Feels impossible to meet women like me

Discussion in 'Advice on Meeting Women' started by geekygirl33, Apr 28, 2015.

  1. geekygirl33

    geekygirl33 New Member

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    I'm a very young 40 year old, who's known I was gay for a very long time, but I was in a hetero marriage, and for lots of complicated reasons, we stayed together until about 7 months ago. Now I'm free to date and find friends and at first it felt very exciting, but so far, I've not met a single lesbian at all. Not even one. I realize I'm obviously looking in the wrong places, like stupid social media apps, or dating sites. But that has yielded no results at all. I'm not even necessarily looking for a serious relationship, I'd just enjoy meeting friends like me if nothing else. Although ultimately, I am hoping to find a relationship before I'm dead at least. I have been caged for most of my life and now that I'm free, I guess I thought this would be easier. How silly of me.

    I have a gay male friend who took me to a gay bar for my first time, but I really didn't see any girls I'd like, and no one obviously liked me. The only action I got was being kissed by a gay man as a joke, and then he walked away. Figures I go to a gay bar and get kissed by a man. This is my life.

    I live in a pretty small town, so there are no meet ups or groups or a big gay or lesbian presence. We had to travel a bit just to get to the bar. But what should I do that I'm not doing? I'm lonely and getting a little sad about it. I just wonder how those of you who do have lesbian friends or are in relationships, actually met one another. Thanks to anyone who tries to help.
     
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  2. aussie_gabby

    aussie_gabby Well-Known Member

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    Hi :) small towns can be a bit hard to find people. Where about a in the world are you located (if you don't mind me asking)? Is there a city near(ish) by.

    I've had some luck with online dating. I've also made some great friends though online sites. Some friends I've managed to meet some are online (due to being in different counties etc).
     
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  3. geekygirl33

    geekygirl33 New Member

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    I'm in California, but not in a major city. I'm in a rural area. If I wanted to drive two hours, I could be in the mecca of San Francisco, but that's not really feasible to do very often, due to work, money, not having anyone to go with, etc. Is there an especially good online dating site you've had luck with? I've done Okcupid, Plentyoffish, and one other one, that was strictly for women, but there were no women within 200 miles of me on there! It's so frustrating....
     
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  4. aussie_gabby

    aussie_gabby Well-Known Member

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    Well I'm Australian so I don't think that site will help you.

    Maybe you find a meetup group in San Fran. Money, time, all of that I know but you don't have to go every week.

    Save a little, find a meetup group you think you might be interested in and go try and make some new friends. If you do, then at least you'll of made some new friends and have people to go visit.

    That'd be my advice. Otherwise, start with some online friends, pen pals....
     
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  5. Bluenote

    Bluenote Well-Known Member

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    Small towns can be hard. I agree with Aussie Gabby to make an effort to travel to meet people. It doesn't have to be SF, but if areas closer have meetups.

    You could also try activities that aren't specifically gay, but that lots of gay women like- outdoor activities, certain concerts, sporting events, etc...

    I met my wife through straight friends. So don't discount the power of just getting out there and socializing more.
     
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  6. sela9

    sela9 Well-Known Member

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    Try Tinder. I know people knock it all the time, but I have actually had a few friends meet good, solid, pretty girls on that app. Do you play sports at all? Joining a soccer or softball league could be good. Any sports groups are great. You also have no idea who could be gay that comes off as straight...I'm sure being in CA, there are many around you even if you aren't in a big town. Be patient and just enjoy the journey of meeting new people as a "lesbian".
     
    #6
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  7. jellohead

    jellohead Well-Known Member

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    Need more work and more money? Get a part time job for a few hours on Saturday then hit the lady clubs or groups afterwards. Voila!
     
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  8. Eloise

    Eloise Well-Known Member

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    You could always start a meetup group for your area and see what kind of response you get. There are probably more women in your area than you think, and they're all in the same boat you are.
     
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  9. JustJina

    JustJina New Member

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    Are you planning on staying where you live? I'm dealing with trying to decide where to relocate out of frustration of being in a similar situation.
     
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