First Breakup/Crazy Ex

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by lucylex2, Aug 10, 2013.

  1. lucylex2

    lucylex2 Active Member

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    So this is my first breakup ever. I was recently in a year long relationship with my ex-girlfriend. We didn't have the best relationship, but when we were happy we were happy, and when we were mad we were mad. It wasn't the most terrible relationship but it wasn't the best. However, there has been a few situations and I just need reassurance that I did the right thing. So we broke up and it ended on mutual terms. We wanted to remain good friends especially since we have so many mutual friends. The breakup ended fine, but the events following after the breakup turned what could have been a good friendship into something ugly.

    A week after she broke up with me (I didn't want to end things at the time even though I knew it wasn't a good relationship for either one of us) we all hung out with friends at my house. She and I had talked a few times throughout the night and it had the friendship vibe to it which I was ok with. Later that night we watched a movie in my room and slept in seperate beds. After the movie we were supposed to go to sleep but she intiated sex, and knowing I shouldn't have I gave in. That was on a friday night. The following day we had sex again before I went to work and both had plans with different people for the evening. After she had hung out with her friend (a girl she had been talking to while we were together, and whom she is now in a new relationship with 3 weeks after we have broken up) she comes back to my room drunk and telling me how 'hot she thinks I am' and how she wants to have a sexual relationship with me because she is still physically attracted to me but other than a friendship that's the only other kind of relationship she wants from me. To me that says you are not over me, so why are you hopping into another relationship? Also come to find out the night she was telling me how Hot she thinks I am she had madeout with the "other girl" but came back to tell me that and cuddle and sleep with me that night. Then again on Sunday she left that night, and came back at like 2am to sleep with me again because she didn't want to sleep alone. I feel as though she did all of this to keep me at arm's length in case this new girl is not what she wants. She doesn't know who or what she wants and it's very obvious to everyone. What are your thoughts on her actions with this?

    Also, she had moved in to my house the month before we broke up, so after we broke up I needed my space from her but asked her to move her stuff out when she could. The day she moved her stuff out I thought it was just going to be her and a friend. Later during moving her stuff out she had her new girlfriend with her helping her move her stuff out of my house. That is the most rude, disrespectful, and inconsiderate thing I think I've ever seen anyone do to someone. After that I decided that for right now I need her out of my life so I deleted her off facebook as my way to give me space for myself and to work on me and not have to worry about her. My question is, from her actions does it seem like she is over the relationship or me? I'm over it way over it, because I do not deserve someone who is going to treat me like that, but at the same time I know that she is the type of person to realize what she has done, and also the type of person to squeeze her way back into my life at some point, and will try to intiate something again down the road. From all of this would you agree? What are your thoughts AE?
     
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  2. Harpy

    Harpy Well-Known Member

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    From my experiences, and in my opinion, you can't be friends with an ex right away. You have to have that space. It took me years to become friends with an ex from a 6 year relationship - And I think that was only possible because the break-up was mutual, we went a long time without speaking, and because we were together for so long. My ex's from shorter relationships went the way of the wind.

    It's extremely disrespectful for her to bring her new girlfriend with her to pick up her stuff. Especially since you were nice enough to let her take her time in retrieving them.

    If you knew it wasn't the best relationship then it was likely just a matter of time before it came to a closure. So, I think you've done the right thing but I think you really shouldn't try to be friends yet. Maybe after some time, but not yet. :)
     
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  3. lucylex2

    lucylex2 Active Member

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    Well I don't want to be friends right now because of the situation anyways. I'm going to need at least 3 months or more of space from her. However to me when it ended mutual and it needed to close what was the point in her sleeping with me then? To me that was a very selfish thing to do, but at the same time it makes me feel like her ending the relationship is not what she wanted by doing that. Idk it's a very confusing situation and i'm still very confused. Because her actions in what she has done and how she treats me shows me that she is not over the relationship or me and I need to move on because I am over it. It's going to take time to be completely over it but i'm getting over it day by day.
     
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  4. ttetsumako

    ttetsumako New Member

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    And that she'd imagined that the reason the head of her organization was out sick was because of her extreme desire for this co-worker.
     
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  5. lorienczhiu

    lorienczhiu Well-Known Member

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    I think that she's not over you, not because she's so deeply in love or anything, but because you were together for a year and now you're not, and because breakups are psychologically and physiologically tough. It's okay; she'll get there. You're not over her yet either, and that's okay. I agree with Harpy, that space and time is crucial if you're ever going to be able to reset and be friends again (if that's really what she wants).

    But regardless of what she wants (and who the hell knows what she wants?), she is not what you want. She is inconsiderate, manipulative, immature, and disrespectful. She overstepped your boundaries when you were vulnerable and your resistance was low, and used you as a security blanket when she didn't want to be alone - even though your relationship was over. Even though she had "moved on." This is bad relationship behavior, sure, but it's also pretty crappy friendship behavior. You do not want this person in your life right now, certainly not while you are still healing, and maybe not later, either.

    If she decides to squeeze herself back in with you, you get to say no, you treated me like shit, and I do not settle for less than love and respect. If you're worried about your ability to do that, ask your (actual) friends for help, and let them know ahead of time that you do not want to get trapped by her. No movies, no cuddling, no faux-intimacy; don't be afraid to be rude if you need to when asserting your boundaries. People only do to us what we let them, in the end, and if she shows up later in your life and tries to initiate something with you, you get to say (hell) no.
     
    #5
    Narley likes this.

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