Friends with her exes

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by anonymous_, Aug 19, 2017.

  1. anonymous_

    anonymous_ Member

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    Do any of you stay in touch with exes? Currently dating a girl who is still in touch with her ex that she broke up with three months ago. I'm cautious that I'm a rebound however she left her girlfriend when she realized she had deep feelings for me.

    Thoughts?
     
    #1
  2. Spygirl

    Spygirl Well-Known Member

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    The answer is..yes...and no...depends on the situation.

    I have friends who are exes...but friends is a relative term and people have different definitions for friendship....an ex boyfriend (gasp, yes, I did date men and not exactly hate it)...from law school many years ago and I are friends, colleagues, and work on cases together..but he's married as am I...it's far removed from any possibility of anything (including the fact that I prefer women)...but the gay thing aside, I've known him for 20 years -- we only dated for 4 of them...

    I'm also friends with other exes...but, again, the term friends is relative...my first real love (a woman)...we see each other on FB (live in different states) and it was a messy messy breakup, so it took a LONG time to even talk again...she is married now, too (*cough* for the fourth time)...and well, I got over the hurt and realized I never could be with her in a relationship again before we ended up realizing we could be friends....The ex I had before my present relationship (marriage)...we stayed "friends" for awhile..but as life happened we drifted apart and don't even talk anymore..I presume she's happy, I know I'm happy, and there's really nothing in common to make us want to be friends. If I were to run into her would I be cordial and nice? Yes...but that's about it. I wish her well but the things that broke us up are the reason we're not friends...different views on what we want out of life and that's perfectly okay.

    But you have to be careful...there are the people who stay "friends" with exes who secretly hope that the friendship develops/re-develops/morphs/changes into something more. That's not real friendship. There are also people who stay friends because of co-dependency.

    Being friends with someone when a relationship just ended would concern me...depending on how long the relationship was, it might not be enough time to heal from the emotions....or the ex might want her back and that's why the ex stays friends..who knows?

    If you're finding yourself worried...there may be a reason. If you're secure in your relationship...maybe you don't need to be as worried...but if this ex is constantly going to be "present" in your relationship...I'd be very, very cautious as there are people out there who want to have their cake and eat it too....Listen to that voice inside your head -- if something isn't feeling quite right to you...find out why.
     
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