Falling for a girl at work.

Discussion in 'Does She Like Me?' started by carabella, Mar 26, 2014.

  1. carabella

    carabella Well-Known Member

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    I posted on here a little while ago about the girl with the purple bracelet . . . it's still ongoing. I have three basic problems
    1. I think she thinks I'm straight (and I'm not about to out myself at work, I live in a religious country and well, we're not quite there yet girls).
    2. We both blow hot and cold, one day can be wonderful and the next - silence. Sometimes we walk by each other with a side glance but nothing spoken, other times we can lose track of time and talk and talk. Essentially what I've been able to read is that we talk when alone, and not when in company. I try to talk about little things when we're in company, but she's very guarded. We flirt over every conversation, and it's the little glances that make me hope. Not to mention the fact that since I met her, various people have told me she 'presents' herself better i.e. clothes, makeup etc.
    3. I don't know if she's single. How can you tell, without saying 'Are you single?!'.

    We have zero contact outside work, and I thought this 'crush' might have abated by now, but it's only getting stronger. How do the rest of you 'progress' with these things? How do you make the move? I thought I had made the break by giving her my facebook, but she hasn't added me.

    I'm sorry I'm so clueless, but I *like* this girl, but she's shy and I'm terrified. P.S Does anyone else like some and they have a perfume that makes your head swirl?!
     
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  2. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

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    I am sorry I have not read your previous thread. So I am basing on whatever information I am reading on this fresh post. First off, I completely understand the head swirl thing with scent. Scent is like music where it can just take you back to the same place where you had that emotional connection, and it can happen even when a lot of time has passed.

    I can understand also your fears when the environment is so restrictive. It is all the more reason for you to move on and find someone who will brave the treacherous waters with you. I know you are very fond of her and everything that is attached, but she is not even giving you the time of day on fb. Granted, she might not have seen your request, some people are not that active on it. She might have needs to be with a woman from time to time so she could be blowing hot. That is not enough for her to make the leap though and not even for her to be a consistent friend. Friendships like that would drive me crazy even if she were to look like Dr. Maura Isles and speak geek all the time. I don't know why you blow cold yourself, it is ok to be friendly. Unless you are worried about being too eager? Are you responding to her hot and cold or is she responding to yours? If it is the latter then you need to be consistent yourself and see. Otherwise, it is better to find a partner that is worth going against the norms of your country.

    Also, this very well could be a one-sided crush and trust me, those things can be intense but they go away when unrequited. Good luck. :)
     
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  3. MisMashed

    MisMashed Well-Known Member

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    Been there....done that! (Still am sort of in the same situation actually). You are going to have to find out:
    a)if she's even gay.
    b)if she's single
    c)if she's into you.

    Are you out at work? You will have to try to strike up a conversation with her and get to know her. Talk about your weekend and what you have been up to, and somehow mention that you are gay. If she is too, she might respond similarly. If she doesn't share her orientation, then maybe she isn't gay, or maybe she doesn't want to be out at work. But at least she knows that you are so you opened THAT door. That same conversation can lead into talk about whether you are single or not!!

    I'll give an example of something I did recently: I liked a guy from work (I'm bi...and it's extremely RARE that I crush on guys!) and wanted to find out if he was gay or straight (it was kind of ambiguous and I had reason to believe he might be gay/queer of some sort). ANYHOWWW .... I hung out with him one day. The night before I had gone to the village with a friend. When he asked what I had done the night before, I said that I hung out in the village with a friend "as we are both bi" and don't visit the village very often. He then replied that he's been to some gay bars/clubs with friends but that he IS TOTALLY STRAIGHT (woohoo).

    So anyhow, you can use the same technique. I swear, it will work. From there, you can engage in lovely conversation and learn more about each other.

    Also, ask her to hang out one on one. Find an activity in common or something. If she is not interested in hanging out alone then she is probably not interested at all!!

    I'm in a similar situation with a work-girl that I'm pretty sure isn't interested at all. It sucks, but c'est la vie! There is always Tinder and POF which are GOOD distractions!

    Anyhow, good luck
    (oops, didn't mean to post an entire essay)
     
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  4. carabella

    carabella Well-Known Member

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    The upside is that since I wrote that post, we have done something together outside of work! And have another outing planned!! Which is awesome, but both have been group situations and I've had to do the asking. I don't want to seem pushy and I don't want her to say yes because she feels she has to. Work has improved a lot since however, the hot/cold isn't so 'cold' anymore :-D

    The downside is I'm still not out to her, I'm planning on telling her though, at the next night out (a pub quiz no less, so I'm gunna blame it on the boogie/boozie). Wish me luck!!!!
     
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  5. Justposting

    Justposting Well-Known Member

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    Good luck and stay safe!
     
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