First time advice!

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by thisloveisours, Feb 23, 2016.

  1. thisloveisours

    thisloveisours New Member

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    Hi everyone, I could really do with some advice on how to make a first time good! Well, as comfortable and non-awkward as possible :')

    She's a virgin, I've had past experiences but I don't think I'd really count them as sex, so to be honest we're both fairly clueless in terms of experience. We got back together in January after a break for health reasons, having been together for 8 months before that, so although I kind of know what turns her on, I want to make it as positive an experience as possible!

    I'm also worried because in the past (with other people) I've never really got turned on during anything intimate like this, and I can't even turn myself on - although she does turn me on, I guess I'm just worried that I won't react and it'll get awkward? I hope that makes sense :')

    Anyway, any and all advice would be welcomed!!
     
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  2. Coffee Addict

    Coffee Addict Well-Known Member

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    A first time is good not because what you do but because who you are with. It can be something really simple but when you share intimacy with someone special, when you consolidate a connection, it makes it wonderful.

    Take it easy, you are both discovering each other and yourselves. Having an elaborate, sophisticated, highly technical plan only give you anxiety and it can be overwhelming. Keep it simple, you don't need to do everything at once, start with an comfortable, intimate, simple setting, and go from there.

    Last but not least, communicate. Ask her how she is doing, let her know about yourself as well.

    Good luck
     
    #2
    Spygirl, greylin and Jane Doe like this.
  3. lorienczhiu

    lorienczhiu Well-Known Member

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    There is no magic formula, because although we all may be good at sex in our bodies and with our partners, we have never lived in your body and never loved the people you're going to (and this girl in particular).

    The best way to make sex good is to make it enthusiastically consensual, communicative, and collaborative. It's good to talk before, and to keep talking during, and to check in afterwards. It's good to be honest about your wants and needs, whether those are for "more!" or something a little different or to take a break. It's okay to laugh a little, to propose something that's on your mind, to say no to a proposal that makes you nervous. If that level of talking seems awkward - well, I'm just gonna say that if you freeze up talking about sex with someone, you're not ready to be having it with them.

    Ultimately, you're getting intimate with this person because you want to make them feel pleasure and to feel pleasure with them, right? If that's the goal, and you are honest and kind in pursuit of that goal, you'll be okay; the "first time" is hopefully the first of many times that you delight in and experiment with and love on their body.If the goal is to check some relationship advancement box, but neither of you are ready to take the step, it will be uncomfortable and awkward; the best way to make sure it isn't it to make sure that you're talking and on the same page throughout this experience.

    And - to your lack of arousal - it is not unusual for your arousal to run and hide when you are uncomfortable in a sexual situation, or are self-conscious, or are super anxious about doing it right. Mental/physical health can complicate this. I also have trouble feeling a whole lot of pleasure with new partners or in unfamiliar situations, and was anorgasmic until about two years into my current relationship. And you know what? The best way around this is not to feel stress about it, but to meet your body where it is. You can't force your body to get hot and heavy, but you can notice what gets you going in terms of thoughts and sensations - and what makes you shut down. If you're not turned on, you can still have great sex; I sometimes focus on my partner's pleasure when my body isn't cooperating, and realize a while later that actually, all that time loving on her beautiful body has turned me on and I'm ready for some attention myself (and sometimes, that doesn't happen, but I still had a great time loving her). Be kind and honest about what feels good, what you want, and what you don't want, and trust your partner to respect those needs and boundaries. (Another good thing to talk about!)
     
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  4. thisloveisours

    thisloveisours New Member

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    Thank you both!! Neither of us is in any rush, but it's definitely on the cards and I just want to make sure it's a great experience for both of us! Thank you for the advice :)
     
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  5. Spygirl

    Spygirl Well-Known Member

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    You've been given great advice, so I'll make mine short and sweet. Don't overthink it..which is seems you are doing. Just make sure you communicate with your partner and allow yourself to "be" in the moment. A first time with someone you love...is always monumental (if not skillful or orgasmic). Enjoy the moment for what it is and the cards will eventually fall into place.
     
    #5

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