Friends in a love triangle. What do you do?

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by Olen, Jan 5, 2014.

  1. Olen

    Olen Member

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    Hello,

    I really want an objective advice. My main goal is to remain friends with two girls that are near and dear to me. However, I have gotten myself into a situation I have not had in my life before. I introduced all of them to each other and now they are developing interest and feelings for each other and I'm kind of in the middle of this.

    But before you start with this read, get yourselves a nice cup of hot chocolate and a warm throw, as this is going to be a bit of a long fable.

    So here's the story. I have two friends, whom I met recently. Let's call them Dora and Joana - these are the people I want to stay friends with. I introduced them to each other several months ago. They became friends, but also had some kind of a short love affair, which is now finished (after open and honest communication). They are still friends, and I suspect that their feelings are slightly warmer than this.

    One evening a month ago I was with Dora in a night club. We met a girl named, hmm.., Lana ;) It seemed (you will see the word "seemed" very often from this point on;) that Dora and Lana liked each other. But it has not gone very far, or so I know (?). Lana invited Dora and me and her straight guy friend for drinks and food several times. It was always in the company and I guess she was a bit scared to be more straightforward with Dora. Dora might have been interested, but at the moment she does not want to have anything serious with anyone.

    Xmas and New Year came, Dora went to see her family in a neighboring country of unicorns and strawberry cupcakes. Meanwhile, in the wintry city of Cheddar and Ale I remained. Lana and her straight guy friend invited me for a post New Year drink and music huddle in a pub and Lana asked if I can bring more friends. So yours truly invited Joana - I just wanted an evening in a nice company you know. We are all human. I had told Dora about the evening as I knew that she might not be impressed with my decision. As she mentioned earlier, she likes to compartmentalize her circles of friends (just in case). And boy, she knows what she's talking about! But I realised it only this morning, before opening my eyes, when a current of incomprehensible swear words came rushing to my mind and sweeping away all of the post-red-wine zen from the last night.

    You see, Joana really liked Lana and asked for her number. But before doing that she had asked me for encouragement. And guess what I gave her? Exactly that! The thought of Dora possibly still being interested in Lana has not come to my mind than. There was just no space in my head as it had turned into a container for three glasses of Shiraz.

    But morning came. And I stand in front of a realisation that I possibly had screwed up (or not?). I don't know.

    I see that I have several options:

    (1) Gentle slumber of inaction: I do nothing. Let the three of them figure it all out by themselves. It's their lives, and their emotions. Hmm, will they start asking me why I have not forwarned them before though?

    (2) Ask Dora: "Dora, can I ask you a personal question. Ahem... hmm.. er...is something still going on with you and Lana? Do you like her? Because Joana seem to like her too. I introduced them, sorry about it. And I even encouraged Joana to take a phone number (not that she needed a lot of encouragement). Erm... I was tipsy, please forgive me..."" Smooth, like I always am.

    (3) Tell Joana: "Joana. How is it going? Good? Well, forgot to tell you yesterday that Dora and Lana might like each other too. Not that it matters to you right? .."

    (4) A combination of Ask Dora and Tell Joana strategies.

    you see, thing is that on one hand I think none of it is my business. I am not the one to tell neither Dora nor Joana about how another one of them feels about Lana. it's their lives. However, they might not be ok with me not shedding the light on the situation when they find out. And I do feel pretty guilty for encouraging Joana to ask for the phone number - it was her idea though and I had 25 seconds to decide what to tell her as this was the only time we were alone then.

    What's your take on it now that you're finished with you cup of chocolate and red-eyed after reading an ancient Red Sea scroll of incomprehensible emotional turmoil of a person whom you've never met in you life?
     
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  2. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

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    Re: Friends in a love triangle. What do you d...

    Olen, it is good that you try to think through things, but it is best not to try to worry too much when your friends are not really all that explicit. And by your friends I meant Dora, sounds like she is the one you are really worried about. You can't shed light on something when you don't have a torch. You have some clues but it is absolutely ok to tell someone to do what they need to do. If Lana was spoken for then it is up to Lana to field people asking for her phone number.

    Don't insert yourself into it anymore, not for worries about your friends love lives, but more for you.
     
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  3. Olen

    Olen Member

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    Re: Friends in a love triangle. What do you d...

    I think this is exactly what I would do Greylin. Lana can definitely decide for herself. I hope she has an idea. And it's best for me to stay as neutral as Switzerland. Thank you for actually telling me to take care of myself - I have to be reminded about this sometimes and usually the advice comes from experienced people and just makes me feel pretty good in the end. So thank you, it helped.
     
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