Full Circle: Part 2

Discussion in 'Fiction' started by Lexington, Jul 15, 2013.

  1. Lexington

    Lexington Well-Known Member

    Jul 4, 2013
    Likes Received:
    Hi guys, invincible and I have decided to continue our thread here instead of tumblr, as we both hate it lol. So....here it is. We will eventually post a link to a PDF of the previous posts. New update to follow.
  2. Lexington

    Lexington Well-Known Member

    Jul 4, 2013
    Likes Received:
    Re: Full circle

    I sat in the lounge time seemingly escaping me. I had the Tv on but wasn't really watching it. I was overcome with a feeling of sadness at being alone in the big empty house I used to share with them, a house that was once so full of life. I stood up and went and sat on their bedroom on the floor.

    I was in a daze completely numb. Whilst sat crossed legged on the floor I spotted a blue metal box under the bed. I eyed it with suspicion for an hour or so wondering what might be inside. I finally climbed underneath the bed on my front using my elbows to drag myself closer to investigate the box and its contents. The space was tight but I managed to knock the box with my fingers. Once it was safely in my hands I squeezed myself from under the bed and settled back into my cross legged position on the floor. I turned the metal box over and over in my hands examining it closely realising it was locked.

    My mind raced as I wondered why my parents could possibly need a locked box in their own home. I looked around frantically for a key but to no avail. I placed the box down on the floor considering what to do next. Finally i unfolded myself from the cross legged podistion and went down to the garage the determination to open it taking over. I selected a chisel and a large hammer from the tool cabinet and returned to their bedroom turning over the tools in my hands nervously. Every noise from outside startled me as i felt like i was intruding on their privacy. I physically shook myself speaking aloud to the quiet empty room,

    "Get a fucking grip of yourself Lex, they're dead they don't care, they can't see, they can't hurt you now you bloody idiot!"

    My spoken words cemented my resolve as I placed the chisel carefully into the lock then raised the heavy hammer bringing it down full force onto the chisel. The lock disintegrated into a few separate parts leaving the box swinging free it's contents haphazardly strewn over the carpet.

    I sat transfixed for a few moments before I discarded the empty box and examined the contents closely. There was a large bundle of open handwritten letters addressed to my mum. They were tied together with a red slik ribbon, a vast array of foreign postage marks adorning their front. There was also a rather official looking letter from a private health clinic. A bank savings book. Some photographs and a letter with my name on the front in my dad's handwriting and a copy of their last will and testiment. I sat staring at the contents for a few moments. I took the letter from my dad in my hands and examined it. On the back of the envelope it had in very small letters "to be opened once I'm gone."

    I quickly re checked the contents of the box to see if Louise had a letter from him too but she didn't. My brow creased in confusion. I took the letter in my hands again allowing my fingers to graze its surface as if I expected its secrets to be unlocked at my touch. I carefully took my dads letter opener and opened it carefully noting its aged appearance. The envelope contained two pages of thick watermarked writing paper. It felt heavy in my hands as I turned them over taking in the scrolled handwriting. As I did so I wondered what secrets and lies the pages contained. I flattened the pages out my hands shaking as I read.

    "Dear Alexi,

    If you are reading this letter both your mother and I are no longer with you. This has been the hardest thing I have ever had to do but I feel it is only fair to explain myself fully and frankly. You deserve so much more, but I'm afraid I'm just not strong enough.

    Firstly I want to apologise for the way in which I treated you, of which I can never forgive myself. The abuse you were subjected to at my hands is unforgivable and inexcusable. However, I think it only fair that you are made aware of the reason for my appalling behaviour.

    About a year before you were born your mother and I were having some problems. We had drifted apart and she took interest in another man. I do not blame her for this as it was my behaviour that drove her to seek the solace of another mans arms. I hope and pray you do not think badly of her for it. The mans name was Alexander and he was a soldier.

    They continued their affair for sometime without my knowledge. Your mother became pregnant with you I was overjoyed at the thought of having another child and your mother and I begun to work on our relationship.

    Alex then went on a tour of duty. He would send her letters which she told me were from her friend Sally who was the wife of a soldier living abroad. I therefore did not question the airmail postmark. Your mothers behaviour gradually became more and more suspicious so one day I opened her mail. It was from him, in it, he thanked her for the pictures of little Alexi and even commented on how much you looked like your mother. I was heartbroken at the thought you may not be my child and I confronted your mother about it

    She told me that there was a good chance that you were Alex's child and begged me to forgive her. I had brought you up for two years thinking you were mine and was crushed at the possibility that you could be another mans child. I promised myself it wouldn't make a difference but inside I couldn't reconcile the fact my wife had been unfaithful to me and that you were the result of that deceit.

    You served as a constant reminder to me at how I had failed as a father and a husband. You were an innocent child and did not deserve it. I want you to know that I do love you very much and that it was my deep love and desire for you to be my child as well as my weakness as a man that caused me to treat you differently to Louise. It was your grandfather that made me see the error of my ways and for that I shall be forever in his debt.

    This is not the way I want you to discover the truth but I couldn't face seeing the look in your eyes if we were to tell you face to face. I begun to see that even if you weren't my child genetically you were every bit my daughter in every possible way. I know given the fact you are reading this letter you will no doubt be middle aged with a family of your own and that you should have found out the truth long ago. I have to trust in you that you are strong enough to deal with this new found knowledge, you were always the strongest of all my children. I love you dearly Alexi and I hope you can somehow find it in your heart to forgive me,

    All my love always,

    Your father."
  3. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member

    Jul 2, 2013
    Likes Received:
    Re: Full circle

    Thanks for continuing to post here
  4. Just Me

    Just Me Well-Known Member

    Jul 4, 2013
    Likes Received:
    Re: Full circle

    Damn. I don't even know what to think of that one...

    Thanks for keeping up with the story ladies :)
  5. halfconfused

    halfconfused Well-Known Member

    Jul 5, 2013
    Likes Received:
    Re: Full circle

    Thanks for the update!

  6. ctrpillar

    ctrpillar Member

    Jul 3, 2013
    Likes Received:
    Re: Full circle

    The site seems to be home but doesn't feel like it yet.
    This thread being back makes it feel more like it used to be.

    Thank you for keeping us updated!
  7. Snow

    Snow Member

    Jul 5, 2013
    Likes Received:
    Re: Full circle

    thankss for the update xD although i've alrdy expected it to be like this :D cant wait till next chapter, very touching indeed
  8. Littlel69

    Littlel69 Active Member

    Jul 12, 2013
    Likes Received:
    Re: Full circle

    Now that my eyes have finally adjusted to this ... new site...

    So happy that the story continues and Wow Lex... your life (fiction or not)... i dont even have any words, i am just in awe.
  9. Lexington

    Lexington Well-Known Member

    Jul 4, 2013
    Likes Received:
    Re: Full circle

    I sat staring at the page tears streaming down my face as for the second time in as many days my world had just fallen around me. Everything I thought I knew was gone and everything I thought I was, were lies. I was filled with an intense anger that bubbled in my stomach radiating out to my limbs. My body flushed hot then cold my hands shaking intensely. I hated him a large part of me was glad he was gone. I hated him more for making me feel that way about another person. After what felt like hours in my catatonic state I turned my head towards the bundle of letters. I picked them up and held them tightly in my hands.

    I felt a heaviness settle over me as I thought of Louise and how if all this were true that she wasn't really my full sister and that I was a mongrel that had no family to speak of. I felt more alone than I ever had before in my life. But everything had fallen into place, the subtle differences in the way the man I thought was my father treated me compared to Louise the abuse that only I suffered. And all along I thought that was because he had guessed I was gay.

    I picked up the letters and spent the rest of the night reading them and getting to know the man who was my supposed real father. One of the letters contained a photograph of a young man in army fatigues. He was a very handsome man with an army haircut dark hair and my eyes. I sat and stared at the picture for a long time looking at this man I didn't know but whom seemed so very familiar to me. Tears sprung from my eyes, a million thoughts flooding my head. Why did he leave me with that monster i thought was my father, why didn't he try to know me. where was he now?

    I placed the photograph to one side and continued to read the letters. He talked about how proud he was of me and about how pleased he was to see me the last time he was home all the air in my lungs suddenly without warning evacuated my lungs at the shock of what I had just read. I wracked my brains but couldn't remember. I finally got to the last letter that was written in somebody else's hand. It was from a friend of Alex's who served with him and contained a copy of his will.

    He wrote how sorry he was about what happened to Alex and that he had asked him to write to my mum in the event that something should happen to him to tell her how much Alex idolised and loved me and her.

    A lump developed in my throat as I took in the knowledge that he was gone too. Lost to me forever along with the burning questions firing around my head.

    He also talked about the savings account he had set up for me that he had paid into and that if he was killed in the line of duty any compensation was to be paid into it along with his death pension. He also said that if anything was to ever happen to him he wanted me to have his Harley Davidson motorbike.

    I sat up tears streaming down my face, I never knew him and i’d never get the chance to find out where i came from. I thought of the pristine Harley sat in the garage downstairs that the man I thought was my dad never rode or let us touch. I thought back to the time I sat and admired it tears overspilling my eyes. He came in and screamed at me to get away from it, it all suddenly made perfect sense.

    I went back to the contents of the box and opened the official complicated looking letter. It contained a detailed DNA test which confirmed that Craig was not my real father and Alex was. I then picked up the last letter the one which I learned about Alex's death. It was written by a Geoff Kearns and it had his address underneath. I decided that I might pay him a visit, at least get some questions answered.

    I curled up on the floor and cried myself to sleep holding my real dads photograph. I'd lost 3 parents and a sister in the space of two days. my whole world had been turned upside down and I was filled with anger sadness and despair.

    I eventually unfolded myself and went downstairs. I went into the garage and stood looking at the motorbike it was beautiful and so well looked after.

    I thought back to Sunday nights when my father or should I say Craig sat for hours polishing and cleaning the bike he never rode. I always found it strange that he paid such special attention to something he never took out for a ride. Then it hit me, he was taking care of my inheritance from my real father in his mind it must have been his way of easing the guilt he felt for treating me differently. I was so angry at all of them for leaving me alone with all these questions and nobody to answer them. I didn't know how I was ever going to begin to tell Louise. I decided I would wait until after the funeral before I even thought about telling her. I tried my best to hide my feelings about what I had discovered but I found it difficult and my feelings would often spill out. I treated Che, the one person I was closest too badly and at best I kept her at arms length. As much as I loved her she knew me too well and having her near was again a stark reminder of everything I was so desperately trying to avoid dealing with.

    My sister and I received a copy of my parents will from their solicitor, a will I had already seen in the contents of the locked box. We were named as sole beneficiaries of my parents estate. We were each to receive a 50% share of the house, the restaurant, the funds in their accounts, and the life insurance policies.

    I got my fathers Ducati and Louise got my mums jewellery. I felt empty, I didn't want the money I just wanted them back not because i wanted them but because i wanted rid of the unwanted feelings of guilt and above all else I wanted answers, answers to the many questions that were consuming me.

    After I read the papers I threw them in the draw. A few days had passed and I'd gotten the insurance for my dads motorbike changed over to my name. Che had called and texted me a few times but I didn't get back to her I just couldn't face it.

    She called again and I declined the call. I grabbed my jacket, keys and my bike helmet and headed out to the garage to 'my' bikes. They were beautiful I walked around them both in turn and admired them then let my fingers brush the paint work. I took the Ducati outside as I couldn't bring myself to ride the Harley. I Sat on it and put my helmet on and started her up, I could feel the power and I took strength from it.

    Excitement flowed through me as I revved the engine hearing it roar. Louise pulled up onto the driveway in the car with Che as I prepared to take off. They shouted to me, "Lex, we've been calling you....."

    I didn't hear what else they had to say I didn't want to. I slammed down my visor and took off pretty fast. I didn't know where I was going I just rode and fast. It was stupid and reckless but I didn't care it made me feel better somehow to engage in dangerous behaviour.

    I went to a gay bar my friend Alice said she would be at. Alice was a bit of a wild child, slept around a lot, took drugs and drank to excess but she was fun, laid back and easy going. She didn't ask too many deep questions which was what i needed. I locked my bike up around back and headed in. I spotted Al sitting with two girls talking away animatedly, I walked over and she jumped up stopped her annecdote and gave me a hug, "Lex, it's so good to see you, meet my friends....this is Claire and Vic"

    Claire was tall and leggy with fiery red hair and a milky complexion with captivating green eyes. Vic was almost her complete opposite, short and curvy with long raven black hair and steely blue evasive eyes.

    I forced a smile to my face and said hi to her friends then I sat at the bar with them and ordered myself a straight double vodka with ice and a slice. I downed it with ease and asked the barmaid to keep them coming. It wasn't long before I was pretty drunk and lost in an emotionless haze. I was sat with them, but strangely on my own not engaging in their conversation. I had cut myself off from my emotions as i felt that was safer, I didn't feel as vulnerable that way.

    I went outside for a cigarette, the cool evenings breeze welcomed me into the dimly lit alleyway. I was leaning on the wall deep in my own thoughts when Claire came outside. She smiled at me her eyes fluttering closed as she focused her gaze on her shoes nervously. She leaned against the wall next to me feigning confidence her arms ever so lightly touching mine. There was a definite tension in the air and I wondered how long it would take her to gain the confidence to speak. I smiled to my self thinking that I must be intimidating to her. She eventually met my gaze tentatively, smiling warmly, "Can I bum one?"

    I held out the pack and flicked the bottom so she could grab one. I placed my cigarette in my mouth and rummaged in my pockets for my lighter. she grinned at me, "ah dont worry about that". she spoke eyes burning into mine as she leaned in close the ciggarette i had given her placed between her lips. she lit hers against mine her eyes flicked up to mine intensely holding my gaze as if she had been overcome with a sudden burst of confidence. I wondered absently which part of her was an act, the shy reserved nervous side or the confident flirtatious side? As she leaned forward I was overcome with a heady seductive scent, she smelled amazing. She stepped back a little but remained quite close, "thanks."

    I nodded and stared out into the darkness taking a long drag on my cigarette then exhaled deeply as she continued to stare at me as if she was trying to work me out, "you've got this whole dark and brooding thing going on."

    I still hadn't said a lot to her at this point. I turned to her briefly, raised my eyebrows took another drag of my cigarette and let the faintest of smirks touch my lips as I exhaled and spoke, "you've no idea."

    "I like it though". She smirked, "it's kinda hot!"

    we made small talk or rather she talked non stop and i listened. We finished our cigarettes and I was about to turn around and head back inside when she blocked my path and lunged herself at me taking hold of my jacket with both hands and pulled me towards her. She kissed me deeply and eagerly causing my head to spin. She eventually pulled away and said with a smirk, "you coming back in?"

    "yeah." I said my voice husky and somewhat taken a back

    We went back inside and carried on drinking. It got late and Al sat back on her bar stool stretching, "so, do you guys want to come back to mine for more drinks or whatever?."

    I smiled and told her more drink was exactly what I needed. We got a taxi to Alice's place. We drank a lot more, then Al brought out a bag of coke and started to set up lines on a mirror. She took out a small bag of blue straws and I watched with avid fascination. I'd never taken coke before the hardest drug i’d ever done was cannabis.

    I'd usually say no to hard drugs but had no problem with others who chose to do so. Alice took a line then handed a new straw to me. I hesitated, then thought what the hell, it couldn't possibly make me feel any worse. I took the straw and the mirror and took the lines she offered me like I'd seen her do.

    I felt numb at first then it started to feel amazing as the euphoria traveled through my body. I felt better than I had in ages it was the rush I needed.
  10. OutofAfrica

    OutofAfrica Active Member

    Jul 18, 2013
    Likes Received:
    Re: Full circle

    Only way to get me to slog on, and I do mean slog on, is to comment on your post.
    A million thank yous as otherwise, believe I'd abandon this site. Wonderfully raw and well written.
    I feel rather spoiled having two posts in two days! Can we have another one?
  11. Littlel69

    Littlel69 Active Member

    Jul 12, 2013
    Likes Received:
    Re: Full circle

    Oh plz plz can we have another!?!?!?!
  12. Lexington

    Lexington Well-Known Member

    Jul 4, 2013
    Likes Received:
    Re: Full circle

    Claire came over to me sat on my lap straddling me her long legs wrapped around me. Her eyes locked with mine and a smirk slowly crept up on to her face making her bright green eyes twinkle. Her gaze flicked quickly down to my mouth then refocussed, searching my eyes for slightest sign of encouragement. She leant in tentatively at first exhaling deeply as her lips touched mine.

    The coke seemed to make everything feel better, everything was so much more intense, every single sensation in my body was magnified causing me to examine each one in depth.

    My eyes went wide as leaned back her top riding up eve so slightly exposing the muscles along the waistband of her trousers. she smoothly and seamlessly removed her top in a fluid motion. My eyes traveled over her body taking in its every curve hungrily. I reache out my hands and grasped her hips pulling her closer to me. We became lost in each others bodies and it wasn't long before it escalated to sex.

    I didn't even care that Vic and Alice were in the same room, it just felt so unbelievably good, I couldn't seem to get enough of her..

    Claire put a tablet into her mouth and smiled broadly at me, ‘’It’s an E, want one?’’

    She placed the tablet in my mouth and it wasn't long before an added feeling of happiness and euphoria flooded over me. The rest of the night passed by in a drug fuelled haze. As Al continued to offer a variety of drugs as if they were sweets. Al cranked up the music and we danced and drank into the small hours.

    I woke up the next morning in the middle of a strange bed. I rolled over slightly and saw Vic lying next to me, I gingerly lifted my head off the pillow then noticed Claire was lying on the other side of me her arm and leg draped over me. I lay there for a while then gently lifted the covers up and stole a quick glance underneath realising that both girls were completely naked as was I. I mentally face palmed myself as I unfolded each girl off me careful not to wake them and got out of bed. I pulled on my disguarded t-shirt and pants and made my way to the kitchen rubbing my aching fuzzy head. Alice was coming out of her room at that exact moment, "hey."

    She smiled broadly at me at my tentative expression, "that was one crazy night huh?"

    A tall muscular goodlooking dark haired guy with designer stubble and a dangerous look about him followed her out of her room leaving her question unanswered. He had an Irish lilt to his voice as he smiled at me and nodded to the bedroom i had come from, ‘’Loving your work’’. He jibed.

    He winked at me then turned to Al kissed her deeply her small frame appearing doll like in his grasp. He gripped her tightly drawing her towards him before placing her gently back on her feet. He leaned his mouth close to her ear and said in a hushed tone I could only just make out, ‘’I had fun last night, don’t leave it too long before you call me again Alice’’.

    she nodded and kissed him back deeply. he turned back to me, ‘’See you later Lex the legde’’. And with that he closed the front door behind him. We both watched the door shut then I turned my attention back to Al.

    I looked at Al my eyes still weary from sleep, ‘’Who is he, what is he talking about, and when did he join the party? and why are they both in bed with me?"

    she laughed, "That was Irish Connor, just a guy i call sometimes. I called him after you decided you didn't want to share with me and took both of them to bed with you.’’

    At my confused expression she giggled and added, ‘’dude? You don't remember?"

    "not entirely, no, there are flashes of things" I waved my hand in the air to indicate that it was all a bit muddled.

    I pointed towards the bedroom, "did I..........with both of them? Together?!"

    she started to laugh, "Lex my friend.....you’re my fucking hero. There is no doubt in my mind judging by the noises coming from that room that you did the nasty with both of them, in there". She pointed to the bedroom and laughed.

    "You also did it, there, there and erm......there!" She pointed to a number of locations finally sniggering.

    I sat down at the kitchen table and slowly it all started flooding back. I buried my head in my hands and mentally shook my head at myself. she sat leaning against the kitchen counter hugging her coffee cup looking and giggling at me as i spoke aloud, "did she?.......then I?......shiiiiit!"

    Alice started laughing placed her cup on the table and started eating her cereal, she waved her spoon in the air, "there it is.....all coming back?"

    I nodded, "bloody good night though hey?" She exclaimed.

    I started to laugh and shook myself, ‘’Do we know an English connor?’’

    She frowned, ‘’No, why?’’

    ‘’Because you called him Irish connor so i assumed there must be another connor of a different nationality for you to use his place of birth as a differentiating characteristic, no?’’

    She stared at me mouth slightly agape, ‘’Jesus, you're even all wordy when hungover. And no there isn’t another connor it’s just what Lisa and I call him’’.

    I nodded, "you share him?" I shook myself realising it was a question with an obvious answer, "nevermind".

    She stood smirking at me.

    "Al, I have to go get my bike. She pushed herself off the counter discarding her half eaten cereal bowl, "come on I'll drive you."

    I motioned to the bedroom where Claire and Vic still laid sleeping, "what about them?"

    she laughed, "mate after what you three did last night they'll be sleeping until tonight"

    I groaned with embarrassment as more occurrences came rushing back. Alice laughed as we grabbed our jackets and walked out the door to her car. I got to my bike and hugged Alice goodbye and drove home. I walked into the empty house went upstairs and there sitting on my bed was Che. I asked her what she was doing there, "I've been worried sick about you, do you know what horrible thoughts have been going through my head all night the speed you took off yesterday?"

    I looked at her, "oh I think I have a fair idea!"

    it was a cheap shot but I was in no mood, "the funeral is on Friday by the way."

    I stopped, coming back to earth with a bump, "great." I said sarcastically.

    I hit the shower then came back to my room wrapped in a towel, Che was still there, "why are you still here? I’ve been horrible to you since we got back and you, you just keep coming back for more?"

    she looked at me with tears in her eyes, "because I love you ......I love you so much it fucking hurts! And it kills me watching you destroy yourself like this. That's why I keep coming back"

    I looked at her, "I'm no good for you right now, Christ I'm no good for myself." I said my voice dropping with anger and bitterness.

    I kept going out every night after that drinking taking drugs and picking up random mostly straight girls and taking them home. Anonymous sex seemed to be the only thing that helped keep the grief at bay. It gave me a sense of control that i didn’t have over the rest of my life and i loved the feeling, it was exhilarating and exciting knowing i could get these girls to do whatever i wanted. I knew the fact i enjoyed the challenge of going out and picking up straight girls was an issue stemming from my childhood and the things my dad had done to me. He was so fiercely controlling of me and the minute he was gone i felt like the only way to feel normal was to take the control back. And for a while it worked perfectly and i had fun doing it.

    As the day of the funerals was fast approaching I did everything I could to numb the grief and anger I felt building inside.
  13. Snow

    Snow Member

    Jul 5, 2013
    Likes Received:
    Re: Full circle

    xDDD awesomeee i loveee you guys !!!!! thanks you :D cant wait till next update
  14. Lexington

    Lexington Well-Known Member

    Jul 4, 2013
    Likes Received:
    Re: Full circle


    The day of the funeral arrived. I woke up in someone else's bed lying next to a girl who's name I didn't remember, my arm trapped underneath her. I was suffering severely from a drink and drug fuelled hangover. My head was fuzzy and it felt like a troop of river dancers with pneumatic drills had set up camp there. I quickly checked my watch and registered that it was only 8am I had until 3pm to get myself looking presentable for the funeral. I gently tried to free my arm without waking the girl. After a few minutes of struggling I was free. I got dressed quietly grabbed my keys and without waking the girl I headed back to the bar where I'd left my motorbike.

    I finally got home and Louise was sitting at the kitchen table nursing a cup of coffee I tried to creep past without arousing her suspicion. She shouted me in and my heart sank at the thought of the lecture that I knew was imminent, "Lex, where the fuck have you been?"

    I laughed in spite of myself still heavily hungover, "I have no fucking idea!"

    "we've all been worried sick, you should have told someone you weren't coming home. What have you been doing?"

    I didn't answer waiting until I knew she had finished her rant. She paused as if taking in my appearance for the first time, "Jesus....you look like shit!"

    I told her, "I didn't think there would be anyone here to tell, you don't live here remember Lou.......you live with Clark, I'm here on my own, all the time! So who am I meant to tell? And thanks for the sisterly love, but you ain't looking so hot yourself!"

    she told me to sit down so I did, "Lex, I'm sorry, I didn't realise I was......that you were lonely. But you've got to stop this, the drinking and drugs and the girls. It's not going to help, it's not good for you."

    I stood up, "you have no idea what’s good for me and it helps better than sitting here in their house, surrounded by their things, and all our memories of them, it's suffocating."

    I sighed in defeat shrugging my shoulders, "Look Lou, I'm not doing this with you right now. I'm going to take a shower."

    I stood in the shower cubicle and let the hot water wash over me. I hated feeling like this. I was filled with a mixture of hurt, loneliness, vulnerability and anger and I longed for the time when the funeral was out of the way and I could get out of it again. it seemed to be the only thing that made me feel less broken and more alive, it was the only time i felt that i could connect with any kind of feelings.

    I sat on my bed in my underwear staring into space with all kinds of things flying through my head. Che appeared in my doorway leaning against the doorframe watching me. she pushed herself off and walked purposefully over to me reaching out to touch my face tenderly, "you getting dressed love? the cars will be here soon"

    her voice snapped me from my daze and I looked at her and smiled, "you’re here." Relief washed over me, i was so glad to see her.

    She smiled putting her arms around me pulling me up towards her, "of course I'm here babe where else would I be? Now get dressed."

    She turned, smiled again waved her hand over my body, "I don't think the priest could take too much of this........Christ I don't think I could either."

    I laughed for what felt like the first time in ages. I took hold of her hand as she went to walk away and held it up to my face kissing her soft palm, "will you come in the car with me?"

    she put her other hand on my head, "whatever you need Lex, i’m here for you ok?"

    She bent down and kissed the top of my head stroking my hair, "now get dressed, you’re dangerous like that."

    I gave her what she took to be a seductive look and she laughed, "Not now, you! You're such a bad influence on me!"

    I grinned, "leave me to get dressed then you pervert........ Loitering in doorways.........is there nothing you won't do to see me naked?"

    I was rewarded by a hearty laugh from her as she closed my door. I looked up at the black dress hanging on my wardrobe door and was reminded of the last time I had to put on black clothes.

    Memories of my granddad’s funeral flooded back. I heard my mum’s voice telling me to stop being so insolent and get dressed I wished more than anything to hear her say those words to me now. I started to well up and the tears began to flow.

    I pushed those thoughts to the back of my mind and forced myself to get dressed. I put my jacket on checked myself in the mirror grabbed my keys, wallet and ray bans to cover my red puffy eyes. Thankfully it was a sunny day so I wouldn't look like a wannabe rock star.

    I walked downstairs and stood in the kitchen. we went outside as the hurst and cars pulled up. The sight of coffins made bile rise to my throat and I ran to the bathroom to be sick. It was the thought of what was in the coffins, I nervously held my mums mangled rings that I'd put in my pocket. I just couldn't shake the sick feeling. I finally came out the bathroom and put on my sunglasses and got in the car. Che sat next to me and held my hand. Louise, Clark and my uncle took the other car.

    We pulled up to the church that my parents and Louise and Clark had gotten married in. We went into the church and Clark my uncle and my cousins Jay, Ben, David, and Ste all stayed outside to carry the coffins with the funeral directors. Louise and I sat at the front and Che sat next to me holding my hand tightly. The church was filled with white lilies and roses, the perfume of them filled the church and mingled with the smell of holy water and church candles. I turned to Louise, "the flowers are lovely, did you choose them?"

    "yeah, Che and I chose them, we picked out the coffins and the hymns.....you, well you weren't around to ask." There was a resentful tone to her voice

    I took her hand and squeezed it and told her I was sorry. She gave me a half hearted smile and let go of my hand and said, "Che's going to do a eulogy too I didn't think that either of us could do it."

    I silently nodded. Che's eulogy was beautiful, it was all lies but it was what people wanted to hear. As she sat back down I grabbed her hand and squeezed it thanking her. We headed to the wake where I was inundated with people offering me their condolences, it was exhausting and I wondered if it was for me that they offered their hollow sorry’s or for themselves. Their words meant nothing to me as they waxed lyrical about what good people my parents were. I was overcome with the need to scream at them that my parents were selfish arse holes who only cared about themselves. I wanted to tell them all about what they had done, and what they had kept from me. I was in no mood to hear how great my parents were I was still so very angry with them.

    Che seemed to sense my annoyance and held my hand as she met my gaze, ‘’They’re just trying to make it easier for themselves Lex, they didn’t know what he was like, they didn’t know he was an evil bastard, I’m here for you ok?’’

    I nodded tears threatening my eyes as i met hers so full of love for me. She pulled me into an embrace and murmured words of comfort in my ear. I felt so safe and protected there in her arms I felt like I never wanted to leave. I knew the best thing for me to do in the long run would be to stay with Che and deal with everything but I couldn’t bring myself to do it.

    She pulled away slightly and kissed my forehead, ‘’Do you want me to stay with you tonight?’’

    I shook my emotions off and built my walls back up, ‘’No, I’m meeting Ky we are going out for drinks.’’

    She eyed me her expression etched with worry and disappointment, ‘’Ok sweetheart. Well let me know if theres anything I can do or you need me for any reason ok? My phone’s always on’’.

    I kept looking at the clock and willing the minutes away hoping for it to be over so I could leave.

    Everyone had finally left. I got showered and dressed and went out. It was still relatively early and I met up with some friends. We got really drunk and then decided to head back to mine to continue the night. We were sat drinking and my friend packed a bowl and we all got high. It was a great night it helped me forget the proceedings of the day. I woke up in bed with jay and started to panic I gingerly lifted the duvet and was relieved that I was thankfully fully clothed and so was he. He woke up too, "we didn't......did we?" I shuddered, "No!"

    he laughed, "I wouldn't be adverse to it though."

    I chucked a pillow at him and he laughed. I got up and headed to the kitchen for breakfast.

    Later on We were sitting watching tv just hanging out. My friend Kyle came back in, "your neighbour just called me a fucking queer!" I laughed and shrugged, "that's nothing mate he knocked on the door the other day and said my homosexual behaviours were going to lower the house prices!"

    we all started laughing then got high again. Ky got on the phone and winked at me, "hey, dave. Yeah, we are all at Lex's place smoking. Yeah, come round Lex won't mind. Listen mate, her neighbours a homophobe, i’ll explain when you get here. Can you do me a favour and bring those bags I left at yours?.......great, see you later".

    he got off the phone and started giggling and said he was going to teach that homophobic **** a lesson. Dave turned up with 4 massive bags of rainbow coloured ping pong balls. Ky started giggling again and went out front. The neighbour had left the car window open and Ky poured in the ping pong balls.

    They filled the car to the bottom of the window. He came running back in giggling and we all fell about laughing then went outside to take pictures. Dave was looking out into my garden when we returned to the house, "hey, Lex, when did you get a dog?"

    I gave him a confused expression, "mate, I don't have a dog."

    "well I must be tripping then because there is a really white fluffy one in your garden?"

    I jumped up and looked into the garden, "ah that little shite has dug under the fence again!"

    ky started to giggle again, "we should totally turn that dog into a rainbow!"

    we all started to laugh. I went into the kitchen and took out a variety of gel food colourings the really strong ones that you use for cakes that if you get on your hands it stains them for weeks. I handed them to ky along with some cooked sausage and some latex gloves I used for washing the bathroom, "knock yourself out mate!"

    he lured the dog in and put him in the bath and turned him into a rainbow! We then fashioned him a unicorn horn out of some card and string. We were all still really high and we went into the garden and lifted the fence panel out an put him back in his garden after taking pictures (no dogs were harmed in this process) we fell back onto the sofa giggling.

    Dave had gone tk the off license to pick up more beer and came rushing back into the house panicked. "guys......the police just pulled up next door!" We all scrambled to hide the drugs and spray the room with air freshener opening every window and door to let the smell of pot out.

    Half an hour passed and we all froze at the sound of knocking on the door. We all looked at eachother panic stricken. I finally got up the courage to open the door. A tall guy in full police uniform stood on the doorstep, "Ms James?"

    I shifted my weight slightly and opened the door, "eerrm yeah, that's me, come in.......what can we errr do for you officer?"

    The police officer cleared his throat and said the neighbour had made a complaint that we turned his dog multicoloured.

    We all struggled to hold back the giggles including the policeman. He managed to compose himself and asked if we knew anything about it.

    I smiled broadly at him then fixed my face into a serious expression, "no officer, I would never turn his dog into a gay unicorn but if I had, it would most definitely be because he called my friend a fucking queer and told me my being gay was going to affect house prices!"

    the policeman stifled a laugh again, "right well, nobody mentioned anything about a unicorn". He smiled trying to keep his composure. He glanced at the table and took in the unicorn horn prototype then glamced back at me a smile spreading accross his face. "Well, just make sure you inform us next time instead of taking matters into your own hands, you kids have a good night and I'll speak to them about the homophobic slurs."

    We shut the door and fell into fits of laughter. Ky then said, "you know what that means, hey?"

    we all looked at him expectantly, "They haven't found the rainbow in their car yet!"

    we all started laughing again. but were interrupted when Louise called the house phone I picked up the receiver, "Lou, we totally need to sell the house!"

    Hi Lex, why? Where are you going to stay?"

    "we might have turned the neighbours dog into a gay unicorn!"

    she started laughing, "you did what?"

    "we turned Buster into a rainbow coloured unicorn, oh and we filled their car with rainbow ping pong balls!"

    she laughed, "oh my god, why?"

    "he called us fucking queers and said we were lowering the house prices!"

    she started laughing, "remind me never to get on your bad side. We can speak to an estate agent tomorrow if you want, if you're serious."

    We got the house valued and put it on the market the following week.

    i decided I wasn't going to tell Louise about the contents of the letter he wrote. But the universe had other ideas. Louise came around to help sort through our parents stuff so we had a head start If the house was to sell quickly. We were sat on their bed going through their things and Louise looked up at me slightly uncertain, "I've been thinking, you know the wills?"

    I nodded whilst absent mindedly flicking through old photographs. She continued, "well there was no mention of the Harley, dad left the Ducati to you but the Harley wasn't mentioned so I was thinking that if you didn't mind Clark could have it?" I said rather quickly and aggressively, "No! The Harley is mine!" she looked at me clearly taken back by my tone, "no Lex, it was dads.... you got the Ducati, I think Clark should have it"

    I looked at her and saw determination in her eyes and decided the only way was to tell her "look I didn't want to do this but you've pretty much forced my hand." I went to my room, took the metal box containing the letters and other documents and took it through to Louise. I placed it on the bed next to her, "go on, open it!"

    she opened it and I took out the letter and handed it to her, she read it and halfway through tears started to roll down her cheeks.

    She finished reading and looked up at me, "Lex, I'm....I......I don't know what to say."

    I snapped at her, "you don't have to say anything."

    I grabbed the letter and shoved it back in the envelope.

    She looked up at me eyes uncertain, ‘’Are you going to look for him?’’

    I then took the letter Alex's friend had wrote to my mum and handed it to Louise. She read it and soon her hand was over her mouth and the tears continued to flow. She finished reading and laid the letter down and looked at me pity in her eyes. I grabbed the box and started stuffing the contents back inside frantically, "so the Harley, it's mine, it's about all I have of him so no, Clark can’t have it!"

    she then added, "why didn't you tell me?"

    I looked at her somewhat defeated, "I didn't know how to, I barely had chance to get my own head around it."

    She reached into the box and pulled out the photographs of Alex and held the one of him in Army fatigues and one of him holding me as a baby. She examined the photos and looked up at me eyes bloodshot, "you look like him Lex."

    I started to cry, "you're already looking at me differently I'm still your sister even if it's only half."

    She took me in her arms and said in a choked voice, "you are still my sister, full stop!"

    she then stroked my hair, "I'm so sorry they kept this from you, I'm so sorry. But it doesn't change a thing, you hear me?"

    I nodded and I felt relief wash over me, "are you going to look for his family? You could have other brothers and sisters, grandparents, uncles and aunts?"

    I shook my head, "got all the family I need here haven't I?"

    she told me that if I ever did decide to that she wouldn't be upset. I tried my best to forget it all but it was a constant struggle.
  15. Rooney2006

    Rooney2006 Member

    Jul 11, 2013
    Likes Received:
    Re: Full circle

    Thanks for the updates. they are the only reason I come to this website now
  16. Lexington

    Lexington Well-Known Member

    Jul 4, 2013
    Likes Received:
    Re: Full circle


    Charlie and I had been exchanging E mails regularly since after my parents funerals. Receiving her E mails was rapidly becoming the one part of my week I looked forward to the most.

    I sat down at my laptop and heard the familiar ping to notify me I had mail. I felt my excitement grow as it always did when I got a new message from her. I missed her dearly and eagerly clicked on the message to open it. She told me all about her week and included some funny anecdotes of things that had happened. she then said that she had leave owing to her from work and
    that she was thinking of coming to visit me if I fancied a house guest. Anticipation surged through me as I quickly grabbed my phone glancing once at the clock noting it would be the middle of the night there. I assured myself she wouldn't care and I continued to dial her number. She answered after four rings. She said with her voice groggy from sleep, "Hello? Lex!? is that you?" Hearing her voice again was great and a sense of calm settled over me as it triggered memories of the days and nights we spent together.

    I laughed, "Still as stunning as ever when you wake up. Of course its me who else would be ringing you at this time of night?"

    she sighed, "yeah, fair one!"

    "I got your E mail, of course I want you to stay with me, when are you coming?"

    she laughed, "Every fucking day, hopefully!"

    I smiled into the receiver as I settled myself back into , "I've really missed you!"

    she sighed and I could tell she was smiling when she spoke, "missed you too. I was thinking of next week if it’s not too short notice?"

    "No, I can't wait, Email me your flight details when you have them and i'll pick you up from the airport, yeah?".

    "Great, can't wait to see you. and Lex......"

    "yeah?" I replied.

    "Love you!"

    I smiled, "love you too mate".

    I hung up the phone the smile still firmly on my face. The next day Charlie E mailed me her flight details and I made plans to pick her up. I was sat in my kitchen eating lunch with my laptop open at Charlies E mail. I wondered how I was possibly going to tell Che I would be having a house guest. I knew she wouldn't take it well, she always got stiff and curt whenever Charlie's name was mentioned. As luck would have it she chose that moment to knock on my door. I let the laptop go into sleep mode as I went to open the door. She walked in an enquiring smile on her face, "what’s with the for sale sign?"

    "Louise and I are selling, I want my own place. I don't want to be reminded of them in every room".

    She nodded, "what are you up to today?"

    I said almost too quickly, "nothing".

    she smiled looked at the laptop, "what are you hiding?"

    i scrambled for an excuse and said the only thing that came into my head, "Porn!"

    she looked at me slightly confused. I scrambled for words frantically eventually I added, "I'm watching porn, so I wouldn't if I was you, it's the really dirty kind, you'd hate it".

    she looked at me skeptically and tilted her head slightly, "You're watching porn and eating a sandwhich? You hate porn, you think its the least sexy thing EVER!"

    she quickly reached for the laptop grinning. Up popped Charlies E mail. She stood and read the contents while I rubbed my head and prepared myself for the onslaught. She turned and looked at me and said in almost a whisper, "She’s coming here?"

    I nodded. she went quiet a pained expression settling on her face, "is she staying with you? here? In your bed, with you?"

    I shifted my weight from one foot to the other nervously, "She’s staying here, yes, but not in my bed, I do have a spare room".

    She laughed in spite of herself, "Don’t insult my intelligence Lex. we both know what you two will be getting up to".

    I shook my head anger rising in me, "whatever we get up to is really nothing to do with you! In Case you have forgotten you don't want me! so you don’t really get a say as to who I choose to share my bed with or not".

    She went silent for a moment then finally spoke, "I'm sorry you’re right, it’s really nothing to do with me. As long as you’re happy, as long as she makes you happy".

    I turned towards her, "look Charlie and I aren't in a relationship, she is just a good friend who means alot to me. She isn’t your enemy".

    Che looked out of the window, "Suppose this means I get to meet her then?"

    I smiled my expression softening, "only if you promise to play nice?"

    she nodded, "only because it’s you asking".

    I put my arm around her and pulled her into a hug, "Thank you".

    It was the night before Charlie was due to arrive and I was so excited, I couldn't wait to see her. My friends Alice, Jo, Lisa and Che had come round for dinner along with Louse. We all sat around the kitchen table trying to decide what to order.

    "So what delectable delights do you have instore for us tonight Lex?" Jo asked.

    I smiled as grabbed a load of takeaway menus fanned them out and placed them on the table, "I have Chinese, Italian, Indian, Mexican, and Greek to offer you?"

    Jo smiled rolled her eyes and grabbed the menus and said while looking at Che and I in a pointed way with a smirk on her face, "I like the sound of Greek......I’ve always loved greece haven't you?"

    Louise started to snigger to herself and looked between Che and I. I rounded on Louise and whilst stifling a laugh, "You and your BIG fucking mouth!!!!"

    Louise laughed, "what? I didn't have to say anything everyone can read you two like a book you're so transparent."

    Louise then said in between laughs, "have you not got Australian?" Che then piped up, "No, that's being delivered tomorrow, not so sure its to my taste anyway".

    Everyone started to laugh and Jo turned to Che, "Meow!!" She uttered through fits of giggles.

    Jo settled herself into a chair, "well I can’t wait to meet the first girl that has turned Lex’s head this badly since.......well.........you!"

    As she spoke she looked directly at Che and added, "she must really be quite something, either that or she’s amazing in bed? Or she has beer flavoured nipples?"

    The others continued to laugh but Che had a face like thunder. I quickly grabbed the menus, "Pizza it is then!"

    We ordered our pizza and all sat down in front of the Tv and waited for the delivery. Jo looked at me questioningly, "So when can I meet her then?"

    "She arrives tomorrow so give her a day or two to settle in and maybe we can do something in a few days?" Jo said, "oohh we can have a BBQ?Really make her feel at home?"

    Che sniggered in the corner, "I'm sure Lex has that covered!"

    when Jo turned to her she clarified, "I'm sure Lex will be taking care of her EVERY need, you know just so she feels at home".

    The night pretty much continued in the same vain with Che dropping sly digs.The night finally drew to a close and everyone headed home. I lay in bed and absently checked the clock and noted that Charlie would be well into her flight by now. I drifted off to sleep wondering what the next three weeks would bring.

    The next morning I woke up and got ready filled with childlike excitement. I checked the progress of Charlies flight online and it was on schedule. I got into my car and drove to the airport leaving plenty of time. I waited nervously at the arrivals gate for her. I spotted her tall lean body through the crowds of people. As she neared me I ran towards her and jumped into her arms as she dropped her bags. I wrapped my legs around her as she buried her face in my neck. She smelled so good, the familiar feelings of desire I felt for her quickly returned. I eventually jumped down, "Hey you! excited to see me much".

    I laughed, "no, why? what gave you that idea?" I shrugged mock confusion on my face.

    she took me into her arms again and lifted my feet off the floor, "god, i’ve missed you!"

    she leaned in towards me and kissed me deeply. Her soft warm mouth brought back many welcomed memories. I pulled away reluctantly, "you really shouldn't do that to me in public".

    she smiled, "better get me home then, hadn't you?".

    I grabbed one of her bags and swung it over my shoulder taking hold of her hand with the other. The drive back to my place was long. It seemed to grow longer the more I thought about what was undoubtedly going to happen when we arrived home.

    We finally pulled up to my house, "So this is where you live?"

    I nodded, "strangely it’s exactly as I expected".

    We dragged her cases into the house and left them in the hallway. I chucked the car keys down on the side table amongst my post and headed to the kitchen. "You want a drink?"

    She nodded taking in her new surroundings. I reached into the fridge and pulled out a can of diet coke and placed it down in front of her and one for myself. I smiled, "so what do you want to do?"

    she smirked moved towards me so her hips were pressed up against mine her lips a mere hairs breadth away, "You!" She explained confidently.

    Tumblr post below (deleted scene)


    I woke up the next morning to Charlie laying light kisses down my spine allowing her fingers to trace the line in which her mouth had taken. I reluctantly opened my eyes enjoying her light caress and she smiled, "morning gorgeous, I made you breakfast in bed."

    She lifted a tray over containing coffee, orange juice, and toast. I smiled and sleepily commented, "quite the catch aren't you?"

    she laughed, "Sure am babe!"

    I reached for the coffee first as a smirk spread across her face, "got to keep your strength up somehow haven't I?"

    I laughed, "oh and what would I be needing my strength for then?"

    she leaned in close, "oh.....I'll show you, come here!"

    I put my finger against her lips, "no, no, no, we have plans!"

    she fell back against the bed, "no!! No plans!"

    I smiled, "my friends want to meet you, we can't stay hauled up in here all day having sex."

    She went quiet and stared into space then looked up quickly, "aaww I'm sorry I got distracted."

    She leaned in towards me and kissed me in between words, "distracted-at-the-thought-of-staying-here-having-sex-with-you-all-day!"

    I laughed, "my friends are excited about meeting you."

    "does that mean I have to meet Che?"

    "yeah... It kinda does, you ok with that?"

    she went silent then eventually said, "well, I'm not exactly overjoyed at the thought of coming face to face with the woman who repeatedly broke your heart."

    "so chivalrous." I smirked.

    She reached over took a bite of my toast, "well, I guess I'll just have to play nice then won't I?"

    I gave her a doubtful look as she smirked at me, "what?!? I'll be nice!"

    my laugh faded to a smirk and I replied, "that's what she said!"

    she smiled got up out of bed and walked completely naked to my bathroom, turned at the doorway and smiled, "that's two things we have in common then, promising to be nice"

    "what's the second?"

    "We both love you!"

    she then walked back to the bed and pulled me up whilst saying, "shower?" She pulled me into the shower with her kissing me as we went.

    We got dressed and Charlie turned towards me, "so what's the plan then?"

    "well, my friend Jo wants us to go round to hers for drinks and don't laugh, but she's doing you a BBQ........so you feel at home."

    She held back a snigger, "sounds good, who's going? Give me a run down."

    "well Jo will be there, You will like Jo she's a no nonsense kind of girl speaks her mind, she's bisexual and has zero luck in love, her dating stories are really funny though! Oh and she loves to wind Che up."

    Charlie laughed, "well in that case I will definitely like her."

    "Che will be there obviously."

    "no wait let me guess this one!" She said sarcastically.

    "Che is a self obsessed selfish heart breaker who is indecisive about her sexuality and she picks people up and puts them down whenever she feels like it. Am I close?"

    I laughed, "that's a little unfair. She is my best friend and she has helped me through a lot of shit and she loves me underneath all her insecurities. I would love it if you two could get along"

    She shrugged, "like I said, I haven't met her but I already don't like her."

    "are you jealous?"

    she snorted, "of her!!" I waited for a few seconds then she said in a hushed tone avoiding my eyes, "maybe a little." I smiled kissed her on the forehead and told her she didn't need to be.

    She nodded and took hold of my fingers absently messing with them. "So who else is coming?"

    "my sister Louise and her friends Rachel, Leila and Lucy."

    "what are they like?"

    "well Louise is great she looks after me, she always has. She's kind of taken the mum/friend role and Lucy is a bit of a pain in the arse."

    She nodded then a smirk spread across her face, "woah wait a minute where's my run down on Rachel and Leila? is it?"

    I composed myself, "Rachel...... she's nice."

    Charlie started to laugh, "just how 'well' DO you know her?"

    I smiled turned my back to her as I pretended organise some things on my shelf, "pretty well."

    She laughed and threw a pillow at me, "oohh you've totally slept with her!! You always get like this about someone when you've had sex with them!"

    I gave her a questioning look and she added, "oh you do! You get all shy about it which is crazy because you're the least shy person I know!"

    I ignored her comment, "Leila is nice too, she can be a tad vindictive but most of the time shes nice."

    Charlie started to giggle and said, "just how many of your Ex encounters am I about to meet?"

    I flashed her a smirk ignoring her question, "and my friend Kyle is coming and Alice too but I've told you about them before."

    "you haven't slept with either of them two have you?"

    "eeww no they're like family".

    she sat back, "so I'm about to go to a BBQ with not one, not two, but three women you have slept with?"

    I shrugged, "eeeerrrm........ yeah, pretty much!"

    she laughed and shook her head "it's quite the hotbed of incestuous lesbianism here isn't it?"

    I smiled, "come on we're going to be late."

    We went through to the garage to get in my car and she froze, "woah!! Are they yours?"

    I followed her hand to where my motorbikes sat and nodded and continued to get into my car. She held held up her hands, "no, no, no hold up, you have a harley AND a Ducatti?"

    "can't we go on one of them instead?"


    "The Harley?"

    I looked at her for a few seconds. She looked at me her brow creasing with concern. she pushed, "What's wrong?"

    "That was my dads, my biological fathers, I've never ridden it."

    She noticed the faraway look in my eyes, "Oh, well we can go on the Ducati instead that's an awesome bike too."

    I shook my head and said somewhat determinedly "No, we can take the Harley I owe it a ride it's not been out this garage in near on 15 years it's hardly ever been ridden."

    She looked at me worry creasing her brow, "are you sure?"

    I smiled then nodded my mind made up. I turned to her my eyebrows raised, "You have to wear the spare helmet though"

    she nodded eagerly and I passed it to her. I wheeled the bike out onto the driveway and sat on it. It was a strange sensation as the thought crossed my mind that the last person to ride this bike was probably my real father. It was an eerie feeling to feel strangely close to a man I had no knowledge of ever meeting.

    I started it up half expecting it not to start but it did first time. The noise from it was something else. Charlie smiled as she watched me, "go on take her for a spin round the block, your first ride on her should be solo."

    I smiled slammed my visor down and took off round the block. It was a strange feeling it drove so differently to the Ducati. It was almost as if my biological father was with me on that ride.

    I pulled back onto my driveway, Charlie watching me with a smile. I took off my helmet. "wow! That was awesome".

    She smiled. "come on then let's get going.

    Charlie through her right leg over the bike and put on her helmet. I told her to put her hands around my waist and hold on as tight as she could. She leaned in towards me and held me
    Tightly like I asked. We sped off and headed to Jo's place. We pulled up just as Louise and her friends were walking from her car. She shouted as she approached us, "well if it isn't Dykes on a bike!"

    I gave her the finger as she walked over. I got off the bike took off my helmet and Charlie followed suit. Louise gave me a big hug, "it's good to see you riding it, I'm sure it's what he would have wanted."

    I smiled, "Thanks Lou, this is Charlie by the way, Charlie this is Louise my sister and her friends Rachel, and Leila, everyone this is Charlie."

    They all shook hands and said hello and then we went up the driveway and knocked on Jo's door. Jo opened the door excitedly wearing a khaki coloured hat adorned with corks dangling on strings. "What the fuck is with the hat Jo?"

    Charlie stood beside me holding back the sniggers as Jo replied, "It's crocodile Dundee isn't it? Thought it would go with our theme!"

    Jo welcomed everyone inside. Once in Jo's kitchen I introduced Charlie to Jo. Jo seemed to be mesmerised by Charlie's accent. We all sat outside in the garden while Jo tended her BBQ. Next to arrive was Kyle and Alice I introduced them both to Charlie and Alice never failing to embarrass stated matter of factly, "no wonder Che is jealous, you're fucking HOT!"

    I laughed, "thanks Al"

    Charlie sat down with Louise and chatted to her whilst I got up to get us some drinks. As I was rummaging in the fridge in the kitchen Che walked in, "Hi Lex."

    She put her arms around me and gave me a quick hug and kiss on the cheek and added, "you brought the other bike, it's beautiful."

    I felt a stab of guilt that I hadn't told Che about what I had found out about my dads. I told myself I would tell her, just not tonight. I nodded, "yeah Charlie wanted to come on the bike rather than the car."

    Che nodded and just the mere mention of Charlie's name lit the touchpaper on Che's obnoxiousness. I ignored the face she pulled and said, "do you want a drink?" she nodded, "I'll bring you one out then."

    She nodded thanked me and headed out to the garden where the others sat. I watched nervously from the window and saw Kyle diffuse the tension by jumping up picking Che up and swinging her round in a circle before planting an exaggerated kiss on her cheek. She giggled like a schoolgirl as he places her back down. She then gave Alice a quick hug and kiss, then she skipped both Rachel and Leila just giving them a curt "hi"

    Then moved to Louise, "hey Lou, how are ya?"

    Louise stood up and drew Che into a hug, "not bad mate, you?"

    Che nodded, "I'm good thanks."

    I returned to the garden with a tray full of drinks just as Che got to Charlie."Che this is Charlie, Charlie, Che."

    Charlie extended her hand to Che, "hey, nice to meet you, I've heard a lot about you."

    Che placed a fake smile on her face, "hi, yeah, you too."

    "it's good to finally put a face to the name."

    Che nodded took a drink from the tray I held and took a long swig. She smiled at Charlie again and went and sat with Alice and Ky.

    Jo came and sat next to Charlie and I. "I love your accent!" She said excitedly.

    Charlie laughed, "thanks I grew
    It myself!"

    Jo laughed a little bit too enthusiastically then sighed, "I need to get myself a girlfriend or a boyfriend with a sexy accent."

    I laughed, "you need to get yourself a boyfriend or a girlfriend full stop never mind one with an accent!"

    Rachel laughed, "hey Jo, Che is single why don't you both get it together?"

    Che scowled at Rachel, "because I'm not into blondes...............and I'm not gay!" She said as an after thought.

    Rachel snorted, "yeah right, and I'm the bloody pope!"

    "oohh it’s lovely to meet you your holiness!" Che quipped as she got up and stormed inside. Alice and Louise went after her and I stayed with Charlie.

    "you should go check she's ok Lex, you will be the bad best friend if you don't" I rolled my eyes and sighed in defeat and went to check Che was ok.

    As I rounded the corner in the kitchen I heard them all talking in the kitchen. I heard Che say, "thats easy for you to say, she's gorgeous! She's sat there with her tan and her toned body and her sexy accent seducing my girlfriend."

    Louise rounded on Che and said with a smirk, "your GIRLFRIEND?!?"

    Che started to stutter, "my best friend! My best friend who is a girl with a penchant for really obvious girls, so it seems!"

    Alice looked at her pointedly, "well mate, you can't complain she gave you enough chances and you stamped all over her heart every time, she deserves to be happy and Charlie really seems to make her happy. She even got her to ride her dads bike, if thats not a sign she's good for her I don't know what is."

    Che looked confused then spoke tentatively, "so what, she uses her dads bike all the time."

    Louise said, "yeah but not her real dads bike she's stayed away from that one."

    My heart sank, they assumed Che knew. They assumed the first person I would tell would be her and usually it would have been. It was too painful to hide my true feelings from Che so i just didn’t tell her, i wasn’t ready to face how i really felt about it yet. The guilt coursed through my veins and sent my blood cold.

    Che whipped her head round to look at Louise, "what do you mean? Her real Dad?"

    Louise looked panicked, "she hasn't told you?"

    Che said, "tell me what?!?"

    "ahhh maybe you should talk to Lex, it's not really my place to say."

    Che looked upset as tears fell down her face she looked at Louise, "she doesn't even talk to me anymore! I'm losing her and I hate it. She used to tell me everything until skippy the bush kangaroo came on the scene!"

    I decided to exit my hiding place and walked in, "you ok mate?"

    she wiped the tears away and said, "yeah I'm fine, where's my drink?!" and with that she headed back to the garden.

    I then looked at Louise and lightly slapped the back of her head, "YOU! You fucking idiot!"

    she grimaced and said, "you heard?!"

    "yeah, so thanks for that!"

    I walked back to the garden and Louise came after me saying, "I'm Soooo sorry!"

    I waved my hand in dismissal of her sorry. Alice had taken my chair so I sat down on Charlie's lap and put my arm around her shoulders. Che sat and scowled at us.

    Jo stood at the BBQ with her crocodile Dundee hat on complete with dangling corks shouting to Kyle to get the shrimp on the barbie. Charlie started laughing and said, "where do you guys think I live?"

    Jo laughed, "summer bay or Ramsey street of course, that's where all the Aussies are from, don't shatter my illusions Charlie."

    She replied saying, "oh yeah, you’re right I live in Ramsey street and Karl Kennedy is my neighbour! You're so perceptive Jo!"

    "I knew it!" She sarcastically jibed.

    I turned in Charlie's lap to face her, "do you want another drink?"

    she leaned in and kissed me on the lips, "I'd love another beer."

    I unfolded myself from her lap and headed into the kitchen to get more drinks. One minute later Che came in after me, "what’s all this about your 'real' dad?"

    my head sunk and I closed the fridge, "I was going to tell you but I just want to enjoy tonight I don't want to think about it now, maybe we can go for a coffee when Charlie heads home and I've got a spare minute?"

    she snorted, "well if you can spare me a few minutes!"

    I Exhaled deeply feeling anger rising within me, "look it's not about you, for once it's about me, so don't dictate, I'll tell you when I'm ready to! It just hurts too much with you, you’re just too close, you can see through me and i’m just not ready to face it all yet"

    I then walked out the kitchen and headed back to Charlie without another word. Leaving Che stood in the kitchen staring after me perplexed.

    Charlie stood up as I approached, "where's the bathroom Lex?"

    "Oh, it's 2nd door on your right as you leave the kitchen."

    She nodded, "I'll be right back"

    I sat back down and Jo smirked, "do you guys think it's wise to leave them two unsupervised? I mean you've just sent your......I don't know what she is to you into a house with your.......I don't know what she was. Asking for trouble if you ask me.

    as she said that we heard Che shout, "who the fuck do you think you are you?! cheeky bitch!"

    I ran into the kitchen and saw Charlie stood there with Che wagging her finger in her face. My back went up straight away as I thought Che wasn't far off getting slapped. Charlie just laughed which seemed ti antagonise Che further.

    "look I'm not apologising for liking Lex, she's a great girl and I like her alot."

    Che had fire in her eyes she looked so angry as she inclined her head, "I don't give a shit!"

    "well that's obvious kid, you treat her like something you stepped in. She's in love with you and you couldn't give less of a shit! She deserves better than an emotional wreck like you who can't even admit that she's clearly the gayest thing since the pride parade, and you're fooling nobody! Everyone knows you're a fully fledged member of the gay club."

    Che laughed in her face, "so what? she deserves to be with you? I don’t think so, jog on Skippy!"

    Charlie laughed, You're a disco-dancing, Oscar Wilde reading, Streissand ticket holding friend of Dorothy, know what I'm saying?"

    Alice burst out laughing, "oh my god!? I love her Soooo much, she just quoted clueless, Charlie you are my fucking hero!"

    As soon as Alice started laughing Che took a swing at Charlie. Charlie ducked and Che's fist hit me square in mouth! I shouted, "WHAT THE FUCK!! You crazy bitch" Che stood with her hands covering her mouth her eyes wide in shock.

    Charlie moved towards me eyes wide, "aw shit, no, let me see?"

    I turned to her, "and you? What the fuck? Do you have cat like reflexes or something? Jesus!"

    I put my hand up to my mouth and pulled it away my fingers covered in blood from my lip "I turned back to Che, "Cheers mate I look like Bubba Gump!"

    Alice laughed, "eehhh actually I think you'll find that his second name Isn't Gump it's Blue. Forest Gump and Bubba Blue" I looked at her and smiled, "Oh!! fuckkk!! Im sorry mate, how very dare i fuck up a film reference when im busy bleeding to death! Always rely on Alice to lighten the mood!"

    I turned to Che and Charlie and said, "right you've drawn blood, now do you think you two can pack it the fuck in?"

    Che went to say something and I held up my hand, "I like Charlie, a lot, so either get over it or just don't comment" she looked at me eyes uncertain at first then she nodded.

    The rest of the night went off without any major drama until Alice brought out a packet full of shrooms and handed them out.

    We were all sat in a disorganised circle in the garden with a fire pitt in the centre. I looked at Alice, "aahh mate I don't know, look what happened the last time?"

    Charlie and Che both said in unison, "what happened the last time?"

    Alice laughed, "Lex, woke up in bed with two very hot, but very naked girls."

    Everyone started laughing as Alice started to recount countless drug related crazy nights. Alice then laughed saying, "most people hallucinate on shrooms but not Lex, no, they make her horny!"

    I looked at Alice, "mate?! That's my sister sitting there, do you have to?"

    she laughed and handed me the bag, "just you stay over there with Charlie then, otherwise it could get messy."

    She turned to Charlie, "perfect scenario here would be that you also get über horny on shrooms that way you two can occupy yourselves and we won't need to worry about having our legs humped while we are all tripping."

    Charlie laughed, "I'm with Lex." As she took a handful.

    We all took the drugs she offered us and it wasn't long before everyone started to really loosen up. Somehow I thought it would be a good idea to strip down to my underwear because I was really warm Charlie followed suit. They seemed to affect her the same way they affected me. The revelation of the night was that Che went the same way and woke up naked in bed with Jo.

    Charlie and I woke up outside on the grass almost naked cuddled up with a blanket over ourselves. We put our clothes back on and headed to the kitchen for breakfast.

    Jo came downstairs saying, "shit, shit, shit, shit, bollocks! Fuck meeee!!!"

    Charlie and I both sat laughing, "what’s up Jo?"

    "eerrmm nothing, nothing" she stuttered looking nervous as hell.

    then she looked at us both holding back the giggles, "Dude! I totally had really filthy dirty sex with Che last night."

    Charlie laughed, "oh, no you can't have she's straight remember."

    Jo looked at us both with a serious face, "this is not a laughing matter! Worst thing is I can remember it ALL and it was, it was, dide!!!
    it was so fucking good!"

    she buried her face in her hands as she turned a rather fetching shade of scarlet. she looked distraught as she said it. Alice chose that exact moment to walk in, "what's happening kids?

    "Jo had hot nasty sex with Che last night!"

    Alice laughed, "not possible she's as straight as straight can be".

    Alice wagged her finger back and forth with a smirk, "and don't you forget it"

    Jo then looked at us eyes wide, "well, it must be another very naked Che lying in my bed then!"

    She then looked at me panic in her eyes, "mate, she is an animal! No wonder you keep going back for more!"

    her eyes met mine panic clearly rising within her, "I mean, i, errrrr, what i mean to say is......that...ah fuck it..... Im really so, so sorry by the way, didn't mean to betray any friend laws, it was the drugs." she shrugged.

    I looked at her quickly masking the jealousy that I felt was clearly evident on my face, "no worries mate, but I have a feeling it won't have happened when she wakes up!"

    "I really hope so."

    Half an hour later Che came down stairs. We were all desperately holding back the giggles. She looked at us all expectantly, "WHAT?!"

    this made us all laugh harder. Then Ky said, "So.....you and Jo had hot nasty lesbo sex last night then?"

    everyone tried to desperately hold back the giggles but failed miserably bursting into fits of
    laughter, "Fuck you all!" she shouted as she turned on her heels and headed for the door.

    Charlie and I followed suit soon after and headed home. We decided to have an easy day given the antics of the previous night. We sat on the sofa watching films and eating junk food. We went up to bed later on and whilst I showered Charlie picked up the photograph of my biological father. As I came out my bathroom with my towel wrapped around me she looked up from the picture into my eyes, "is this your real dad Lex?"

    I nodded and she looked back at the picture, "you look alot like him. You have his eyes and smile."

    I stayed silent and nodded. She came over to me, "hey?"

    she lifted my chin and cupped my face with her hand, "don't be sad, do you want to talk about it? Might help?"

    I sat down on my bed and sighed whilst looking at the floor. I took the metal box out from under my bed and handed her all the letters and told her to read them. I threw a t shirt on And some underwear while she read. A single tear rolled over her cheek and she looked up at me, "I'm so sorry sweetheart."

    I shrugged, "not much I can do about it is there? I'm the daughter of a guy I know nothing about, I know what he looks like but that's it, and I have nobody to ask."

    She put her arm on my shoulder, "there must be some way we can find out something? What about this guy Geoff? maybe we can find him?"

    I shrugged, "I'm just so fucking angry at them! They took my chance to know my real dad away from me, I know he died, but now they're dead too and I have nobody to ask about him."

    "let's go see if we can find this Geoff guy tomorrow, I'll come with you and we can do it together?"

    I looked at her, "yeah, do you mind? Not exactly the holiday you planned?"

    She shook her head, "I planned a holiday with you. And I think it might help for you to at least try and find him."

    I looked down at the floor, "I just don't feel like I belong anywhere anymore, I have no idea who I am or who I'm like, I'm nothing like Louise or my mum, I don't know where any of this comes from."

    She smiled wiped my eyes, "I bet he was just like you, strong, independent, funny, beautiful and caring."

    She then kissed my hand, "sometimes life just deals you a shitty hand."

    We climbed into bed and she held me and we fell asleep.

    The next morning I was nervous as hell the thought of meeting this friend of Alex's. I sat in the car with Charlie and said, "there's probably zero chance he still lives at this address."
    "yeah but if he doesn't at least we tried."

    I put the postcode into my sat nav and we set off. She held my hand "nervous?"

    I looked at her and replied, "bricking it!"

    she squeezed my hand to offer reassurance. We pulled up outside a big house. There was a young boy playing in the front garden and Charlie and I made our way up the driveway to the front door. The little boy eyed us suspiciously and Charlie smiled at him, "hi mate, does a guy called Geoff still live here?"

    He looked at her, "that's my dad."

    Charlie and I looked at each other, "thanks mate, is he in?"

    the little boy nodded. So we knocked on the door and a woman answered. "hi, can I help you?"

    I looked at her and froze, I didn't know what to say thankfully Charlie stepped in. "hi, I'm really sorry to intrude on you like this, my names Charlie and this is Lex, we understand a Geoff Kairns lives here?"

    the woman nodded "yeah, Geoff is my husband."

    Charlie smiled, "this might sound odd but he knew my friends father."

    She looked at me pointedly, "Alexi?!"

    her mouth hung open in shock, "you've grown so much!"

    I stared at her blankly. Not knowing what to say, I didn't recognise this woman. "you used to play with my daughter jess when your dad had you for the weekend, when you were much younger..........you probably wouldn't remember."

    "come in, come in."

    She then shouted "Geoff!"

    a mans voice came from upstairs, "what?!"

    "can you come down for a minute."

    He came padding down the stairs holding a screw driver. As he reached the bottom of the stairs he looked from Charlie to me then once his eyes had locked on mine he dropped the screwdriver he was holding and he said, "Alexi?!" he went as white as a sheet, "you, you look just like him."

    They led us through to the kitchen and offered us a drink. We sat down in the kitchen, "I never thought I'd see you again when Alex, well you know. I didn't think your parents would ever tell you?"

    I smiled, "they didn't, they passed away not long ago and I found a letter from my dad.......well the man I thought was my dad amongst their things."

    He nodded, "I'm sorry to hear that."

    "I guess you're here about your father?"

    I nodded, "I don't know anything about him all I have is a few photos."

    His wife smiled got up from the table and came back with a small album of photographs. In it she took out countless photographs of me with my father. I took hold of the photograph and examined it, I looked happy and so did he. She handed me the album, "here, he would have wanted you to have it."

    I looked up at her with tears in my eyes, "thank you."

    silence clung to the air then I said, "it's like looking at somebody else, I don't remember any of this."

    She then said, "well you were only young and then he disappeared from your life so it's no wonder that you don't remember him."

    Geoff looked at me with tears in his eyes, "he was a good man, I hope you know that? He wanted you and your mother and your sister to live with him, he wanted to be a proper father to you but your mother still loved your dad so she broke things off with Alex. She always let him have you for weekends though. He loved you very much."

    I looked up at him, "how did he die?"

    he looked at me a pained expression in his face, "I can't tell you, but know that he wasn't in any pain and you were the last thought on his mind."

    I looked back at him, "you were with him?"

    he nodded, "his last words were for me to see you right."

    He was quiet for a moment, "you have all the same mannerisms as him you know? The way you hold yourself and bite your lip."

    He spent the rest of the afternoon talking about Alex and telling me funny stories about their time in the army. He told me if ever I needed anything I only had to ask. I left with Charlie and I wasn't sure if I was happier or if I'd just given myself more questions.

    I put the whole dads issue to the back of my mind and concentrated instead on enjoying Charlie's visit. The day she was flying home arrived and I felt sick I didn't want her to go. My feelings for her had developed and I knew I would miss her like crazy. She had helped me through so much and also helped me get to know my real dad as best I could. I dropped her off at the airport and waited until the last moment before she had to go through. I drew her into a tight hug and kissed her deeply she told me she loved me and I looked at her my feelings threatening to overwhelm me , "I love you too."

    And I meant it. She went to turn to walk away, and i grabbed her arm, ‘’Don’t go like this, stay and be with me?’’

    She gave me a confused expression, ‘’You don’t know how much i want to..’’

    ‘’Then be with me, be my girlfriend.........’’ I waited nervously expectantly but she didn’t say anything. So I added nervously, ‘’We can try the long distance thing, I want to try’’.

    She eventually smiled and leaned in and kissed me passionately. As she pulled away she locked her eyes on mine, ‘’Ok, lets give it a go, but i have to catch that plane. Ill call you when I get home and we will talk?"

    I nodded those few words filled me with happiness and i was fully prepared to give the long distance relationship thing a go.

    She kissed me again before I watched her walk through the gate. I felt a lump develop in my throat as I turned and headed back to my car. I missed her already but i was happy she had agreed to be my girlfriend.
  17. Lexington

    Lexington Well-Known Member

    Jul 4, 2013
    Likes Received:
    Re: Full circle

    Hahaha I love the term 'hot mess' too, it's one of my favourites.
  18. serenitee068

    serenitee068 Member

    Sep 9, 2013
    Likes Received:
    Re: Full circle

    I was wondering where to find the link to a PDF of the previous posts @lexington mentioned. Im missing half of the authors novel
  19. Lexington

    Lexington Well-Known Member

    Jul 4, 2013
    Likes Received:
    Re: Full circle

    Haven't sorted one out as of yet. But, if you want to pm me, I will see what I can do :)
  20. julie

    julie Well-Known Member

    Jul 5, 2013
    Likes Received:
    Re: Full circle

    i was wondering if the previous posts are floating around somewhere here, too. the Story is just too good to only read once.
    and, is there any chance of daily updates again? pretty please? or twice a week? :D

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice