Finally know who I am

Discussion in 'Does She Like Me?' started by anonymous_, Jul 15, 2015.

  1. anonymous_

    anonymous_ Member

    May 30, 2015
    Likes Received:
    Hey guys,

    First I'd like to thank everyone on here at how supportive you can all be. I posted on here a good few months back regarding the good old 'confuision' anyhow I've figured or accepted I am a lesbian.
    Wondered if you'd help me to know how to approach a crush I've had a few years back, it died down when I qualified and now she's back in touch and I'm listing for her more than ever.

    So she message asking how I was out of the blue, shes always liking and posting LGBT posts etc and something just tweaks that she's gay (I hope haha) so she said we should meet up when I'm next over her way (she knows I've had girl experiences and that I split from my boyfriend) after lots of conversations I asked her if she fancied meeting up last weekend but she said she was already out, I just don't want to ask her to go out again and seem to eager. I like her a ridiculous amount and don't want to spoil things. She's always liking my posts on Facebook and she's 27 and never had a relationship. Do I ask her to go out again or do I leave the door open for her to get in touch? The last time we spoke was last week I told her how special she was on that she should always remember that when she's down her reply was:

    Bless you thanks *my name haha*- you're both special and "special" too xxx

    Help please?
  2. lorienczhiu

    lorienczhiu Well-Known Member

    Jul 18, 2013
    Likes Received:
    If she's 27 and never had a relationship, she is probably in the habit of ignoring flirtation and saying no to offers. It's a self-defense mechanism - if you don't get involved, you don't get hurt, so you get really good at keeping it flirty, friend-zoning folks, and going on quasi-dates that never turn the corner. There are lots of reasons she might keep that wall up - maybe she's gay but not quite ready to deal emotionally with it, or maybe she's just good old fashioned gun-shy. But whatever the reason, I don't think that it is magically going to come together if you keep messaging and hanging out, because a 27-year-old singleton is a pro at keeping things light.So tone down the wanting her in your messages, and spend some time just reconnecting as friends. Pushing the flirtation with her early on will feel great, and she'll probably participate, but I would bet it will scare her a little and make it harder to actually meet up with her. Tell her you'd like to actually meet up and catch up in person, and when works for her? And then go from there.

    Once she is comfortable with you again, you can see if the feeling is mutual. And if you want to pursue a relationship with her then, you are probably going to need to ask point-blank and cut off the exits... in the gentlest way possible. Because, like I said, I suspect she's pretty experienced at leaving things ambiguous, and without a conversation and a "yes, let's do this thing" you'll be having a romantic time and she's just out to coffee with a friend.

    (I used to be really good at that. Went on dates that I kind of knew had been intended to be dates, but I just said yes to going to a movie with a friend, you know? And then my first date with my wife was so ambiguous that we ended up going dancing and skinny dipping with no funny business and no good night kiss. Girl actually got me out of my clothes on our first date, and it got her nowhere! So don't underestimate the power of ambiguity and deniability at frustrating your best intentions.)
    Moses likes this.

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