Feels like our relationship is making me feel...

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by Livie, May 1, 2014.

  1. Livie

    Livie Active Member

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    So we've been together for something like 3 years… and she’s the best person I know, I love her A LOT. We always had a very good connection, talked about anything, and haven’t really had any problems we haven’t been able to talk out. My girlfriend’s always been more or less depressed, like in period, since she’s been small… one of the things we have talked about.

    But now I don’t know, I get that she haven’t been feeling good at all lately, but she doesn’t really talk about it… and she’s acting in a destructive way… experimenting with lots of drugs en stuff… We are both quite drug liberal and like to have a good time, but this is different and she’s keeping it from me. Feels like she’s keeping everything from me now a days… but the thing is we live together and I totally figure when she lies, I’m not even looking for lies… I don’t want her to lie. I’ve asked her to stop ‘cause I feel like I destroys our use-to-be-good relationship, I can’t trust her anymore about anything.

    So basically, I don’t know what to do, just let the lies slip, or constantly confront her… she did ask me to “let her be” or something when she was upset… I tried to explain that if she just disappear and lie about it… do drugs and stuff whenever, it affects me too, so how can I just let her me? Plus I really care about her and just want her to be fine… And it all just stresses me the fuck up... when she's not at home I constantly worried about what she's doing...

    Well, that was just basically a lot of rambling but just wanted to get it out.. I guess the point is that our relationship feels a bit like a bruden...But I want to be with her and live with her and all that I fucking love her! Well... Maybe someone else's been through some troble in paradie...
     
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  2. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

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    Re: Feels like our relationship is making me ...

    I know in your heart you want to be with her through thick and thin, in sickness and in health and all that. However, not everyone can take a depressed, drugged out person on a daily basis. Talk about coming home to stress! I can't imagine what you are going through.

    I suspect your partner is self medicating because she probably had stumbled onto something stronger that had made her feel so good she can't resist chasing that next amount that would work like that again. She needs intervention and counseling. You probably need to call some support groups for partners in the same situation. There is no shame on you moving out and please don't take responsibility for her usage and what might happen if you "abandoned" her. You, You, You need to be well.

    As for the lying, it is a natural consequence of her wanting to figure this out herself but she is in over her head.
     
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  3. Livie

    Livie Active Member

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    Re: Feels like our relationship is making me ...

    Thanks for the answer.

    She is kind of trying though, she been to see somebody about the drugs... it's not like she's strung out.. she kind of maybe was for a while, but it's a bit better, I think, feel like I can't know for sure, but she's not like HIGH all the time maybe just some strong anxiety pills now and then...

    But yeah it feels kind of good to have someone say that it's ok to not have the patient/strength/what-ever to handle it... because if it keeps being like shit all the time... I don't think I do. But for now I'm riding it out, it's actually been sort of almost a good couple of days lately.
     
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  4. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

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    Re: Feels like our relationship is making me ...

    Hi Livie, I know so little about the 12 steps program except for friends who have described them to me. A friend of mine has such a bad thing with alcohol she cannot live with people who drink casually. She was doing very good on her own for a while and then she had a relative over who drank a glass of wine every night and offered her some. I tell ya, that was like giving candy to a bear! One taste of candy a bear would tear apart a car just from the scent to get to it. Your gf may not have been like a bear before with the drugs but she is probably more so now. I don't completely understand being able to completely abstain from something myself because I am the rebellious type but for my friend it took her a while to figure out this stuff's just a mental toxin for her and it was just so not fun to start it up again.

    In a long-winded way, I am suggesting that if you are having some recreational drugs in the house to clear the place of it for now. You might want to abstain yourself till you get some sound advice from a support group, etc. Also, I am glad you guys are doing better lately, good luck. :)
     
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  5. Livie

    Livie Active Member

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    Re: Feels like our relationship is making me ...

    I did ask her to just dispose of it all, like, bags, paper, anything that has anything to do with the stuff, but she was like "no, I don't want to do that" and that was the end of that... ‘cause she have asked me to not pressure her about it and I don’t want to either. I have also completely changed my before-relaxed view on drug, I’ve made a point to tell my friends and my gf too that I don't want to try/take anything ever again (that's at least what it feels like now) however recreational it might be.
     
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  6. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

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    Re: Feels like our relationship is making me ...

    Livie, I do admire the heck out of you. You are doing everything right. You are giving her space and respecting her boundaries instead of doing the co-dependent thing of throwing her stuff away. I hope you can establish some boundaries for yourself, whatever they maybe, in your bid to stay the course and be well.

    I also find that you are a true liberal about drug use, you seem to adapt to the circumstances. Have a good day.
     
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  7. Livie

    Livie Active Member

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    Re: Feels like our relationship is making me ...

    Well, thank you! That actually felt really good to hear (or read!).

    And yes I am very liberal in most ways, I truly believe that people should be able to make their own decisions and so forth... as long as it doesn’t hurt anybody (though drug use can really hurt people in lots of ways).
     
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