Ex gf probs

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by Panda629, Dec 26, 2014.

  1. Panda629

    Panda629 New Member

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    L
     
    #1
    Last edited: Jul 21, 2016
  2. Bluenote

    Bluenote Well-Known Member

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    Need more info:

    Why did you break up in the first place?
    How long were you together?
    Do you have a history of breaking girls' hearts?
    Does she have a history of being dumped?
     
    #2
  3. Kaiden

    Kaiden Well-Known Member

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    and what about the dogs, are they committed to her too? i'd be jealous on the dogs
     
    #3
  4. Kaiden

    Kaiden Well-Known Member

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    those dogs must go through a rough time seeing their owners being apart from each other.
    i will tell you why your girlfriend was not happy about that. because that's your purchase, not hers. that is not a reason to break up with someone. is just an excuse to hide the real reason
     
    #4
  5. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member

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    Well it seems if you want to get back together the dogs are the key. Go over to see them and suggest you both walk them, see how it goes, small steps.
     
    #5
  6. Kaiden

    Kaiden Well-Known Member

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    those dogs can't be used as tools. they have feelings too!
     
    #6
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  7. Bluenote

    Bluenote Well-Known Member

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    I think her reaction is understandable.

    It is one thing to be attracted to someone. It is another thing entirely to make a relationship work.

    I had an ex who got really into drugs. Even though I was crazy about her, I had to break it off - break off all contact, actually. However attractive she was,However cool and awesome, our relationship was not healthy and was not going to work.

    I think she is struggling with this concept. She is crazy about you. But you guys have real issues to address. Why wasn't she supportive about the house? Why did you break up with her, rather than try to work through the house issue? Or maybe you tried to work it through and she refused to change? You have a history of walking away. Etc...

    So she has a legit conflict. She's attracted to you, but knows the relationship dynamic isn't great.

    Seems like one approach would be to deal with the relationship issues directly. Perhaps she would be willing to go to couples counseling with you. Or, barring that, would be willing to talk about what went wrong and how to change it for the better.

    Unless both of you make some changes, you are doomed to repeat your mistakes.
     
    #7
  8. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member

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    Quite right, if you want to have a relationship you NEED to acknowledge where you both went wrong.
     
    #8
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  9. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member

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    Maybe don't point the finger and say what she did wrong. Acknowledge your faults and show that you can move forward, hopefully it'll encourage her to do the same.
     
    #9
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  10. Kaiden

    Kaiden Well-Known Member

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    or throw the blame on dogs. that's why i will have a dog.
    "who burned down this house?!"
    "it was not me officer, it was my dog!" and what will happen? nothing. there's no criminal justice for dogs.
    trust me, i'm a fluffy engineer
    [​IMG]
     
    #10
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  11. Cali89

    Cali89 Member

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    You broke up with her.. I think that's enough reason to just move on. If you both truly wanted each other again, it would be happening right now.
     
    #11
  12. Queenett

    Queenett Member

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    Hi
     
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  13. Spygirl

    Spygirl Well-Known Member

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    That you purchased a home 2 1/2 years into a relationship without her -- makes me think that there's more to the story. Think about it -- At about 2 1/2 years into a relationship you should be thinking about whether the relationship is going to proceed forward and whether there's a "future" or whether the relationship has run its course. That you took such action on your own tells me that you're thinking one thing and she's thinking another.

    The point is this. Breakups suck. Even if you're the one doing the breaking up, the emotional component to it is hard. We tend to cling to things that bring us comfort, and instead of ripping the band aid off, we hold onto whatever shred of hope there is to ease the pain. Hence the 2 days of cuddling and now you're wanting to get back together.

    But really, what's changed? Nothing. Although the reasons you fell in love came back, you're ignoring that your reasons for breaking up are STILL there. Right now you're romanticizing all the good about your relationship and sweeping the bad out of sight.

    If you want this to work -- really want this to work. Focus on resolving what went wrong and why you broke up with her in the first place.
     
    #13
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