Feeling lost

Discussion in 'General Advice' started by despicably-delirious, Feb 24, 2015.

  1. despicably-delirious

    Joined:
    Dec 26, 2014
    Messages:
    10
    Likes Received:
    7
    I don't really know what I am looking for here. Maybe just someone who understands what I'm going through. My girlfriend broke up with me, I posted previously about how she didn't see a future for us and well apparently that didn't change. She said deep down she didn't think I was the one. She acknowledged we had a great relationship, she continuously told me that she loved me and that I was such an amazing person that she learned so much from. She said she's reached a point in her life where she needs to be with someone that she's going to settle down with for life. I guess I'm just really hurt. I saw a future for us. I'm absolutely crazy about her and now I don't know how to be without her. She wants to be friends, but honestly if I ever saw her fall in love with someone else I think it would tear me apart. I don't want her out of my life but I just don't know what to do. I feel like she made a mistake and I don't want to hold onto that hope, but how exactly do I let go of it?
     
    #1
  2. aussie_gabby

    aussie_gabby Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Dec 10, 2014
    Messages:
    301
    Likes Received:
    257
    I think a lot of people have been in this situation at one stage.

    It sucks.

    To be honest, I found that only time and space helped. If you are still in love with her, the take some time to be away from her. Spend more time with friends. Talk about it, it helps.

    And as time goes by it will get a little bit easier. Just a bit. And then a bit more. That might sound a little bit cliche but it's true.

    The best thing you can do is work on what you need. Because you love her it's hard to stay away, hard to say I need some time. But, that's what helped me a few times :)
     
    #2
    Nancy and Spygirl like this.
  3. Spygirl

    Spygirl Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 2, 2013
    Messages:
    743
    Likes Received:
    1,058
    Been there and cried a lot. I get it.

    There's a Bonnie Raitt song that I remember hearing shortly after this happened (yeah, it was a long time ago)...called "I Can't Make You Love Me"...to this day it resonates.

    If there's any solace to be had...be thankful that she's being honest with you. It really really sucks to hurt someone (and I've been on the flip side of the coin and in your g/f's shoes as well). Be thankful that she's not playing games. And, after you've let yourself grieve and cry and be angry...take solace in the fact that you aren't someone's consolation prize. Think of it this way -- would you rather have someone pretend to be as into you as you are into her for the sole reason of not hurting your feelings? You deserve better. You deserve someone to love you EXACTLY the way you love her...someone who sees the same things, the same future, the same dreams, the same goals....

    For you to heal, I'd recommend giving yourself some distance away. Perhaps you can be friends in the future -- because the emotional turmoil you're feeling will eventually fade. You need to give yourself some time alone to grieve...and then ultimately to heal.
     
    #3
    Last edited: Feb 25, 2015
    Bluenote likes this.
  4. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 2, 2013
    Messages:
    1,504
    Likes Received:
    618
    Give yourself time and space to heal. See you friends, imerce yourself in a hobby/sport, keep yourself from feeling too awful. It's ok to grieve the end of the relationship but don't let it rule your every action. Keep your mind occupied and maybe after some time you may be in a better head space to be friends with your ex. Only time can give you that clarity. Look after yourself, good luck.
     
    #4
    Bluenote and Spygirl like this.
  5. despicably-delirious

    Joined:
    Dec 26, 2014
    Messages:
    10
    Likes Received:
    7
    The whole time thing does sound very cliche but I know its true. And yeah its so incredibly hard to stay away and to let go of everything we had.

    Spygirl, yes I would rather she pretended! I'm kidding. No, not really I guess. I'm still in the 'I'm absolutely crazy in love with her' stage so its hard for me to even contemplate someone to love me exactly the way I love her.

    Thank you ladies, it just helps to get out how I'm feeling. My thoughts are all over the place, I don't even know if I'm responding correctly to what you've all said. But thank you.
     
    #5
    Nancy likes this.
  6. Just Me

    Just Me Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 4, 2013
    Messages:
    414
    Likes Received:
    382
    Also, don't think your being a bitch if you can't be friends after.

    It's ok to tell her it's too hard to be friends and you need not to see her until you've got yourself together. It takes a special breed to want to go to a club and hang out with their ex right after a break up...
     
    #6
    rac, Bluenote and Nancy like this.
  7. fridolph

    fridolph Member

    Joined:
    Jan 26, 2015
    Messages:
    23
    Likes Received:
    1
    Letting go is a process. I mean......it's not one day when you woke up and you realise you are over her. You have to learn to face the fact that you're not meant for each other. I think it's better than forcing her to stay with you though she doesn't love you anymore. You will end up hurting each other. Time will come that whatever wound will heal if you will let yourself to see other things around you. You're not first person that get hurts and not the last to cope up.
     
    #7
  8. LPretreat

    LPretreat Active Member

    Joined:
    Feb 10, 2015
    Messages:
    29
    Likes Received:
    6
    I've been through this, like many people have. It is extremely hard and right now you feel like you won't be able to move on, but you will get to a better place. I know I did. Unfortunately the people that we fall in love with don't always feel the same... Or at least, their feelings don't remain the same. Even though it's hard to accept, it's better to know the truth. Imagine if she did stay with you and didn't love you the same way you love her. When you're spending the rest of your life with someone the feelings should always be mutual. So take all of the time you need to feel better. Try to find comfort in your interests and friends/family. And if you ever need a good distraction feel free to message me because I'm always up for some conversation. I hope you feel better soon and try to distance yourself from her a bit. It will help you get past this. Also, don't look at this as only a loss. You learn something from every relationship you have and this one surely has shown you what you want from a significant other.
     
    #8
  9. rac

    rac Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 8, 2014
    Messages:
    274
    Likes Received:
    251
    This... Liking this is not enough, I had to say I agree 100%
     
    #9
  10. despicably-delirious

    Joined:
    Dec 26, 2014
    Messages:
    10
    Likes Received:
    7
    Sorry I've only seen these replies now. I'm afraid I'm in denial at the moment? I'm not really sure if I am but I'm oddly okay with everything. I know that I deserve someone to love me as much as I loved her and to treat me the way I would like to be treated instead of constantly feeling like I'm banging my head against a brick wall. But, I miss the affection. I miss cuddles and all that sort of stuff ;). That's been the hardest part for me when I'm alone in bed and just want a good spoon ha. So maybe I'm in denial or maybe I've much more stages of grief to come which I'm dreading.

    Megha we weren't together that long so I can't imagine my pain is anywhere as near as bad as yours may be. But I have been trying new stuff. I'm going through a major transition in my life and changing everything about it. They're all things I want and have wanted for awhile so its not a rash decision but it does help to make you feel better. I just worry that the not thinking about it is me avoiding dealing with it.

    Right now I don't know if I can be her friend and I don't know if I want to, to be honest. I do feel bad about that because I've heard she's having a hard time at the minute but I guess it isn't my responsibility anymore.

    And thank you LPretreat for the conversation offer.

    Thank you all, I'm doing alright at the moment and have taken comfort in your messages. I'm just hoping this feeling doesnt change!!
     
    #10
    ThenAndNow likes this.
  11. jellohead

    jellohead Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 6, 2015
    Messages:
    49
    Likes Received:
    25
    I have never been a fan of "staying friends" after a break up. After all, would you respect them as a friend if they did this to someone else? Give yourself the gift of dusting yourself off and starting your new life! The new one where you are free to find the one who will love you for who you are and never let go.
     
    #11
    rac and aussie_gabby like this.

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice