invitation to continue. She leaned in further, her kiss firmer this time as her lips parted. My body was on fire, I had thought about this moment many times in my head. I let myself succumb to her. I let my lips part welcoming her kiss. Her scent made me light headed with desire.
    She pulled my body against hers and deepened our kiss. It was intoxicating and it made my head swim and my body ache for her like never before. I returned her kiss with matching fervor that left me breathless and dizzy.

    Realisation suddenly flooded my mind as I realised that what we were doing was wrong. She had a girlfriend, a girlfriend she both loved and adored, and I, I was just a symptom of her heartbreak. I was risking everything, our friendship, her relationship with Nat, for one night of sex which meant everything to me and nothing to her.

    That thought wounded me and whilst I was ok with the prospect of being used, I couldn't do that to Nat, I couldn't let Ellen do that to herself more importantly. I pulled away from her breathlessly, "no, I can't, we can't!" I said more forcefully, "this isn't what you want. You have a girlfriend who you love more than anything. I won't let you do this to her or yourself, or me for that matter. You're just upset that is all this is."
    She stepped back visibly shaking, "I'm sorry". She sobbed.
    "It's fine, just get into bed and sleep it off. It will all be clearer in the morning".
    She reached out her hand and touched my arm letting her fingers stroke my wrist, "please! Don't!" I whispered harshly moving away. Stunned by my reaction she stumbled backwards with a hurt expression on her face.
    My expression softened. "Just get into bed sweetheart, sleep it off".
    She obediently did as I said. She sat meekly on the large bed. My heart ached as I realised she looked so small, vulnerable and childlike perched on top of the comforter, fear now a permenant fixture in her eyes.

    I closed the bedroom door behind me and exhaled deeply. I walked quickly to my bedroom tears threatening my eyes. I closed the door firmly behind me falling back against it. My legs buckled from beneath me causing me to slide down its full length into a heap on the floor.
  20. Lexington

    Lexington Well-Known Member

    Jul 4, 2013
    Likes Received:
    I clutched my knees tight to my chest and I let my tears flow. I wondered how I could have let that happen. I wanted it, I thought to myself. The words, 'I'm a terrible friend' kept running on a loop around my head.

    My thoughts drifted back to that night at their place when Nat told me she knew how I felt. She was dropping hints then. Letting me know that Ellen would need me. She knew then that she might have huntingtons and she said nothing. She just wanted to be sure I would be there to pick up the peices. I suddenly felt angry at her. She used the fact I had feelings for Ellen to her own advantage she knew this would happen, she knew I would be here to console Ellen.
    I got up from the heap I found myself in and sat down at my desk. I pulled out my sketch book and started to draw. The only thing that calmed me down. I pulled my legs up to my chest and lost myself in my drawing. Time seemed to pass by in a blur as I became absorbed in my sketch book. The creak of my bedroom door shook me from my concentration. I turned to see Ellen stood in the doorway watching me nervously yet significantly more sober than before.
    "Hey". She spoke timidly.
    "Hey, can't sleep?" I asked softly.
    "I don't want to be alone, can I stay with you? Please?"
    I threw my sketch book down and stood up and pulled the covers on my bed back for her. "I'm just drawing anyway".

    "Thanks Lex". She spoke timidly.
    She climbed into my bed and I sat back into my chair at my desk, every cell in my body hyper aware of her presence.
    "Lex, will you hold me? Please?" She pleaded, tears streamed down her face and my resolve melted. I moved towards her and settled myself under the covers. I pulled her towards me breathing in her scent. She snaked her arms around my waist resting her head on my chest. She slipped her other hand under my t shirt, stroking the bare skin beneath it sending shivers through me.
    "Ellen, don't!"
    "I need you Lex, please?".
    She moved her hand up towards my breasts circling my nipple with her thumb. That one move sent shock waves through me. But I resisted moving her hand away, "El, please, stop, you have no idea what you're doing to me".

    She tilted her head upwards leaning closer to me, her lips milemeters away. She nuzzled my neck breathing me in deeply sending tingles throughme. She, kissed my neck softly, incessantly. She closed the gap touching her lips to mine softly. Her hand cupped the side of my face as she pulled me closer kissing me more firmly this time, "El please you aren't being fair!" I breathlessly uttered.
    I pushed myself up from the sheets and got out of the bed in an effort to put some distance between us. She reached out and took my hand kissing my palm tenderly. She pulled me towards her. I could almost hear her heartbeat as it pounded against her chest.
    "I need you Lex, please?".

    Follow link to deleted scene


    The next morning I woke and turned to find her silently getting dressed, she was leaving. Leaving without saying a word. She turned sensing me stir. Her eyes met mine registering the tears in my eyes, before she turned, her face blank as she closed the door and left.

    Tears brimmed in my eyes as I realised I had made a massive mistake. I tried in vain to push thoughts of what had happened to the back of my mind. I needed to forget what a terrible friend I had been. But I struggled to stop the delicious replay of what we had done and how good it had felt.
    Once i was dressed and had got a grip of myself, I decided to send Che a txt, if I couldn't have Ellen I decide to focus my energy on Che.

    "how was the date?"

    "It was fine, I had a nice night"

    "she still there?"

    "no Lex, I didn't come home with her, no chemistry"

    "Good! Can we talk later?"

    "yeah, sure. what about?"

    I ignored her question and simply typed, "I love you, see you later x"

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