Friendship vs. Self-preservation

Discussion in 'General Advice' started by k324, Sep 7, 2014.

  1. k324

    k324 New Member

    Sep 7, 2014
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    My friends rejoiced when I woke up from a delusion and realized that my 3-year irrational love for someone who lives a thousand miles away from me was going nowhere. I couldn't understand how I fell hard for someone I just conversed with for barely an hour before her flight going home. It was crazy. Except for the I miss yous and how are yous,we barely talked online. I got tired with just fb likes and flattery that I sometimes doubted her sincerity. We have a lot of things in common--books we both read, music we both like, and films we both adore--but we didn't pass the fb likes and the I miss yous stage.

    I enrolled in grad school to keep myself busy. I wanted to learn and make new friends. On my first day of class, I saw a familiar face--a former schoolmate. I had a little crush on her before but we never had time to talk. I approached her and I was surprised when she called me by my first name. She's pretty, smart, funny, and kind. The first time we talked, it lasted for more than an hour. I don't really consider myself funny but she smiled and laughed at things I said (even if I wasn't even joking). We've been inseparable since then. I enjoy her friendship and I can feel that the feeling is mutual. Awkward eye contact remains a problem but being able to hold a decent conversation for hours is,I think,a good sign. We talk about books,films,food,music,family,sleeping habits,healthy lifestyle, etc.....anything under the sun. I like her. The only problem is, she's waiting for MR. Right. What if her Mr. Right shows up? I don't want to be left alone.

    What should I do? I enjoy her company so much but I don't want to experience another heartache. I think of her every day and it's not good because daydreaming makes me less productive. I can't concentrate on my studies. Should I distance myself and make friends with other people (like say hi to my friendly butch classmate or to the girl I constantly catch staring at me) so as to temporarily take my mind off her? Being with her is never a waste of time but spending every free time I have with her means zero time for other things/people.

    I hope you can help me resolve this issue.

    P.S. I don't think she knows I'm gay.
  2. staringatthesun

    staringatthesun Well-Known Member

    Sep 4, 2014
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    While I am not sure how much help I can actually be. I want you to know that I have gone/am going through the same you're definitely not alone in this. I guess alot of it depends on what you really want as your outcome.

    I too, like you, seem to fall hard and fast for people, even if I am not dating them. It's a real drag sometimes because you barely get to know the person before you realize you miss them and want to be with them. Anyhow...i see there being two ways you can proceed. The first way you could deal with it is by trying to incorporate these "other girls, the butch one for example" into hanging out with you and her, so you do not have to miss any time with her..yes so this way you don't feel like your "choosing" to spend less time with one or the other.

    The second way it could the very gutsy way of telling her you like girls..if she doesnt already know and than basically seeing if you can feel her out, see if shes ever been curious about being with a woman, etc. This way does have more risk but maybe it would help you get over her a bit...if you could hear her say it ..that its not for her.

    Personally I find just trying to keep my mind busy is the best's really hard especially if the distance gets forced on you, but it can make a difference...bit by bit...

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