Feeling jealous

Discussion in 'Advice (Dear AE...)' started by KellyN123, Jan 28, 2018.

  1. KellyN123

    KellyN123 New Member

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    I have been with my girlfriend for 8 months. My gf is the manager at a major retail store.
    There is a woman who she has mentioned before that was her assistant manager at this chain of stores when she was living in a different town.
    This women is now the manager at that store which is about 1hr away from where we live.
    Well for the past two weeks all the store managers in have been traveling to all the stores in their district to do a big store reset. Therefore, she has seen this woman...I will call her S on a daily basis. Each night when my gf gets home I have to hear about S. S gets up each morning and cooks breakfast for her family, S is great at this and that. On Friday S told my gf that she was an amazing person.

    I have heard about S in the past how her husband stopped having sex with her and how S cheated on her husband with some guy.

    A little back story...about 8 years ago my gf and S were training for a 5k. My gf’s now ex wife forbid her from hanging out with S. My gf said it was because S was really attractive and in good shape which made her ex wife insecure.

    I don’t want to be that person that feels jealous and insecure. My gf’s ex wife was over the top jealous and made my gf cut off all her female friends. That’s not me and I don’t want my gf to think I’m going to be the same way.

    I will add that S has no social media so I have no idea what she looks like.

    Today before she left for work she could tell something was wrong. She said I seem unhappy lately. I didn’t want to bring up my feelings right before she went to work.

    Any advice?
     
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  2. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

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    Oh my goodness, do I know how you feel! You know, you get with this person and she is amazing and makes you feel over the top like you are the only one person left in this world. So, don't feel bad that you get a bit jealous she is talking about S. Particularly, when you probably don't feel like S measures up to your standards as a married person (the cheating and such). Also, 8 months, you are still in your honeymoon period, so it is a bit jarring to hear about someone she sees so often.

    If her compliments on S gets a bit overwhelming, you could just ask her as she is bringing something up like, "Would you like me to cook for you more?" So maybe that will give her an idea how much she is gushing over someone else in front of you. Or even better, when she says something about S that she thinks is good about her, you tell your gf how your gf is the best and no one, not even S could hold a candle to her and you don't need to hear about some other lady, you just want to hear about your gf. That helps refocus the energy to you and your gf and not a 3rd person.

    I think the best thing about compliments is for her to pay to the person directly anyway. It is also very important for women to have friends. I am so glad you held back from acting jealous and gave yourself time to think of an approach and how you should manage your feelings. Your feelings are very important and it is not to be stifled, and at the same time, there are always better ways to express them and I hope you find the zen between you two to.
     
    #2
    Last edited: Jan 28, 2018
    Coffee Addict likes this.
  3. Fix Society

    Fix Society Well-Known Member

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    Have you tried... talking to her?

    It's not like you feeling jealous would automatically lead you to crazy ex-wife status, let's be realistic here!

    I'm sure you can just bottle up those feelings as much as you can before you blow your top with another amazing status update on this unknown woman, but you can tell her how your girlfriend how you feel and make it more open. If she notices you're down, it's not like she doesn't care.

    I think honesty is great in relationships...
     
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