Feeling so sad and lonely.

Discussion in 'General Advice' started by Annica1982, Jul 22, 2016.

  1. Annica1982

    Annica1982 New Member

    Jul 22, 2016
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    Hi everyone,

    I'm a 34-year old from Finland. I've bee single for a long time. I had a boyfriend when I was 18. At the same time I realized I was in love with a friend who was a girl. So I broke up with my bf. Eventually I told my friend about my feelings. She didn't feel the same about me, and she ended our friendship. She thought it's best we are not friends anymore. Naturally I was devastated. I lost a friend and eventually I lost my best friend too. 5 year of friendship ended just like that. I got depressed, and unfortunately I'm still depressed about it. And it happened 2001 (15 years ago!). I know, I know.

    Anyway since then I've had depression. I have antidepressants, and I've had 3 years of psychotherapy. Still I miss them. So much.

    In 2008 I fell in love again, and I told her. Big mistake. It ended badly. I don't want to talk about that.

    So nowadays I feel really lonely. I have no friends and no gf. (I'm bi, but more interested in girls.) My parents are all I have. I know there are millions of people who don't have what I have (parents, big brother, a home and money).

    But still it feels so unfair that my ex-friends have each other and other friends.. And are happy. I want to be happy too!

    I miss my ex-friends so much, it hurts so much. I'm still (after 15 years) heartbroken and devastated.

    Like I mentioned I have no friends to hang out with. It's probably not a surprised that I'm a virgin (at 34..). I've been so depressed so it hasn't been "on my mind". But since I turned like 30 I feel like a freak. Everywhere I see people in love, people (young) with kids. I can't help but wonder if it will ever happen to me. I know people say "oh, you'll find someone", but no-one can know that for sure. Oh, I want so much to fall in love and be happy, but I can't force it to happen.

    I wonder who will be the one who saves me from this terrible loneliness. I hope it (love relationship) will last forever. At this age I don't have time to waste. But I think you'll know if she's the one..

    I just want to be happyy. But I can't be happy, because I miss my former friends and I don't have anyone to help and support me and love me (=girlfriend).

    I'm so jealous of anyone who has somebody special in her/his life. And true real friends. Not crap like mine were. I can't stand the thought that they are having fun without me..

    And I want to enjoy summer and hang out with friends. But now I don't want to do anything, just sleep to forget everything. Oh, then I dream about people I've lost. That does not help.

    I wrote this because I wonder if there is anyone out there who is in a similar situation. Someone who can give advice what to do. How to move on.

    I need someone to talk to.

    Maybe here are people from Finland or Sweden.

    I speak Swedish, Finnish and English.

  2. TheScandinavian

    TheScandinavian Well-Known Member

    Jan 15, 2016
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    I am neither from Finland or Sweden but at least a from the same continent, so that's a start... Anyway....

    People often don't feel like we do, seems to be more often if we're a part of the LGBTQIA community but still-sometimes you just don't. It can happen to anyone and it's about finding that someone you'll click with instantly.
    I can assure you that you're not the only one feeling lonely & alone as well as misunderstood. However, I noticed that you have a somewhat part-realistic view of your life-you, yourself mentioned how lucky you are to have your family, a home & money to support yourself. But then, again-they can't really give one the need of a friend & a lover and that sucks balls.... Still-you are lonely but are you really sure that you are?

    I suggest you join some groups of interests, Internet also helps and you can actually request to find someone in Finland ('cause, let's be real here-online friends can be cool & all but we all need physical touch even if it's a simple hug). You work so get in touch with your colleagues-go out more often; if clubs aren't your cup of tea, then coffee shops or even the parks when the weather's at least decent. Go to the library...

    I am a lot younger than you but I don't think that you should be ashamed to be a virgin-I assume you want your first time to be with someone special and that's admirable. Sure, it can be a bummer for some but it'd be a test which the not worthy will pass.

    As for therapy-how's that going? Is it helping you even a bit? Please let me know.
  3. wonderlust

    wonderlust Well-Known Member

    Jul 20, 2014
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    While I'm nowhere near where you are, here's what I've come to know, friends can come from just about anywhere but sometimes you've got to somewhat put yourself out there.

    I'm pretty sure that almost everyone regardless of what they are, have felt lonely and alone in one way or another. The fact that you've at least reached out here is a good thing, it's a start. I won't say that I've felt loneliness to the degree that you have but in the moments when I felt stuck in a similar rut-- I just make a conscious effort to get out of it. And as cliche as it sounds, sometimes you really just have to embrace your aloneness, give yourself some love before finding someone or others to do it for you.

    Use some of your time to discover who you are, yes, it will require rolling out of bed. Pursue your interests or at least try out stuff/activities you've been wanting to. It's where you'd find likeminded people to begin with. The friendship can follow.

    We really can't dwell on the things others have or love we've lost in the past, coz that's exactly the sort of anchor that'll prevent you from sailing into the future. I'm gonna say conscious effort again, when your thoughts are tugging you towards this direction, distract yourself. Work on you. That way you can be that friend you'd like to befriend or that date you'd want to date.

    34 is not old. And it's only wasted time if you don't do anything with it.

    Hang in there... And hey, you've come to the right place--- pretty sure you'd find good company on this site at some point. People are more often than not friendly.
  4. hum_dinger

    hum_dinger Well-Known Member

    May 16, 2013
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    Hi Annica, first of all I'm sorry to hear you feel so lonely. It's an awful feeling. I recently moved back home after a break up and most of the friends I had here have moved on. I am lucky that I still have a few solid friendships, but I still feel that loneliness, although perhaps not to the same degree as you. It sucks to feel as though people you once loved have moved on but I agree with wonderlust, it is an anchor and will hold you back from meeting someone else.

    You have definitely come to the right place here. There will be loads of people who want to chat and you never know who you could meet.

    Echoing what the others have said, if you can identify a hobby or something you have an interest in, maybe try and find a local club for that thing and at least you already have something in common to start you off. I can be rubbish when it comes to meeting new people but it can be exciting and open your world up to new possibilities.

    Don't worry that you are a virgin still, it's nothing to be ashamed of. Finding the right person is so important. I don't suppose you've tried internet dating?

    If you want to talk ever, just message me. Let me know how things are going. Good luck
    BatWoman likes this.
  5. Annica1982

    Annica1982 New Member

    Jul 22, 2016
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    Hi there,

    So where are you from?

    Yes I'm really lonely. Weekends are the worst because on weekends you should be out with your friends having fun. So I feel kinda left out. On Friday I saw one of my former friends (not the one I was in love with). We just kinda stared at each other and said nothing. My day was ruined. I still miss her.

    I don't work so I don't have any colleagues. I am on sickness pension (if that's the real word for it) so I get my money from there.

    I don't like clubs. I don't drink alcohol.

    I want my first time to be with someone I'm in love with.

    I've had therapy for 3 years but it has now ended. It helped me a little but I'm still sad, depressed and still missing my friends.


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