fighting to not fall for bestie

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by anon62333, May 5, 2015.

?

Do I...

  1. tell her I want to fuck her?

    50.0%
  2. stfu and keep fucking myself?

    50.0%
  1. anon62333

    anon62333 Member

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    We refer to one another as bestie. No, we're not in our teens, although we act like it sometimes. She is someone whom I met after becoming a 'grown up', so she stays very separate from my group of childhood friends, she's known to them and my family. Our relationship appears to be too easy going, fun, at the same time too intense for a platonic friendship. My childhood friends would tease me about it. We lived together years before, and we have been living together again in the last few months. I've always thought she was beautiful. It's funny, but there has always been a sense of pride hanging out with her. Even my brothers go all googoogahgah around her. Cut to the chase, I think I'm starting to find her sexually attractive. And in the last couple of months, I have been giving her a hard time while trying to fight this feeling away. Poor thing, I don't mean to say mean things, or be so extra careless and nonchalant with stuff. But I'm afraid that if I were to act like myself, it would become painfully obvious that I want her. I don't think I should go there. I treasure this friendship more than most things in my life. Any words of wisdom?
     
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  2. Bluenote

    Bluenote Well-Known Member

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    Don't be a jackass to her in an attempt to cover your feelings, that never turns out good.

    1) Is she straight or gay?
    2) Does she know you are gay?
    3) Is she cool with gay people?
    4) Is there any chance things are mutual?

    I need more info to suggest how you should proceed.
     
    #2
  3. anon62333

    anon62333 Member

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    To make matters worse, she's going steady with a guy atm. She mentioned dating a girl in high school. She knows I'm all over the place, meaning I haven't had a serious relationship since I met her. And she knows about my casual girls and boys, here and there. We've never really mentioned the word 'gay' amongst us. We have mutual friends who identify as gay, so I know she's cool with it. See, the mutual feeling side of things aren't so clear. I don't think she's into me. I think that I'm probably the person whom she's most comfortable being around (with all the walking around naked, sailor mouth, farting.. sorry tmi?). I mean the situation I'm in is pretty new, platonic all the way before. I don't know. Perhaps this too shall pass?
     
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  4. Bluenote

    Bluenote Well-Known Member

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    Well, if she's going steady with a guy, I think the only option is to back off.

    Yes, having crushes does pass.

    Try to get some distance from her. Spend time with other friends, join clubs or groups, go to the gym a lot.

    If you want a gf or bf, you could try online dating, meet ups and good old fashioned going to clubs.
     
    #4
    Just Me and greylin like this.
  5. Spygirl

    Spygirl Well-Known Member

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    Well, STFU (these were your options, so I'm going with it). Unless she's given you any indication that she is remotely even interested in you in any way more than friendship...or "bestie friendship"...then stop, just stop. If she's not flirting with you or acting suggestively or giving you any reason that she's entertaining anything other than friendship...and well, she's going out with a guy so that's indication number one...then you know your answer. Nothing you have said gives me any indication that she feels anything for you...in fact, you said you don't think she's into you. And yes, unrequited relationships suck.

    So, you have two options: you can either be completely selfish and fuck up a perfectly amazing friendship by telling her you're into her in more than a friends way...or you can put the friendship first. I'd do the latter.
     
    #5
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  6. anon62333

    anon62333 Member

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    Yup. I thought so. The obvious still needs to be pointed out sometime. Thanks, guys!
     
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