Feeling Guilt- Need some friendly advice

Discussion in 'Coming Out' started by daydreamer33, May 3, 2014.

  1. daydreamer33

    daydreamer33 Active Member

    Dec 11, 2013
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    Thanks in advance to anyone who replies to this. I appreciate it. I have been feeling ready to come out as bisexual for a while now. I have been out to myself for nearly five years and I've been dating women on and off for two years. My problem is that I am still very nervous about coming out to my family and friends. The thing I'm most worried about is explaining why I didn't come out to them sooner. To be honest I think the majority of my family and friends are going to be supportive. I'm struggling to understand why I haven't felt ready to come out sooner so, I don't know how I can possibly explain it to them. I am concerned that they will feel betrayed somehow or like they can't trust me anymore because I kept something so huge from them. I am really close with my family and friends in most other ways. I want them to understand that it isn't their fault that I didn't come out sooner. I wish I could fully explain my hesitation.

    I think for me I wanted to wait to come out until I felt comfortable being out to the world and not just my family. I am sure that many of you can relate that it is about a lot more than simply stating who you want to date or have sex with. I recently became a certified high school teacher and I want to be able to be open with my students (without getting overly personal obviously). I just want to be able to be myself in the classroom because I know that quite a few of my students are also struggling with their sexuality or other matters of identity. I am 24 and my 25th birthday is coming up soon. I'd really like to come out before then so I don't have to go through another birthday of living a lie. Any advice or support would be so appreciated. Thanks.
  2. sundancer

    sundancer Well-Known Member

    Jul 4, 2013
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    You don't need to worry about age being a concern since you're still pretty young. Just be yourself when you tell them. :)
  3. Moses

    Moses Well-Known Member

    Jul 11, 2013
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    Hello:D First off, congratulations on feeling ready to come out fully. It is a wonderful space to be in.

    Secondly, I very much appreciate what you are saying about your family and you are probably right...a part of them will feel like that.

    What you need to do, I guess, is find a way to explain to them why it wasn't about them...or why it was a journey you had to keep from them until you were in a secure place...and that was about you and how you feel, not about them or any implied criticism of them.

    Have a think about it, I reckon and unravel why you kept it from them and then find a way to verbalize that feeling in a way that they will understand. You are a teacher, so you should be used to finding a way to make yourself understood. So yea, that's my advice. Preempt and address the issue and you should be able to find a way to deal with it to minimize any hurt felt.
  4. lost sheep

    lost sheep Active Member

    Nov 9, 2013
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    You could explain that you needed time to accept that you're gay and that was why you didn't say something instantly. I know for myself, there are days when I'm more comfortable in my skin than others. I'm still trying to see exactly "crown" fits me, as I never had the courage to be with a woman.

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