Feelings For Friend

Discussion in 'Does She Like Me?' started by keepinitreal, Sep 25, 2015.

  1. keepinitreal

    keepinitreal Active Member

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    I have a friend (we can call her X) I've known for about a year. We clicked so well and just became friends very easily. But she always had a girlfriend, so I kept silent about my feelings and just stayed her friend. I tried to date other girls here and there but nothing really materialized. Not gonna lie, though, I was always hoping that maybe one day X would be single. It sounded like she was in a bad relationship that was always having problems.

    There have been a lot of small clues that she may have been slightly more interested in me than just a friend. There's no denying that we are really compatible and have great chemistry. However it never went very far because she was in a relationship. So it's still kind of ambiguous. Also, although she may suspect I like her, I've been keeping my feelings for her secret because I felt like it would be shady of me to say anything while she was in a relationship. I felt that it would have caused a lot of drama.

    Well I guess she broke up with her gf once and for all. It's been about a week and I've just been playing it casual although I've tried to text her a little bit more. However I've definitely got some anxiety about how to approach the situation now. I really do like her and don't wanna miss my chance yet I also don't want to suddenly jump on her when she's fresh out of a multi year relationship.

    Do I just try to let things progress naturally or do I make some definitive moves?
     
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  2. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

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    This somehow reminds me of a Seinfeld episode where Jerry and Elaine were needing dates, so they targeted people who were fresh off of relationships by saying, "Hey, I am there for you."

    I know you are a good friend to her and you are very considerate of her feelings unlike the aforementioned characters on a sitcom. That is why you are not making a move and try to put thoughts on here.

    I think I would just tell her. I mean, I would say, "I know you are recovering from this relationship and I don't want to be insensitive to your recovery period. I just want to tell you how much I want you and have wanted you all this time but could not tell you because you were in this relationship." This way it is honest. You can tell her you still want to be there for her now as a friend and you don't expect her to respond to you in any other way no matter how you feel.

    So, you can be there for her and keep your feelings unspoken and wait for her to be ready or let her know what you really have been wanting from her all along.
     
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  3. Bluenote

    Bluenote Well-Known Member

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    This. I think that it is way better than pretending to be the comforting friend when you also want in her pants.

    But it could take her a long time to get over her last relationship. You don't want to be the rebound. So are you prepared to wait while she sorts things out?
     
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  4. keepinitreal

    keepinitreal Active Member

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    Thanks for the responses. Yeah i'm kind of a mix of weird emotions right now because I have no clue how to proceed. I guess in my mind all I thought about was hoping she would maybe be single one day and didn't really think beyond that. I don't have enough information on whether or not she is super torn up over this or not yet. It seems that the breakup was a long, long time coming so I would expect that it's not the most heartbreaking of breakups, but I'm sure it's not a walk in the park for her either.

    The strange thing is, she never talked to me much about her relationship at all when we would hang out. She would rarely even mention her girlfriend. So it seems like that will continue. And I'm not trying to masquerade as a shoulder to cry on right now for the reason you mentioned. It would feel weird. I've always kept pretty good boundaries as far as being neutral about her relationship and never saying anything either way.

    I'm wondering though, should I just flat out tell her I have feelings, or should I just let a little bit of time pass and try to let things happen naturally so to speak? Like flirt a little or something, or just spend more time with her, or just kiss her one night (haha)?
     
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    Last edited: Sep 27, 2015
  5. Frazier

    Frazier Well-Known Member

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    Looks like you have to tread carefully or you might get 'friendzoned' with no way out!Greylin may be spot-on.Tell her I'm here for you and start dating her-A LOT,court her without being so obvious,make her sleep over,give her treats,up the chemistry and see what happens.....
     
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  6. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

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    If she likes you or sees you more than a friend, the good news is that she didn't complain about her relationship while she was in it to groom you into a flirting affair. I have seen people where they may not straight out cheat but they get people to feel freer to do some serious flirting because their "wives don't understand them." The flip side is if she sees you that way why hasn't she made a move, it has been a while now and sounds like the relationship had been dead for a while prior to breakup? I hope it is because she needs time or she is not the first move type. Or maybe her relationship had been so exhausting she hasn't considered another one. Be that as it may, if you like her, tell her. If you don't with your lips whether in words or kisses, it will come from you some other way.

    It is hard to hide such things and all you can do with someone, especially someone you like a lot is to be sincere. Even if she says no right now, let her know how wonderful you think she is and if it is something you want, pledge your friendship and let her be. Sometimes, it takes a bit for someone to wake up to a romantic possibility. I hope you will find happiness with your crush.
     
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  7. iceblinkluck

    iceblinkluck Member

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    No one can tell you definitively what you should or shouldn't do. Personally, I don't think this is the right time to declare your (obviously significant) feelings. If I were her that would make me feel weird regardless of any potential feelings I have for you. Since you already know her pretty well you have the luxury of letting things happen naturally.

    I would say you should absolutely be honest, but let it show in your behavior rather than just unloading on this girl. Like another poster said, don't pretend to be "the comforter", and don't be available every single time she asks. It's taken me decades to learn that part of what allows people to fall in love is having the ability to give, or to chase...if you're doing all the giving and chasing, you fall harder and she doesn't get the chance to fall for you. Those two things should keep you out of the friend zone. Otherwise, act naturally and flirt when appropriate. Sounds like you have a good chance. :) Best of luck.
     
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  8. keepinitreal

    keepinitreal Active Member

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    So, due to some circumstances (travel, etc) I haven't been able to see her for a bit, which was probably good as it gave her some time to process. In the last week or two, however, we've been slowly texting more and more. And it's pretty reciprocal, we take turns initiating each day it seems. Not super long convos but cute. We've been swapping book recommendations, and it's been a good excuse to just reach out and say hi. This is pretty different from how she used to act, she never used to text me just to chat. She did once in a blue moon but it was so rare.

    Today I texted her about plans for tomo and she was like "oh I was going to text you today and ask about [something we had talked about earlier]" but work was crazy busy for her (which is legit due to her job). So I guess she was thinking about me.

    So I dunno. Good signs you think? I am quite caught between the let it develop naturally camp and the just say it camp. I'll see her tomorrow though so maybe I can feel her out.
     
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  9. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

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    Things have been happening naturally it seems and it is very good she is initiating conversations. See what she has to say. You'll know when the time comes and all them camps will be far from your mind.

    For what it's worth, I have never gone wordy on declarations of love. It has always been simple 3 words and/or a kiss. A simple hug and cheek kiss when you part could also get her thinking.
     
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    Last edited: Oct 9, 2015
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  10. iceblinkluck

    iceblinkluck Member

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    Again, not going to tell you how to live your life, but I guess I just wonder what is the rush? It really does sound like things are going well. In fact, I doubt you could hope for better when just two weeks ago or so she was in a relationship. I still say take it easy and enjoy the ride; no need to hasten the timeline.
     
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