Fell for her too quickly.. now I'm the shell of the woman I once was

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by u-45659812, May 2, 2017.

  1. u-45659812

    u-45659812 New Member

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    I am new to this having never really asked for advice on a forum before . you guys seem like a bunch of wise ladies though, so I thought I'd give this a go.

    I'm 27 year old and currently dating this absolutely amazing , intelligent , kind, independent woman. We've been chatting for about a month , met up , dated for a couple of months and have been a steady couple for almost three months now.
    She's absolutely great and everything I'm looking for in a life partner , sometimes I find myself shaking my head in disbelief and thinking 'this can't be real, how did I get so lucky?"
    I found myself falling for her 2 months after we first met up and known for a fact for a while now. yet I can't bring myself to say it out loud. mainly because I feel that it's too early and she isn't there yet . I mean ... she's never short of complimenting me and making me feel special, she would cook meals for me and gives me undivided attention when we are together. Yet as soon as she gets away she would be completely engrossed in her own life , work, hobbies, friends and interests. As I said , she's a fierce independent woman, and that's what first appealed so much to me! but so was I ...or used to be anyway , until she came along.

    I used to be confident, charming and independent and a big part of my self identity relies on these three stepping stones, at the moment though I feel like I'm the shell of the woman I once was. I spend a good part of my spare time thinking about her , doubting myself , belittling myself when comparing to her and how cool she is..and mentally preparing myself to my worst nightmare : that one day she's gonna get bored of me / think I'm not so special and walk away. and I'm gonna be heartbroken.

    with this in mind. I already feel so vulnerable and feel that by completely opening up about how I feel for her I might just give myself the ultimate blow to my already bruised ego and self confidence. not to mention , I think a big part of why she liked me in the first place has got to do with my confidence (which is slowly evaporating by the hour..)

    also.. has anybody else come across a passage in how I met your mother when they talk about 'reachers and settlers' in a relationship model? thought they were joking at first cause it was never like this with my past relationships but I feel like a total reacher just now...
     
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  2. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

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    You are not reaching, you are tripping! Man, get a hold of yourself, lol. You got a good woman, just grin like a Cheshire cat and enjoy it. Why even compare yourself to your woman? She likes you as her equal and you need to respect her for that. Respect her choices and get out of this head space. She hasn't kicked you out yet then you are doing fine. I think you are so happy for once that you really worry about losing this happiness. Try pinching yourself and live in the present and if you are constantly living some place where you are just pointing a plaintive finger on what's wrong with you in that future where you think you will eff everything up then you are not living in the present.

    Coupling takes two, and you have a beautiful now, the present. I hope you keep building the connections you have with this woman and take this as a journey and not a personality or achievement test.

    BTW, I understand the way you feel. Sometimes, I do feel like I am partnering "up", because my gf is amazing. Then I just have to remember to be content with my gf's choices. :D
     
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    Last edited: May 2, 2017
    Spygirl likes this.
  3. u-45659812

    u-45659812 New Member

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    Thank you for the gentle "wise the f** up"- shake Greylin , I guess I needed it .lol.
    In response to your question ' why even comparing myself to her?" Believe me , I genuinely don't want to do that either. it just happens though . like .. we would be having just about any random conversation and my mind would be caught wondering what an amazing and kind human being she is, then my eyes get heart-shaped and (being the introspective person I am ) I go like ''fuck I'm a terrible person (in comparison).. "

    She makes me want to become a better version of myself , work on the rough edges of my personality and I absolutely love her for that . but it comes at a cost . the cost of feeling inadequate , like I just won the lottery and I am taking a trip to the titanic (well.. modern floating version of that) with a bunch of classy millionaires and people might see through that I don't belong there..it's a similar kinda feeling.

    I'm gonna take your advice and focus more on the present , (maybe practice the superman pose in the bathroom a few times a day for added confidence :p). The ''be content with my gf's choices'' bit really hit home btw , thank you for that.
     
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  4. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

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    Haha, that is adorable, being a better person is good, please don't lose yourself, I bet your gf likes you just the way you are.
     
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  5. Spygirl

    Spygirl Well-Known Member

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    Putting yourself out there means being vulnerable, and that's okay! Don't overthink it and just revel in being loved for who you are :)
     
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  6. Flashover

    Flashover Member

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    This actually reminds me a lot of one of my past relationships. How did it turn out for you?
     
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