From A Monogamous Relationship To An Open Relationship

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by Pretty Wingz, Nov 23, 2015.

  1. Pretty Wingz

    Pretty Wingz Member

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    My Partner asked if we could maybe test out an open relationship. I am considering it but want to know if there is anybody out there who has tried it. What were your triumphs? Failures? Did/Is it working for you? I'm imterested in hearing other people's experiences.
     
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  2. noedee

    noedee Active Member

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    hi there,

    I have no experience with Open relationships but have put a lot of thought into it, because my wife asked me if I wanted to go there at the beginning of the year. We ended up deciding against it after asking ourselves the following questions:
    - why do want an open relationship? Is something missing from our relationship?
    - how would it work practically: what sets of rules would we implement, and how would we navigate them? (in our case, it was all very complicated and unrealistic as we live together and have 2 kids)
    - we tried to visualize how it would be and imagine how it would make us feel. (I realized that knowing that my wife is out potentially having sex with someone else would probably drive me insane)

    We decided against it in the end, because the whole idea was just a means to solve our relationship problems. After 20 years, we really needed to get back to work on our own relationship and that is what we decided to do. And it is still a work in progress! ;-)

    But there is a lot of literature on the subject, I found out, you might be interested in reading up on it. Here are a couple links I dug up real quick (i didn't keep the references I found at the time), but there is a lot more:
    http://www.yourtango.com/20085129/7-tips-beginning-open-relationship
    http://www.amazon.com/Opening-Up-Creating-Sustaining-Relationships/dp/157344295X

    Best of luck either way!

    :)
     
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  3. Queen

    Queen Member

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    Tried it with my ex many many years ago, she is my ex for that reason. It created a "otherness" in our relationship, a space where we were formerly "the two of us against all odds", to a space where that important component was diluted. It diluted our intimacy and our bond to the point where, when we finally fell apart, it was barely noticeable.
     
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  4. Lauren_1989

    Lauren_1989 Active Member

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    I have personally never tried it and I don't think I would. It all depends on your view of sex, I guess. To some people sex can be enjoyed without emotional entanglements, they can disconnect their feelings and just enjoy themselves- there's nothing wrong with that. For other people, sex and emotion are one in the same, impossible to separate. Again, there's nothing wrong with that. What camp do you fall in though? If you could accept that your partner wants to sleep with other people and that you are free to do the same then maybe the set up will work for you. Just remember though, once it is done, you can't take it back. Once you and your partner have taken that step, your relationship will be different, either positively or negatively.
     
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